[legzzalot]

Dh2B and I have been together for 3 years, lived together for the last 2 and a half. DD's dad and I split up pretty much before she was born, but kept trying until she was 4 months old before I decided I would rather her see me alone and happy than in a relationship that made me miserable. So anyways...

Her dad has been around... every other weekend and 2 nonconsecutive weeks during the summer. Although I do offer for him to take her more than that, he usually chooses not to because he doesn't feel like making the drive (even though he drives for a living and has no problems taking off and driving to nags head whenever the mood strikes). So anyways, he is more of a fun weekend dad, she gets to do whatever she wants, talk to him however she wants, and they are off to the amusement park or somewhere fun. Which I somewhat understand, if I only saw her every other weekend I would want to do something fun too.

Father's day is tomorrow. So I bought an art kit that had 2 fathers day gifts that she could make. Works out good for me since she has a dad and a stepdad to be. We did those today, and we played all day.

DH2B comes home from work, we are eating dinner and she asked him something and she called him daddy. This has happened before but she usually catches herself and corrects herself. Then after dinner we are playing the wii and she kept calling him daddy. Freaked me out a little as she has never done this, but being as she is 6... I didn't say anything at first but she kept repeatedly doing it.

So I asked her about this new thing, she says well he is my stepdad and he is my all the time dad, so I have decided I will call him daddy. "what about your real dad?" well, i will call him daddy too. So i told her she can call DH2B what she wants, and that is fine but daddy (real dad) might be sad that she is calling someone else his name.

Her reasoning is... DH2B is always here, he helps her with stuff, fixes her boo boos, built her a clubhouse, gives her an allowance and yells at her when she messes up. So he is more her dad than her real dad, but she still loves her real dad.

This is a very deep convo to have with a 6 year old, and I am sure it is a phase and it could be because DH2B's DD is visiting and she calls him daddy... or it could just be something she does to see how far we will let her go with it... i dunno.

Anyone else go through something like this when they remarried? Should I just ignore it until the novelty wears off or should I put a stop to it? Obviously her real dad is not my favorite person and it is true that DH2B is more of a father to her than her real dad has ever been, so on that hand I don't really mind... but if the tables were reversed and her dad was dating someone and she decided to call them mom, i know how it would make me feel so like it or not I do have to take her dad's feelings into consideration.

[doydie]

I haven' been through any of that but it sounds like your little girl is pretty smart. She realizes what a real Dad is but also knows that she has a biological Dad who you have always taught her to call Dad. It could be that girls at school talk about what they do with their Dad and she wants to be able to say that.

[ewizabeth]

If she's building the relationship with DH2B and wants to call him Daddy too, why not let her do that? As long as you keep the distinction between the two of them, why can't she call both of them the same thing in separate settings? It sounds like she's putting it together logically in her young mind in a very mature way. She sounds very intelligent for a six year old and that's a good thing. Better to have extra love than not enough anyway...

[Earl]

Laura (wife no. 2 is step mom to my daughter. When she was young (3 or 5) she called her mom mom and Laura mamma. I asked her why and she said "we have no steps in our house and Laura sounds too formal. It stuck to this day. No mart what, her father needs to take a bite of reality and grow up and realize it tales more than biology to be a father. I say let her call each man what she wants.

[Kitty]

I have no first hand experience with this situation......but I agree wholeheartedly with Earl.

[Dejibo]

I have been thru this, and while its an huge emotional deal to chose mom, mommy, or step mommy, or just call her Mary in the end I chose to not stress my child over the whole thing. The new step mom was demanding to be called MOMMY! At first I had a fit and a half, but after seeing the stress it was putting on my child, I dropped it and realized that it doesnt matter what he calls whom, as long as he is safe, happy, and is getting a good solid foundation.

If daddy is stressing over this child reassigning names, then perhaps he needs to step up HIS game and become a "real daddy" to her. Being a real dad is alot more than fun parks, and sparkly dress up dates. its about boundaries, and discipline, and allowing her to make mistakes, grow, and explore. To be the one making her feel safe as she makes her grooves in the world. if real daddy has issues then sit down with both of them and talk it out. DEMAND that real daddy NOT be pushy with this child as she explores and figures out her world.

it will be fine, either way. it will be fine. I promise.

[SandyC]

I see no problem with it. As someone who grew up without a dad, I would have given a left leg to have someone to be my daddy.

[SallyC]

When DH and I married, his 2 boys were 4 & 6 yrs old, they are now 45 & 47. They always called me Sally. As they got older and introduced me to others, it was as their stepMother. They would do that right in front of their Mother.

I think they asked me, when they were little, what to call me and I answered, Sally. I remembered when my Mom & Dad devorced and he remarried. She was an A-hole, who went around tell everyone that she was my Mother. I hated her guts for that and told her so..

[legzzalot]

Yeah I think I am just going to leave it alone and see how it plays out.

Personally, I have no problems with her calling DH2B dad because he IS her dad. He is the one that taught her how to skate, bought her her first bike, takes care of her when I can't, he's the one that goes to get her from school when she is sick, etc. He is also the one that makes her clean her room and do her chores and tesches her about respect and puts up with the temper tantrums and the bad times too.

She gave her dad his present today and then told him she made one for DH2B too because he is her other dad and he is going to be her stepdad, then she showed him my pretty ring. I could tell by the look on his face he was not happy about it, but oh well. And you guys are right if he doesn't like that she has someone else she sees as a dad then he needs to man up and be there for her more.

And I have other moms that i call mom. Because they are like mothers to me, and have been there for me since I was a kid, and I know how much I appreciate having them in my life and knowing that I am loved. My best friend's mom always introduces me to people as "my other child". And I call her "my other mom". It's just the way it is.

My dad has never been a part of my life and at 14 I decided he was not worth my time or energy and I haven't spoken to him since, as far as DD knows my dad died when I was little because it was easier to explain than to tell her what a horrible man he really is. So yes, she is a very lucky girl to have 2 dads.