This time of year can ...for some be a devestaing time of year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This is an invatation to vent your spleen [so to speak]


Rather than feel...think...percieve...imagine...
.ASK QUESTIONS= SEEK ANSWERS


If this hoilday period is getting you down...................tell us/me about it!


I WANT TO HELP


David

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nut5nQ-EMIE


Have any of us truly found what we are looking for?

David

I have to wonder how many of us know what we are looking for...how many of us are just putting in the required time, in spite of the effort it takes, until we can finally go home.

I wonder if I can leave hugs for the room.

A nice warm spot to vent, what a wonderful idea! I truely hate this time of year as it brings memories of "what could have been" along with large blank spots thanks to ECT treatments during a terrible time in my life. I seem to reagress with my depression as this time of year hits, my therapist and P-doc, tend to increase the frequency of my visits, check-ups, text messages and calls to check on me. Not welcome for the part of me that just wants to be left alone with me, myself and I. I am sure that in the big picture it is for my own well being. Today I find that I am alone in my home, the little one was abducted by her so called father last evening, thanks to the "monster in law". I have my hospice kitty here, changing my TV chanels (she kneeds the remote) my puppy is on the floor readjusting one of my older shoes and my family is all out working on the ranch feeding cows, etc. I have much to do by the looks of my home but I have no energy to do the things I have to do. I have taken my meds like a good nurse, but......
Lately I have also developed what I think is a spread of my RSD after 12 years....I have the familiar burn on my right foot. It is following a pattern that I dread, feels cold then feels like it has been put in the wood stove... I need to call my PM doc, however he has told me on multiple occasions that he has never seen a true spread. I have reported my internet findings, including those from Medscape. For the most part he asks for my input and my opinion of the research that I do on different models of SCS and different company support. But in this he does not seem to budge.
Well enough of my gloom, dispair and angony

LOL about the kneading kitty and the busy puppy...TG for our pets. Not laughing at your dr. ignoring your imput about the RSD spreading...you are a nurse!!..He should do a little research himself!

...and Alffe , you sure struck a chord in my heart...when you said that of 'putting in the required time'. I feel that way MUCH of the time.

....Pooh , I share in your 'pain'.... that 'silent' pain that doesn't 'show'.
My situation isn't looking good either, and it's something I suffer alone. It certainly doesn't do any good to talk about it to family, as they're 'aware' of my medical situation....there AREN'T any answers. Like most people on this forum, it's that 'Pain Life' that we live with. I've become imprisoned with it by putting up walls to keep others 'out'....so they don't have to hear the broken record. It's a circle of madness

I spent the 2 days after Christmas Eve in BED. For no particular reason , other than perhaps a bit of exhaustion of all the running around I did in preparation to give my family the nicest Christmas Eve that I could and to spend that time with my 1st Grandson on his 1st Christmas. Then it was over. Done.
I wasn't 'sick'....I just didn't want to talk to anybody and my own body was crying out in pain......I guess I just want to be left 'alone' when I'm feeling like that...because it's something I have to work out in my own mind.
I'm always encouraging other people who battle depression to NOT 'isololate' themselves....yet, that's the very thing that I do!
I see that my family is self-sufficient without me. So, I shut the doors in my room and let life go on.......and then, when I'm rested up and able to get out and "Put in my required time...", I come out from 'hiding' and do as much as I can....that stuff that only 'mom' can do .....and then the circle starts all over again......

......Good LORD ....I fell asleep as I typed this! I started this post 45 minutes ago! See, I don't 'know' what is 'wrong' with me.
I guess it would behoove me to see a therapist.....!

Anyway,....thank you. And YES, the water was nice and warm
I needed to get this out.

Rae

Going to bed for two days was exactly what you needed to do dear lady. Sometimes we just have to shut it all down if we are to ever rise again.
I've said it before...I am in awe of people who have to live with chronic pain....it makes those "choices" we talk about very appealing. The lure of death..as Pter used to say, is a lie because whatever demons (he believed) we suffer in life, would continue in death. No comfort in that thought.

So I'll pray some more for those of you that I've come to "know" here.

This has been a testing year ..........to say the least.
Testing my resolve to the limit at times, as a father I have entered a new dimension that was not in the original plan, and comes with no additional manual.

i HAVE READ AND LITTERALY HEARD THE SPOKEN WORD of so many on this forum this year with your strife and tribulations..............

Many have lost close relatives, which is a soul destroying experience, pets have passed away which is also an emotional wrench [ I won’t mention names but you know you are in my thoughts]

new comers have sailed into our harbour..........with sad sad stories of pain loss grief..........and sheer Angst...............pooh you are stronger than you will ever know, Tom....you literally floored me............I couldn't get through to you I thought I failed............but then I realised it’s not down to me to save you.....it’s down to you............


Jayocajade, smae,July63[ YOU ARE A STAR You just dont know it yet]
, wish and many more once again welcome to this family.

Some have blossomed into a new thought for life and a desire to move forward..Addy stand up..............Hippie take applause, Doxie ..You too!!
some have to take three steps back to go one step forward.............this is not a criticism, we have to do this...in order to get through this journey ..........it shows you have resolve beyond your own belief L1,Blue,Pooh,myself

Others still hurt with immense inner pain........but stoically stay brave to support others [thank you Alffe] ...Nik-ey
Some are wise beyond their words Abbie take a bow..coq, tom, waves, moi, wren, Moss, BJ, Melody
Some offer a thank you every time [Barbo] bless your heart,.....................
Others ...Always there to offer kind thoughtful and spiritual words, Misstis [gods living angel] Mark, and Brokenfiend= gentleman,& BMW, koala, [throughout throughout the small hours there to comfort and console]

In all its been a long year...........a lot of tears......a lot of emotional pain, uncertainty and sadness

But next year will be better I’m sure[ if I missed anyone out it was not my intention, and know from my heart, you heve each and every one of you helped me through this year ...................................ALL OF YOU]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pks0...eature=related


Bless you all

David

Thank you DMACK. I don't feel like a star though, my thoughts and emotions are so confusing me.

1. but you are a star & never forget that my friend