Am I a magnet for unstable folks?

Pity party coming your way.

My family is just plain nuts, dont even have to explain that here.

Most every friend I have met and become attached to on the internet has turned out to be so nice, and friendly and sweet in the begining, only to find out months, sometimes years later, that they are cheating on their husbands, react inappropriately to situations, lash out in fits of undeserved anger or turn out to want to stalk me!

Can I just have some normal friends? I mean come on! I dont expect mother Thersa to show up, but I dont want to be surrounded by women with such low self esteem that cheating on their husbands is common place, or no biggie, or running off to have "me time" doesnt make them reflect about the children that are sitting at home wondering where mommy is. How bout those that play video games for 6 hours each evening only to type that they will be right back, they have a fussy baby to take care of!

Am I being too judgemental? too picky? am I expecting too much? I want friends, and I want interactions, but I dont want to surround myself with folks that think nothing of lying, cheating, running around, or ignoring their own families. Sheesh!

anyone else lonely? My local friends wandered off after my MS dx and have families and jobs to go to. Most women my age work, or have families to raise.

What can I do to attract a better quality of friend? Today I simply walked away from another unstable person who i refused to allow to talk to me as if I was a peice of garbage. Sorry, but I wont allow you to disrepect me. She called me her sister friend for more than a year now, only to turn and spray venom on me. eek! I guess I saw these signs in her along the way, but had chosen to turn my head.

*sigh* im lonely!

Aw, Dej ... You're not asking too much for a friend. I'd be happy to be your friend! I don't cheat on my husband (we've been divorced these last 16 yrs cuz he cheated on me, among other things)...Never left my kids for "me" time cuz I was all they had. I don't get angry or snippy very easily (actually, it takes a LOT to make me angry), and the fact that you have MS doesn't scare me off (hmmm...wonder why ).
My point is, there are good people out there that might deserve having a good friend like you. Don't give up!

isnt it sad when folks are not honest, even with themselves? they speak about having the same interests, values, and lifestyle and then...it turns out they make this stuff up. One woman told me she was coming thru my area, making visits to see several internet friends, and asked if I would mind if she stayed at my house. I had been speaking to her for over a year. She arrived at I took her home for ONE night. She left the next day in a rental car and was gone for a whole week. She returned to my house and expected me to put her up for TWO weeks, until her flight left. um NO! She was really hurt that I wouldnt allow her to stay free room and board and asking me to run after her. Wanted to borrow my car, use my phone for LD calls, internet ...you get the idea. Turns out she had left her husband and had no place to stay. DH and I took her to a motel and paid for 1 night. We told her the next day she was on her own. Please dont come back to the house.

One woman expected me to provide private duty nursing for her husband who was dx with blood cancer. She thought I was going to leave my home, and go sleep in the recliner chair for 3rd shift private duty while he was in the hospital in another state! When I explained that my MS prevents me from working to take care of me, let alone others, she was really hurt. No pay, no place to stay, just a hospital recliner, and scrounging around the hospital for food? um...no!

others expect me to help set up websites, forums, or internet stuff and want to use me as their special techie guru only no pay! One even said "I guess I could pay someone, but why should I when I have nice folks like you that will help me for free?" I gave her simple advice and then said NO!

see the pattern? I am a nice girl, and folks are quick to take advantage of that. I am feeling like a magnet for the unstable. Oh the stories I could tell.

I've been taken advantage of, too, so don't feel like it's just you.

Due to this unfortunate fact.....I find myself less enthusiastic to make friends and get close to anyone new.

Maybe we just need to be rude and mean upfront. Set the tone. Make people not want to ask us for anything! I'm just kidding.....but I wonder if that's what it takes?

I wouldn't dream of doing what some of the people you've described have done. I wonder what makes some folks feel justified to ask for so much?

Great Dej does this mean my plan to stalk you and then come unannounced for an extended vacation at your home with my new boyfriend while dh2b is at home with the kids is a bad idea?? Well, dang it now what am I supposed to do for vacation?!??!?!?!

A friend that is a women's studies professor swears that if in a party of 200 people if there is only 1 wife beater and 1 woman with a history of domestic violence they will manage to find each other. I had some crappy luck with boyfriends early on and managed to figure out that with friends I needed to be as particular as with a potential boyfriend. I was the only common demoninator when it came to attracting loser men so I had to be the one who changed my approach.

It is like renting out a house. You have absolutely got to 100% be hard core and not let one bit of your emotions take over because if you feel sorry for a prospective tenant's past history of bad luck you will end up getting screwed over. I sort the kitty from the litter very quickly even with family. The crack pots know not to even entertain the idea of trying to drag me into any drama.

There are decent people out there it just takes a long time to find them and develop that bond, imo. Although they are a wonderful addition to my life I do keep my internet friends as acquaintances My true friends are those I have known for 20 years and although this might sound sad there are only 5 people that I truly consider dear, lifelong friends.

The good news is that in all the years I've known these people not once did any of them ask to borrow money, get themselves in a legal or morally compromised position or do anything that would make me lose respect for them. We can go months without talking but when we do manage to hook up it is like yesterday. They have seen me at my best and worst and have been my cheerleaders. I love them and if I never make another friend for as long as I live I have been blessed to have known these few wonderful people.

Dej - I'm sorry you are treated that way and deceived by these so-called friends.

I was actually thinking of starting a thread about how I attrack all the needy people (not internet though). When they stop needing me they just walk away from our so-called friendship. My latest is with a neighbor who needed a shoulder to lean on while she was going through some serious medical problems. I lent an ear and spent time doing the things she wanted to do despite the days I was not feeling well myself. As she got better I continued to put an effort into our friendship and thought she was too. But she is better now and getting on with her life and has made it clear she no longer needs me so poof there goes the friendship. This happens to me over and over and each time I think how great it is to have met a new friend only to have them walk away when they no longer need that extra help through a difficult time. Even my husband has asked me "how come you alway attrack needy people who disappear as soon as they no longer need?". I can't change who I am. I'm a person who loves to help others so this will probably continue to happen. Although I am now more shy and slow to make new friends because I don't want the disappointment again.

You are not alone. I'll be your friend with no strings attached!

awww Dej. I can be a gr8 friend! I believe fidelity in marriage! I am kinda in the same boat as for having "friends" They either work or turned the other way after my diagnosis. I have "aquaintances but my friends are on NeuroTalk. Ya'll are the ones that understand.

Dej,
It's OK for people to be broken, just not all the time. I have 2 friends of over 30 years I can depend on. No toxic people are allowed to stay in my life. Having taught I know how to put on the "You Idiot. No, you can not pull that carp with me" look. Does it put me in the running for Miss Congeniality? No, but I don't care. I have to put me first

I can be strong cause my friends are strong and have taught me. But they and my Dad taught me sometimes you make a mistake, that's OK, just clean up behind yourself. Mom said "Always be nice.". It's a balancing act.

Can we be virtual friends? I promise to never show up at your house.

I have learned to spot these damaged folks much quicker than in days gone by. I am less tolerant of BS and manipulations. I am quick to say "buh bye now" I was just stunned yesterday when a woman I have known for a while now, started blathering on about how she is leaving her disabled husband for some man in England, and how she expected me to help her keep secrets, and wanted me to run her virtual shop while she was away playing in another country. She went on and on about how much "me time" she needed, and how hard it was to carry her crippled husband. The way she spoke floored me! I told her that she either needs to be IN her marriage or OUT of her marriage, but she cant ride the fence. I was NOT going to be responsible for her shop, her secrets, or the fallout of ignoring both. The way she spoke of her husband really upset me. I know being a caregiver is darn hard work, but there are ways to get a break without running off to be in the arms of another man!

Im just shocked at how quickly these folks step up and try the BS game. My family are pro's at it, so I can spot it pretty quickly, and I WONT allow it in my space. I think more of myself than to hang out with folks that brag about shoplifting, or cheating, or speaking about their other friends as if they are garbage. If they talk about their other friends like that, what must they be saying about me?!

I do have weird neighbors, and I must admit I am a bit more tolerant of the BS in order to keep peace on such a small street. I will go let out their doggies when they have been out shopping too long, and call and ask. I did draw the line at being the caretaker of the property while they were at their winter home. I did draw the line at being the supervisor over tenants that rent the inlaw apartment. I have managed to shut my mouth and allow rude, obnoxious comments to fly over my head, when I wanted to speak up.

Sigh, I just want a few friends that dont expect me to carry them too! is that too much to ask? Why is it that folks gravitate to me when they are in trouble, danger, or pain, and then when I try to speak on days that I am hurt, I am told to go tell it to someone else? I mentioned on a message board about my sick kitty and was pretty much slapped by a woman who thought me rude, and unkind to my poor helpless animal, and wanted to call the humane society on me for the abusive treatment of JAck. WTH?! she went on to say I was grossing people out by using "litterbox talk" when I should be aware that not everyone wants to hear gross things. huh?! nutballs! they just seem to know my name.

Im sure you folks get it when I say im lonely. I am not sitting in the dark crying, but I do crave interactions with folks. I am not sitting here waiting to be rescued, but i do appreciate a good conversation. How come folks can tell me all about their pain, but when I mention my own, I am being selfish, rude, or whining? I think I am over tired, and need to get out of here.

You guys are awesome to listen to me. Thanks!