elephants iN rooms......................look at my AVATAR

thanks abbie. it's funny that you mention it--when i get in these ruts, i think about my family a lot. i never want to hurt them. they keep me going. i know that even if they don't understand, they still want me here with them.

i'm glad that you have found your way down the path. that makes me think that i can do something about this. ha, i actually went to the bookstore and bought 8 books that i feel might help me (they're not all related to OCD and depression...but just the overall FEEL of the book might compliment my mood). so i actually got out of the house and bought some things that i wanted. i saw myself as worth the money. i do see myself down that path one day. so i'm glad that i'll be meeting you there.

i'm a bit upset. i called my psych to refer me to another psych in this new city i'm in and he hasn't called me back--it's been a week and i've called twice. so that's just frustrating. i love the city i'm in. i love life again. but i feel like this OCD keeps coming up. so finally i'm at the point where i want to address it, but the doctor i'm going to isn't all that helpful in finding me a new doctor and the meds i tried really didn't help. so i'm kind of getting discouraged. it's just hard for me to keep trying. BUT i know i'm up for the fight. i know i want to live. i just find that i'm relying on so many external things...you know, all the ducks to line up in a row. and they're not. so i'm sitting here waiting for my doctor to call to help me get in line again. i don't want to die. i DO see a brighter future for me. i'm just trying to get there.

as always i appreciate your words, abbie. i hope you are doing well farther down the path. i'm so proud of your accomplishments and that you're able to talk to me about them. you do present me with a much brighter picture. i usually work off Worst Case Scenario (it was how I was raised...ugh....), but you show me glimmers of something better than that. thank you.

i feel like i've been posting too much and maybe bringing people down. i'm going to take a break for awhile.

i hope you have a good weekend.

take care.

I am brand new here but i feel your pain, life is too precious to quit.......there are so many things to live FOR.......so try to weed out the bad and search for the good, try religion, teaching assistant or phone counsiling others? you will get through it - if not, get professional help SOON - good luck.

i'm crashing again. i'm in my old city and all the horrible memories are coming down on me. i feel like i'm going to break.

Are you back for a visit? Are you back permanently? It sounds like it wasn't a good idea to go back there Manda but there you are for whatever reason. And it sounds like it is exactly the same...toxic for you.

I'm sorry you are reliving this...you aren't alone..we are here for you.

(((((((((( Manda ))))))))))

Slow down... take a breath... Remember, you are NOT the same person you were when you left your hometown. You are STRONG!!! You are an AMAZING young lady who has MUCH to offer this world!!

Are you back there permanent? A visit? Back for school? A new job?

I know things seem completely overwhelming....but you CAN get through all of this... Take it day by day... if that doesn't work, go hour by hour, minute by minute, or even second by second and breath to breath.

If you are back there permanently, I suggest trying to go to someplace you have never been... talk to people you have never met--start with a smile and by saying Hi or Hello..

Try to stay away from places that hold bad memories for you...BUT, if you have to go to those places....why not try to make a new friend there?!?

I believe in you and know you can make it through all of this...

Remember... we are all here for you, so please keep talking!!


Abbie

((((((((((Twin))))))))))

Hang in there.... just try to do it... this will pass too....

i'm just not doing well. i can't talk myself out of this. i feel that i'm slipping (even though i'm now back in the new city). i know this downward spiral so well. i don't know how to make it out of this alive.

i can't stop crying. it's been like 6 days straight of this. i don't know. i'm so lost. i don't know what i'm doing anymore.

i'm so scared.

Hey Manda....

Have you been to see your doctor?

I can't recall... Are you on any medicine for depression and/or anxiety?

If you are... maybe you need a med change. If you are not...maybe talk with your doc about getting help to get through what you are dealing with.

There is NO shame in asking for help!!!!!!!!!!

You have more strength than you know!!! I've seen it in your words!!!

Please talk with us!! We just want to help...we don't judge...

If you look up... you will see many hands stretched out to help you up and out of the darkness.

You are loved!!

Abbie

I agree with all that Abbie sister has said. seeing your doc and maybe switch or try to get on some med for they emotions you are dealing with is a good thing.It dose not mean a person is weak because they need help...It makes a person more strong ...because they reconize the need and are brave enought to seek it out. if anyone thinks different they are WRONG!
I also want to say that...and you know this too if you just hold on, remember to breath deep and slowly this will pass.
You will have a better time once this little storm passes.
you are back in your new city so try to let everything that bothered you while you were back at old place let that go if you can. Cry sing write play some nice music... whatever it takes, just let it go and this strom thats on you will pass.
we are all right here and we care about you !
You are filled to the brim with strength .In your pic your eyes are shiny with strength and kindness. its inside you ...try to call on that and hold on let this pass by.
rememebr we are here for you if ya wanna talk or vent.

PEACE
BMW