[reyn]

First, i want to thank my friends here for trying to keep in touch with me. About a year ago, my meds were changed due to the pharmaceutical company stopping production of the meds that I was taking. My pharmacist talked with my oncologist's nursing staff to work out something that would be comparable to the pain meds that I'd been taking for years. A few months later, someone made an error in the prescription, and I was getting double the dose of demerol! This caused me to have several seizures that led to ambulance trips to my local ER, but no one ever figured out that the problems were likely due to the double dose of narcotics, and I never spoke up about the error made with the prescription . . .

I have been fighting the suicidal thoughts for some months now. Several months ago, I began shutting out all of my few friends who knew of my problems. Now, I am just trying to sit on my hands to give me just another day to live and to try to find a reason to survive.

I'm so sorry that I have failed my friends here -- I haven't responded to you, haven't even been back to this site, haven't answered e-mails or answered my phone. Please know that each time that any of you have reached out to me to help, to love, to care about me has made the difference between my giving up or my trying to survive. Thank you for caring about me.

I'm not sure how to go about getting out of this current mess because I am so addicted to the pain narcotics, but I still recognize that this isn't a life that I want to live. I don't know what to do, but I will have to make a decision on Monday. I will be grateful for your prayers that I find the strength to confront my problems.

reyn

[thelonely1]

Hi Reyn

We've missed you here. You've been asked about a few times, Addy specifically asked for you after she was gone for a couple months. And there's a member from the old forum who wondered if you had come to the new NT forum, I don't know what her name was then but here it's "wishnomore." (There's been a lot more since you've been gone that's just the two most recent that I remember )

You did NOT fail anyone here, sometimes you need to go away in order to clear your thoughts and gain some perspective, and remember what David's signature says: "take care of YOU." If you needed to be away then nobody has blamed you, although we're all happy to see that you're back. And I've been thinking of you even though I hadn't heard from you.

I think the best way for you to get off the pain meds would be to find a rehabilitation clinic somewhere near you, they may even be able to help you with the suicidal thoughts, and even planning for the future/working through your other problems. (The clinic where my mom went provided help like that)

I'll give you a call sometime this week okay?
I've been praying for you. (and I don't plan on stopping)

[Twinkletoes]

Sheesh! That's awful that a pharmaceutical error caused you so much agony!

Glad you've got that straightened out. Hope you can get off the pain meds soon and lead a happier life. Thanks for checking in.

[BlueMajo]

Hello Reyn !!!

I dont think you will remember me, but who cares ?

Im so sorry you are feeling "a mess" right now So sorry to read your trouble...
Hum, I can tell you that everything in this life gets better with time, EVERYTHING, trust me So, step by step you will start to feel better...

About quitting the pain meds, I agree you should ask for pro help... they have the right strategies for you to stop and forget about those meds without feeling bad... Is like when people quit drinking... and I know a couple

I will keep you in my prayers... Everybody here have been thinking and caring about you, so, that might help you when you feel suicidal ??

Come talk to us eveytime needed

Hugs,
Majo.

[Alffe]

There's my girl! Reyn, you are one my loved ones that keeps dropping in and out of my life but never out of my thoughts and prayers.

I learned so many things from you over the years...the geese flying in formation, the bug in the cup...etc

You showed me that it is possible to survive inspite of almost insurmountable physical and emotional problems by continuing to do just that!

You are so loved and missed when you are "away" from us but I don't worry the way I used to because I know how much courage you have.

Continued prayers....you are loved!!

*now if BJ would just show up.......

[Addy]

Ah dear Reyn... don't be ashamed... be determined... and take baby steps...

and thank you for touching base with us... I needed that, too. I was away for a few months ... different reasons from you... but still a time when I needed to take a break...

and then I came back... because I always know I will be held in comfort here...

and now, you have come back.... and you will be held in comfort dear friend

You are ducky are on similiar paths as she battles the addiction of cigarettes in her system...

you're never alone when you're here ((((Reyn))))

Addy

[DMACK]

Reyn

years back in the early 1970's, my mum was prescribed Valium, for depression when her Father died. She remained on them for until 1985, when a new GP stated she was dependent.

With a prescribed decrease in medication over 2 years she was free from the Valium.

With professional help you can get through this. [don't attempt to get off them without professional supervised support] plus I'm not sure where you live ..but in the UK there are many help groups related to prescription related addiction...which have a fantastic success rate.

medication for pain only removes the physical pain [and never the psychological pain....that requires other meds ...but you know that dear friend]

I'm glad you have brought to the front your elephant in the room.....now its time to become a mahout....and ride this beast [you can do this reyn..i know you can ]

an ex-client of mine addicted to heroin..once said; 'without it I'm nothing' ..
i replied ...'with it you are nothing' [very harsh ...i know....but it worked...he has been clean 16 months....]

please stay around reyn chat when you can ..and rest when you need to....we are always here

David

[mistiis]

Dearest reyn....hope you can check in soon. I agree with the need for professional help when getting away from or reducing pain meds. Very necessary my dear friend....and you can do it. As you know, you are always in my thoughts and prayers...hopefully we will get to talk soon....

[Addy]

I hope our Reyn can find the strength to allow us to hold her up through this...

Come on dear Reyn, just hit the thanks button now an then... baby steps.

[Alffe]

Monday is just around the corner dear reyn...remember that we are here for you.