[RSD ME]

I told my son today all the things I've been trying to hide from him for the past three and a half years. The unrelenting pain that I cannot hide anymore. I didn't want him to know, but I just can't pretend anymore. The pain is too excruciating and my heart is hurting in more ways then one. After my last surgery I've had irregular heartbeats and chest pains. I have to go to a cardiologist SOON. It also hurts because I told my son today how much pain I am constantly in and how the drs said that all they can do is help me to control the pain now is with meds. That there is no cure and no sight of remission in my near future. I think the only thing more painful then having rsd is telling your child that you have rsd and that the reason you go to bed so early (instead of staying up talking to him like old times) is because you don't want him to see you curled up in a ball crying while your skin feels like it's on fire. It broke my already tired and hurting heart to tell him, but it was time. I waited until he graduated college last week. I didn't want to worry him while he was there. I wanted him to be happy with his friends and focus on his studies. So now he knows and he's worried about me. But he seems to be handling it as well as can be expected. He is even trying to help me find a new pm dr who may try new things to help me. A dr who hasn't given up on me. My son is stronger then I thought. He said I should have told him sooner. That he can handle it. I hope he can. I am so proud of him. And though I still feel like hiding it was the right thing to do while he was in college, I am so very glad that I told my son today.