Have you tried grabbing a pillow and screaming into it? It helps seriously, it just releases something so primal in you that is hard to explain.

The house is full of food. All the clothes are clean, ironed and hung up. The beds are made, the potties are washed and the floors are clean. The cuppords are full of yummy food that is easy to reheat. I have given the cat his meds, and he wont need more till monday. I have strict instructions that if the caller ID shows the neighbors who are away, it MUST go to voice mail. I refuse to take their call. Let them leave a message. Mom is feeling better, and I told ALL siblings her phone number. Call her! dont call me. Dont tell me why you are mad at her. I DONT CARE! Call her or dont, either way I dont care. Now onto the good part.

I have declared this a "leave me alone" weekend. I am not taking calls from ANYONE! not my kids, not my mom, not my siblings, not my neighbors, and not from anyone who needs a computer repaired, a lost dog found, or anyone who needs a ride to the soup kitchen. I booked off my shift for tonight and tomorrow and I am just going to lay here and watch TV. I told DH to please understand that while I love him dearly, he is making me insane! STOP IT! you are not 12 and you dont need me to be your mommy to help you find whatever it is you lost. Either get up and grab a slip from your "honey do" jar or dont! I dont care! its not about what you do or dont do, its about backing up and giving me space. Man up you Jar Headed Marine!

I have told the DH that if I dont find some ME ME ME pampering time I am going to get in the car and take it. I will drive to a fancy city somewhere and not tell anyone where I went to. Even him! Whatever else, everyone has on their to do list, shall be done without ME this weekend. or I am running away to join the circus.

You are so excellent at your advice Craig. When I got to the breaking point, I sat my family down and told them I was no longer able to be the total mom,wife etc that I had been. So, from that day forward whenever they saw me with this hat (a cute baseball cap with a logo meaning leave me alone) it would be their clue to pretend I was not "Home" and just go about their own business until the hat came off. It worked wonders and became quite the family joke. For instance, I would walk into kitchen to get a drink and boys and dad would be eating dinner and one child would remark, "LOOK! I think ghost mom is sneaking through the house!" and they would all burst out laughing. Me too! LOL They all turned out brilliant independent successful men ...so I guess it didnt hurt anyone for me to take my "ME" time!! Try it! You'll breath a whole lot easier and all that frustration will melt away. Your fatigue WONT let you be the super woman you were...but you can still be super...only in smaller bites.

Good for you Dej and when you return from your me time. don't fall back into the trap. Every day should have some me time in it.

Talk to your Doc about the sadness. You've been thru a lot of stress lately.

Well!!!! I have only one thing to say about all of this................"THIS IS SOOO AWESOME!" "CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!"

Sorry, I lost control there for a moment.

MS robbed me! Thats all I have to say. MS robbed me!

After decades of being a great wife, and mother, and my own career, i was supposed to be using my retirement years to travel, see the world, experience africa, Asia, England, and visiting far off lands where the water scares me to drink. I didnt expect to spend my retirement watching TV!

DH retired and now he is just in the way. I love this man so much it hurts, but he has a very different view on the world. Yes, he helps cook, clean and care take, but 9 times out of 10 I have to go behind him and clean up. He thinks living the "ride the couch" life is ok. He is happy for the rest after decades of prison work. If he takes on a job it becomes a barrage of "honey? what happened to the...?" I have taken him by the hand and asked him each time, "do you know where the screwdrivers live?" then I lead him to them. "they live here." He gives those compliements like "well, you have always done this kind of job, and it always comes out right. When I do it, it falls apart, can you help me?" I remind him that it comes out right because I have practice! and with some practice his job can turn out right too. I have raised my children. I took great care of hubby while he worked, but he isnt working anymore, and I am no longer the chief cook and bottle washer here.

I want out of here! I want to travel the world! I worked hard for it. I deserve it! Then we sit down for a check up and the MD says "maybe not just yet. lets get your blood work under control first" or "lets change that medicine and see what happens" I am tired of having MS. I just want to be able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I am being a spoiled child and I know it, and dont care what others think.

I do feel better after running everyone off yesterday and I have sent the husband out into the woods to hunt, so he will be gone most of the day today.

(((Dej)))
I'm glad you're getting some time for yourself this weekend. Women are particularly apt to take care of others at their own expense, but that just doesn't work. You have to give to yourself first, then you'll have more to give to others.
Enjoy your "me" time this weekend, and be sure to schedule more of it for yourself!

Erin - You are NOT being a spoiled child-stop demeaning yourself and it is extemely hard to tolerate lower standards than the ones we have for ourselves-or at least it is for me. I decided it was a control issue for me and the only one I had a right to control was me..not family, friends or those pathetic PAs-these people deserve my gratitude...even if they will NEVER do it the way I like it to be done-lol. So I decided to just chill out when others are the "doers" and I can just put it all back together (or not) when I feel more energetic. Otherwise...its just life. As for all your retirement dreams being over...well...they are only over if that is what YOU have decided. Unless my health has me in the hospital, I can do and go anywhere I want-its not the way I expected it to be, I agree, but we cant control the weather either. For instance, we went to Hawaii (before I got sick) fancy cruise all over islands etc. It rained the entire week!!! Not exactly what I had PLANNED on for my trip. I actually never even gave rain a thought before we left for the trip. But, I still had a blast and saw all the islands and went everywhere I wanted-except I had to do it in the rain..so, my point is...MS has no control over your life...slowed it up, altered your lifestyle, but YOU, glorious You have the control panel...well, ok ...except when the fatigue reigns or any of those other nasty symptoms...but thats only temporary! You will -after resting-or after the flare be able to get up and bounce back. ROCK ON KIDDOS.

Sorry, I mean Deja, not erin-lol-its just one of those brain bleeps.

Dearest Dejibo,

OK! Let's just take a deep breath here and look at all of this from another point of view. C'mon, just to be different. Notice I have chopped your post considerably and taken the liberty to emphasize two primary statements. Bear with me on this, remember I'm a totally disabled guy and you don't want to mess with the disabled guy because it doesn't look good on your resume.

"MS robbed me!" Ahhh.....No! MS is just something that has happened to you in life and you now must adapt to the ever changing challenges. If you truly feel MS robbed you then it is because you are giving MS permission to mess with your mind and you are allowing yourself to take responsibility for MS happening to you. The solution is very simple. Do not accept the MS responsibility, you didn't do anything to bring it on. Do not give MS permission to mess with your mind. Simply don't allow it! Oh! Did I mention this is a simple solution? BUT! I didn't say it was going to be easy.

As Tresa so wisely pointed out, "WE" have absolute control over our thoughts, attitude, and resulting behavior. For anything to be otherwise we must voluntarily give permission. I know this sounds goofy but Dr. Maxwell Maltz originally stated if you want to be enthusiastic, "ACT" enthusiastic." Meaning, however you want to be simply take on the traits and act that way. You want to feel better? Start humming a happy song and physically start smiling and watch what happens. At total change of state comes over your body.

So no. MS hasn't robbed you of anything you haven't allowed it to. Take back control of that which you have total and absolute control. We have a choice in life, to "react" or "respond." Reacting is knee jerk and most of the time detrimental. Responding requires restraint and thinking, thus we have total "Response - Ability." It is how we respond to life that makes all the difference regardless of the circumstances.

You want to do whatever you want to do? OK! Then "DO" it! I was recently "told" I shouldn't and couldn't go parasailing. Check out my personal blog and read about my parasailing experience with pictures. I take full responsibility for myself, thoughts, attitudes, and behavior. I do what I want. You have the exact same power.

Listen to your doctor, then take a trip to Europe. OMG! Maybe even take a 14 day cruise to Hawaii. And I'm upset because they won't let me zip line through the jungles of Kauai. I think you get my point here without me belaboring it.

So go Dejibo and be who you want to be, do what you want to do. They say guilt weighs ounces but "regret" weighs tons. I have no regrets. You don't need them either. The only things that come to people who "play it safe" and patiently "wait" are......leftovers from those who went ahead and "DID IT!" Your choice.