[Vrae]

So I have a half-sister who I am not terribly close to and don’t see very often who just got married on Sat. She had asked me where might be a good place for her to take a quick honeymoon. I made some suggestions. She is now calling to tell me she’s coming to my house (I believe she’s at the airport).

I woke up this morning feeling like a major sinus infection was about to happen. Took antihistamine and went back to bed. My house is a wreck (I have 4 children still at home), my husband is in school and I missed work today (I office from home). My RSD will not allow me to jump through hoops to get my house in order before she gets here. She’s never been to my house, so of course I would want to make a nice impression, but I have RSD and there’s no doing this on a moments notice. I just kind of want to scream…. “REALLY”! She knows I have this condition, but like most I am sure she really doesn’t know anything about RSD. I would never… ever… just drop in on someone from out of state without notifying them or asking them first. In my opinion it’s just a complete lack of consideration.

Anyway, I just needed to vent to the choir.

[LIT LOVE]

She flew in to do a drop-in? I hope I'm misunderstanding.

On the other hand, regardless of her rudeness, the real state of your home, might clue her into the severity of your problem.

The only way I can manage living alone is to have weekly help. If your children and husband can't absorb more of the duties, getting somone to do a major cleaning a few times a month might be an idea to consider.

[Vrae]

Yep, flew in to drop in. And you’re absolutely right about it perhaps cluing her in. And definitely my husband and kids help, but I just hate the 3-alarm fire for all of us. I mean, I can either have a clean house (or partially clean) and be so overcome with RSD when done that we won’t even get to visit, or I can just let it go. I’m letting it go. She should have called me first. Thanks for the response. This is the only place that I knew someone would truly get where I’m coming from.

[cindi1965]

I know exactly what you mean, although no one has flown in just to drop by...lol. I used to be a fanatical housekeeper and now if it causes me to have any pain, I don't do it. I just had a house meeting and told everyone that they are getting a trashbag at the beginning of the week. When it's full, they can throw it out by the SUV and their dad can take it to work to throw away. As soon as this downsizing is through my daughter is coming and organizing and THEN I am getting a cleaning girl twice a week to dust, vaccuum, and fold clothes....I am retiring and need to concentrate on this stupid disorder and my therapies!!

[Vrae]

LOL... okay, I guess that does sound weird, but true nonetheless. Thanks for the laugh.

Me too, I used to be a meticulous, Type A personality about my house and yard. Now I am just grateful for the help I get, even if it is teenager clean, instead of mom clean. I have learned to close doors and look the other way until we can all work as a team. I used to love working in my yard, and took great pride in a job well done. Now the house/yard is just too damn big, too many levels, and it all just kind of overwhelms me now. I’m lucky to get one room done, and then that’s it for me. Drives me crazy to watch or request work be done. In my mind I’m saying “no problem; you can do everything you used to do”. My body says, ”are you nuts! I don’t think so, or you will pay in degrees of pain”. Would much rather just do it myself, my way. Although I am truly blessed that my husband and my children love me, and they do their best. I feel sure this is God teaching me to let go. So now I just write my name in the dust.

[LIT LOVE]

My cleaning person is a whirlwind. I can remember manically cleaning, but it was in a time--long, long ago.

Accepting your limitations is not easy, but important.

[Vrae]

Accepting your limitations is not easy, but important.[/QUOTE]

Amen. So true, and something I am working on. I have spent a good deal of time since I got RSD 7 years ago in denial, then grieving for my former self. I am working on acceptance now.

[cindi1965]

Some days I get a burst of energy and start cleaning, but never seem to get it done. It's so embarrassing, but most of my friends know the deal. I am seriously getting rid of so much by using the trash bag idea...little by little it's getting done

[Russell]

The first thing you say to them.......Hey there's a real cool motel nearby.....

[kathy d]

Dear Vrae,
I totally agree with what Jimbo just said...steer them to the nearest motel! If they see your house the way it is then tell them sorry I can't do things quickly anymore and need at least a month's notice in order to get my home cleaned up. If they don't get that hint then the heck with them. You don't need the stress nor the extra pain cleaning the house for them and it is not fair to your kids and hubby for added stress to them. They already deal with so much each day. I had another idea...when they call to say they are on the way...give them a bit of what they are doing to you and say "Well, we will all meet you at the restaurant (tell them the name of it). When you are all done you and your family get up and leave and tell them thanks so much for stopping by on your honeymoon and call me again when things settle down for you. lol that should keep them out of your hair for a bit. Good luck.
kathy d

Originally Posted by jimbo

The first thing you say to them.......Hey there's a real cool motel nearby.....