yeah ativan is a prescription...it's kinda for temporary relief (like i don't take it every day...it usually just holds me over for a couple hours). it makes me feel a bit stoned though so i don't like that so much. but right now that might be better than anything i'm feeling.

unfortunately i'm alone right now. i have a friend that isn't working, so i'm going to see if he wants to come over for a bit. i don't feel like going outside (i know i should force myself to...). i have all the windows open and the back balcony door open so that is helpful.

i can't believe these obsessive thoughts are invading my work again. i thought i had cleared them off my plate (well, i guess desk) for awhile. and i like my job. that's the hard part of this. i don't want to live in fear of my job...ESPECIALLY when i like it.

thanks for your responses. i'm SO glad you were online. what a god send.

Are you still here Manda? Do you want to go into the chat room?

yeah that sounds perfect

I'm going there now..to the lounge room.

2:30am. can't sleep. can't function. feel empty inside. i don't want to wake up. i don't want to do anything. i just want everyone to leave me alone and get away. i'm sorry. bye guys.

I'm not sure that withdrawing from those who want to support and comfort you is such a good idea Manda. But you need to do whatever works for you. And we are here when you want to talk about it.

sorry, when i get into those "fits" i sometimes don't think in a linear fashion. i actually woke up with little recollection of posting.

i should actually write while i'm capable of making sense. i need everyone around me to just leave me alone for awhile. i'm not well and everyone's telling me to get over it. THIS REFERS TO THE PEOPLE AROUND ME, NOT PEOPLE AT NT.

so i apologize. i do think i need to be away from here for awhile. i will still lurk and hope that i have everyone's prayers. this is going to be a long stretch--i can feel it.

i'm sorry. bye guys.

Lurk away...*grin You'll remain in our thoughts and prayers...hollar if we can help.

you guys are the best. sorry for the hissy fit. sometimes i can't take anything...

Hissy fit...one of my favorite expressions... Of course I use it in an accusoratory phrase...LOL...would I ever have one of those?...LOLOLOL.