Hi my name is Jen, and have been struggling with suicidal thoughts and ideation for years. But lately it's been worse. I know what people say about suicide, and I know the stigma that goes along with it. I just want people to know that I don't know what happens afterwards, but I don't know how much longer I can take it. I am hopeless and helpless, and don't want to end up back in the hospital for over the 30th time.
My 30th Birthday is coming soon, and I can't wait till I get out of my 20s. My 20s and teens have been hell for me, i just hope my 30s will be better. But if my year keeps going like it has been I don't see any point to it.
i want to quit my meds and quit seeing my counselor...don't get me wrong my counselor has been the best thing for me, I just don't want to waste anymore of her time. I feel there are so many more people out there much more important than me, and have a better chance than I do. I don't know, maybe am overreacting, but this is how I feel. I feel like my life is going down hill fast.
I live with my dad and step-mom due to financial difficulties and because of my mental health. I am not sure but I think they want me to leave. i would love to live on my own again, but can't afford it. I have been forced to take a 14 week leave of absence from work due to high anxiety. I couldn't even make it through a 4 hour work day becuase I would panic.
i am at a loss for what to do. I don't know if I should just give in and give up, which would be the easiest thing for me to do, but then I have a huge family. I don't want to hurt anyone but myself. i wish there was an easier way.
Thanks for listening,
Jen