I'm happy to see you are working on it Waves. I hope your current plan will ease this distress and depression. I can't drink any coffee after noon without it affecting my ability to sleep. I'm glad you are using Ashtons material for help. Will write more later. (((hugs)))

Thinking about you Waves!

Hi Waves,

I'm so sorry you're having a rough patch.

However, I'm so pleased that you're being proactive about getting medical attention.

I'm also amazed that you can still find the emotional capital to be on the forum offering support to others. Anyone who can care about others when they themselves feel depressed, is far stronger than they think and is bound to be okay.

Hang On

Well said, Hockey.

((((((Waves))))))

well you know, this has been building up a while, but only the other day did i really fall apart. i TRIED to be strong for a while because

- i didn't want to believe i was getting depressed
- i didn't want to "need" meds
- i didn't want to take meds
- i didn't want to screw up the class

i really wasn't admitting it to myself. i was hoping it was just being tired. it finally got in my face. i'll be alright... relatively. problem is when. i have been unemployed for way too long, this needed not to happen!

Zoloft has worked in the past pretty much. i don't want to be on it but things were going downhill fast, and the sooner i start, the sooner i can stop again. i want to stop my mood stabilizer which i cannot, for as long as i take the Zoloft. (Bobby, no, not on APs. and i have been off antidepressants, just started the Zoloft today.)

you know, it is waaay easier to post a smile than it is to get the corners of my mouth to smile, watch: see??? just have to press 2 keys...

however, i have actually been participating less here recently, overall. there were a few nights of more activity. i have probably learned over time to observe the line between empathy and overwhelm. question of emotional boundaries. being able to peel apart what's me and what's another person. put one foot in their shoes, see how it feels, acknowledge the familiarity - but then retrieve the foot and put it back in my own shoes.

you know, when one is feeling useless, and asked to do something useful and within their ability to do, it helps both the person asking, and the person asked. it helps to know that at least someone else might be a little better off. it is important to stay within that margin of "one's ability to do." sometimes reaching out to others in the same or similar boat is all i can do... i do not see strength in it though.

thank you for the compliment in any case. maybe it is all just rhetoric.

but i really don't feel strong at all. i feel horrifically weak. and rather desolate.

thank you all for the hugs, and thoughts, and prayers... and just being here.

~ waves ~

thanks Goofy, i appreciate that too.

and wrt the Zoloft, yeah... the first time i ever took it i was in baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad shape too. i know what you mean.

you know that reminds me, when i started feeling better, i made up a little rhyme about Zoloft (it's silly, but maybe you'll appreciate it)... sung to the Mickey Mouse tune:

Who's the leader of the drugs that's made for you and me?
Z-O-L, O-F-T, one hun-dred m. g.

then my dose changed and ... ehhh... ok. whatever.

~ waves ~

LOL i love it!!!!!!! and i really do understand..... i was in the hospital on suicide watch when my pdoc put me on zoloft.. it was the only AD that seemed to help. i tried several.

I am glad waves that your pdoc called and reinstated your zoloft....he is really responsive when you need him to be. at least it seems like it.
I would stay away from the 5 htp or what ever it was that you mentioned....I had always heard that it was not good for us, can cause hypomania....not fun.
Will the zoloft act quickly?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

edited to add that this could be a benzo reduction side effect not jsut the last 2 drops but the overall decrease. ashton says these side effects can last a long time...it is hard to tell what is a benzo side effect and what is not. glad that you are staying put for a while.

Ah Waves...does sound a bit overwhelming!! So much of what you said I can relate to that it makes my head spin...too much for me to respond to right now. I need my cave for a bit myself. I agree with Bizi on the benzo. I have experienced myself and have seen others too suffer depression and other SE's after working to reduce off of it. Strangely enough we have to add a med sometimes to get off of another, and then get off of the one we added. But, it can all work out in the long run.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

((waves)) you are in my thoughts and prayers. Wish that my brain and mental/emotional state were a bit more stable so that I could try to respond to you with something helpful. All I can offer right now is my care and concern for you. I feel compassion and empathy for what you are enduring. I hope that I can talk more with you later when I am not in "that bad place."

from my *heart,
reyn