[Noidy]

My depression finally lifted. I've been able to start a blog and return to forums this past few days. To be completely honest, I've been in an extremely deep depression, and haven't really had the heart to do the things that I use to, until just a couple of days ago.

I was doing wonderful until I received a phone call from my father.

"We talked, and decided that you shouldn't go to the family Christmas dinner this year. You're sick, it's obvious, and I don't want you making your problems everyone elses"

That's what he told me. That's not all... he's been telling other people that I have lymes disease, because he's emberassed that I have MS.

This is my father. I spent my entire life worshiping him. He's a chiropractor. When I was little, I would wear one of his Dr's coats, and follow him all over his office. I adored him so much, and still do.

My mother died in 1999. She had bulbar onset als from a sod 1 mutation. I have the mutation, but so far just MS. My father was horrible to her toward the end. She emberassed him just like I do.

My fathers new wife thinks I'm garbage, and has my dad believing that about me. He assumes I'm on drugs because I'm skinny. When I cry, he tells me to stop my whining. He assumes if I cry that I want something from him.

It's just too difficult. I'm thinking about cutting him out of my life, but am afraid of breaking his heart.

Sorry to dump all of my problems here. I am just looking for advice. Any is good.

I hope that none of you here has had to face the treatment that I have because it hurts so much... but if you have, what did you do?

I am thinking about crashing the christmas party to see my elderly grandfather, but I don't want to upset him. He dosen't even know that I'm sick yet, and I need a cane to walk with.

Thank you so much for letting me rant a little. Has anyone else been treated like this because of their ms??? I hope this isn't normal. Nobody should be treated this way.

Hugs. Josi

[Kitty]

I'm at a total loss for words. All I can do is shake my head. I am so sorry that your father is treating you like this. It's cowardly and horrible.

I know this had to hurt you to the core. Other's actions never cease to amaze me. Especially adults (or seemingly adults) who have a medical background!

It sounds like your stepmother has alot of power in persuading him to think like he does.

You mentioned not wanting to break his heart. It doesn't seem to bother him that he's broken yours. I'm not saying that acting as he does is the answer but I think you need to concentrate on yourself right now and how you feel. He's not overly concerned about anyone else's feeling but his own right now.

Maybe you can plan a private visit with your Grandfather so as not to upset him with having your father around. I think you have every right to attend the family function but your father sounds like a person who might get a kick out of causing a big stink if he has an audience.

Please don't let his childish and immature behavior intimidate you or make you feel any less a part of the family. I'd ignore him......but that's just me. I'd look right through him and just pretend he wasn't there. Easier said than done, though.

You've got lots of support here and nobody will tell you that you're not welcome.

[Noidy]

Thanks Kitty. Just knowing that I have support makes me feel much better. I like the idea of arranging to see my grandfather privately near christmas. I think I'm going to call him today and arrange to do that. I'm not going to let my dad's problem keep me from seeing my grandad.

[Kitty]

Originally Posted by Noidy

Thanks Kitty. Just knowing that I have support makes me feel much better. I like the idea of arranging to see my grandfather privately near christmas. I think I'm going to call him today and arrange to do that. I'm not going to let my dad's problem keep me from seeing my grandad.

Good for you!! And you'll probably have a better time if it's just you and Grandad. You'll both have each others undivided attention. A wonderful gift for each of you.

[kicker]

Noidy,
First I'm so glad to "see" you again.
Second and most important - Your father is so wrong about all this IMHO.

Your grandfather loves you. You not being around hurts him much more than the truth. He deserves to see you, love you and know truths. Is he a child or senile?

Kitty is right. Set up seeing him another day, so neither of you has to deal with others.

Of course you love your dad and you should. I'm sorry he is like this on the subject of MS. But that doesn't change reality. Joan Didion (an author, she also has MS) was talking about her DH's death sending her into "magical thinking", a sort of denial of unpleasant real truth.

I too am Shaking my head, but love your recognition that it's "dad's problem".

[Snoopy]

Josi,

How very hurtful, I am sorry

It is so very difficult to realize our parent(s) are not very nice people. Unfortunately I have a parent that is not a nice person...and that is putting it mildly.

In my case: It became obvious that for my own mental wellbeing I had to cut ties with my mother. I have not seen her since the summer of 2003 and have not spoken to her since about 2005.

As hard as that was to do it has brought internal peace for me.

[SallyC]

(((((Josi)))))...What a horribly hurtful experience for you.

Aren't you glad your depression lifted, just in time to get slugged in the mouth. What a total turd your Pop is.

He's ashamed of you!!!!! You are now, ashamed of him and he deserves it. Dej, may I borrow those heavy duty rings of yours??? *POW* right in the kisser!

By the way, did Grandpa raise this neanderthal?

[Noidy]

My grandad raised my father, but thank goodness, is absolutely nothing like him. My grandad is a genius, and plays any musical instrument you can imagine. He also makes clocks. I may have worshipped the ground my father walked on, but my granpa has always been my hero.

[Dejibo]

it was horrible to cut off my family, but I found if I was to survive, they had to go. They kept me stressed, and upset, and irritated. it was painful, and a process, but I had to learn the difference between what I wanted them to think and believe about me, and what they actually said and believed about me. Once I faced reality I learned they said awful things about me. Untrue and hateful, hurtful things. They believed me to be a faker, whiner, and cry baby. They didnt see anything truthful or redeeming about me. The only reason they were nice to me was the fact that I had a fat wallet.

it hurt. and I went back and forth, and it hurt again and again, but in the end, I had to chose to either get in the mud with them and the lies and hurt or walk past them and live my life in the light and honesty.

I hope no one ever has to live thru the hurtful things and events I had to , but if you do, take strength in knowing that there is a tomorrow! There are folks that care. There are folks that want you to be ok. That dont believe you are a whiner, or a cry baby. That love you because you are a good person, not because you have money or other items they want.

I vote that you crash that party. Go see your grand dad and then, make your peace and live your own life. Shame on your dad. Shame on his wife. She is probably adding fuel to his already distorted fire. Its up to you if you chose to tell him that as long as he is lying and treating you this way that you will not be calling, coming back or celebrating anything with him. The day he choses to treat you as his little girl again, pick up the phone, and you will answer. Till then, please leave me be.

I am here if you need a hug, or a cheerleader.

[Debbie D]

I'd go visit Grandpa by yourself...and to minimize the cane surprise, you could decorate it with red and white to make it look like a candy cane, and tell your Gpa that you wanted to look Christmassy

It is a rude awakening when our parents jump down off of the pedestal we put them on to show us that they are flawed humans just like the rest of the adults. When they begin to scar our souls, I feel it's time to cut them off. If you're embarrassing him so, you'll do him a favor by not showing up in his life. He'll be the loser in this.

In a way, it's a good thing that you'd had the cloud of depression lift before he hit you with this...you must have been stronger emotionally to be able to deal with his ignorance of how what he'd say would affect you. And shame on your step mom...just goes to show it takes all kinds to make a world

Take care of YOURSELF...