[F]For over a year now, I have been working the most difficult, challenging job of my life. In 2006 I volunteered to be a part of a "pilot project" for my HUGE internet company.

Although the intent of the project was to offer "education" and "help" with regards to the use of our internet presence, it immediately became a dumping ground for many irrational, angry people.

I liken my job to that of an internet chat room monitor - except that this "project" involves allowing those "invited to participate" to phone us.

Yesterday I had to explain to member#1 (from VA) that it was OK for member#2 (from somewhere else in the US) to potentially make $$ by marketing the massacre. I must tell member#1 that "according to site policy" it isn't distasteful. The man I spoke with was thankfully very kind and knew that I was not the policy maker. We spoke at length about our world, our countries (mine Canada, his US) and people.

That is the crux that determined, for me, that I could not go into work today. I am exhausted, beat up and drained ... I simply cannot rise to the challenge and so here I sit... near noon, 3 cups of coffee and still not showered or dressed... I pour it out...

One day a man called... he was sobbing... told me that he was in stage 3 cancer, just got home from the hospital and discovered we had banned him from using our site...
why, it turns out... his 43 year old son came "home" while he was in the hospital, robbing his wife and him of their dignity, their personal possessions and money... and the reason for his call to me: the loss of his privileges to use our website (a consequence of his son stealing his account).

Another time, a man in his 30s called... I quickly review the previous notes with regards to his calls - the subject titles all contain words like "abusive" "angry" "swearing" "rude"... I brace myself -- the call escalated to the point that he was screaming in my ears, yelling so loud... I disconnected the call. I was very upset that a person like this was allowed to call us - and couldn't understand why management wouldn't cut him out of our "pilot project". I reviewed a previous email from this person. In it he said that we have the wrong number on file for him (not admitting it was his responsiblity to change the number) and because of that, his x-girlfriend received a call. He said that the x had a restraining order against him!! Yet, he's allowed to call us!

Over the year I have gained more weight than I have ever been - none of my clothes fit... I have no energy... I have taken a 2 wk stress leave without pay and because our company plan doesn't cover "stress" I couldn't afford to take any more time... my apartment is in shambles - I don't change the cat litter or sweep the floor - dishes are everywhere... my meds have been upped... and for the first time, I've thought whats the point of living anymore... thoughts... yet, not serious, so please, please know I am not planning anything and won't do anything... I'm just telling you about a place I have never been before...

I have been "disciplined" at work for being vocal about how detrimental this project is to the employees (we have lost 1/2 our staff! they just quit - and I am seeking another job - thank God I have a connection) - and although I believe phone support is necessary - I also know that we do not have the training or skills to deal with the calls that escalate to the point that its obvious the person on the other end of the phone has some serious mental issues. I am approximately 25 years older than the average employee in my company. My life's experiences have taught me that I cannot change others, I can only change myself... and that being said, I still do my damdest to speak out when I see a wrong that could be righted.

And so, here I am today, my friends... reaching out for anything you can give me... I need a push, I need to get back into talk therapy, I need to get out on that beautiful seawall... I need to clean up my insides and outsides.

This is just the start...
xo Addy
(and PS - just so you know I'm not completely depleted... I am still singing in my wonderful chorus, went to Stars on Ice the other night, bought some new clothes that fit to feel pretty, AND on Monday I received a call to say I have passed the testing and now wait for the call for the final interview (a gov't job and union!... keep your fingers crossed for me)[/FONT]

Sounds like a major stressor & burn out.
-Sometimes you just have to step back and recharge your batteries once in awhile.

And best of luck with the interview.

{{{addy}}}

abuse is abuse. it doesn't matter if it comes from somebody you know..or stangers on the phone.

that is what has put in this state of mind. it is only natural for you to retreat. to get depressed.

sea air. yep. help clear your mind and your heart. give yourself a chance to regroup.

don't worry to much about your apartment. you can take that one step at a time. it doesn't have to be tackled all at one time. but...changing the litter box before the cat attacks you might be a good thing.

keep singing addy. keep that joy in your heart. that does change others. i wonder how many people after they have ogtten off the pohone with you realized how abusive they were and made a point to handle themselves as compasionelty and with as composure as you did on their next call? i think you have changed others. i hope those who read your post and have treated people on the phone horrible...learn and change.

you did the first step. cleaning out your thoughts and putting them down here. very hard to do. something i need to take myself to task about.

i've got the good thoughts and prayers going up for you to get the job.

Addy

It's hard to support a position that goes against your own. It's hard to hear all those sad stories and not be able to do anything about them. It's hard to take being spit at, knowing it's not your fault.

I've had two major jobs. One at a hospital in pediatrics/pediatric education, the other at a corporate office in the meat industry.

The hospital job included unbelievably sad stories every day. It was stressful, but rewarding. Only once did I have to deal with an angry mom. She thought I cashed her insurance check covering the cost of my boss' hospital services. She really got nasty with me. I was really angry with her too for thinking I'd risk my job for her silly check, but I couldn't say anything until I found out what happened to that check. Turned out the hospital cashed the check that was supposed to go to us. I wanted to be just as nasty when I informed her, but I couldn't because we cared for her kids - wasn't their fault.

The other job at the corporate office was assistant to the president. The hours were very long, I had to be extremely organized and know every detail, but the job was easy. All I had to do was snap my fingers, and people would jump through hoops for me - an awesome job for someone on a power trip.

However, the job was draining my soul. My boss ruled with an "iron fist" and treated his people like dirt. He never did it to me, but he would have enjoyed it immensely. He didn't have the chance because I was always a step ahead of him, lol. It was a game to me because I knew how much he hated to bow down to me and say "thank you."

What hurt me was seeing him treat his employees like drones to be used and abused. It bothered me to watch them sacrifice themselves and their families for the almighty dollar. I realize money is necessary, but I refuse to worship money or sacrifice my family or morals for money. I packed up my stuff one morning and walked out, and I've never regretted that decision.

It sounds like you spend your entire day taking in negative energy in one form or another - from good and bad people. It's no wonder you're about to explode! Are you absolutely certain it's weight gain???

I hope you'll be able to find some relaxing moments to breath in some fresh air and take in a little beauty around you. Maybe it will give you the strength to spit out those thorns properly. If not, one of them might get you - then we'll have to sit through a news story about a lady up north who flew around the room like a deflated balloon.

Ahhhhh, Addy -- I'll be wishing you the best - you certainly deserve it - and

well Addy
Looks like the nonsense we went through together is now in your personal life. Don't let it stress you because as it was elsewhere it is not worth it.

Glad lyou are still around thelma

((((((Addy)))))),



Yeah, it's true -- you can only change your own reactions to situations.

You know that phrase, "shrink to fit"?? <<-- sometimes in your life, you figure out "YOU DON'T WANT TO FIT".

Seems like you learned a very important lesson from this job.

Good luck on the job hunt

Barb

Since I've joined the forum, thats what everyone has told me. Recreate yourself. From what it sounds like your a gamer not a slacker, go out and get it. I hope you get your new job, once in the gov plus union you will be set. Thinkin of ya...........

Addy,
I honestly cant add anything to what has already been said. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing peson with a big heart. Take time out for yourself. You certainly deserve it.
{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
vicky

Hi everyone! Your outpouring really has helped me - thank you thank you thank you!

The kitty litter is changed (whew! and eeeewwww!)

Thank you all for sharing your prespectives. Thelma - you are so right... I am repeating history and altho I felt I learned my lesson in futilty - I truly thought this time would be different. I actually think that what I learned from my experiences here have been very helpful in understanding where people's anger might come from. Sadly, though, I didn't realize I don't have the energy to save the floundering.

Abuse, in any form, is unacceptable. Yep, Jo, this is major burnout... and a place I've never been. KathyM - I wish it was air that filled me and not fat - lol... but I love your input and understanding.

I truly look forward to the day I can walk in that office, pack up my desk and say Adios Amigos... or whatever...

today I'm off to a rehearsal in the afternoon then a performance tonight... my apartment is half clean and my spirits have lifted tremendously! thanks to you guys and gals.

Hugs to you all