ok, please I dont want to talk christian vs jewish vs muslim vs pagan, I just want to know some regional differences in churches.

Example # 1

When I lived in the south, (southern baptist) if I said "gee, im not feeling my best. Im really struggling to keep up to the housework, and kids, and DH is making me crazy! he needs to start our garden, but isnt motivated because he is worried about me." Witin a week I would have a gang of church sisters at my door. Freezer meals in hand, and cleaning cloths flying in the wind screaming "move aside you need help and we are here." The husbands would be behind them to capture my DH and drag him out to the garden to get it popping. Its embarrassing to start with but after it happens a few times you either learn to say Im fine, no worries, or get used to having help.

Example #2

now that I am in NEw England I am confused. I have been to no less than 6 churches now. No one seems interested in helping each other. When a little old lady said she hasnt been eating because she cant stand long enough to cook for herself, they called social services on her instead of going to her home and trying to help her find ways to do it. Or meals on wheels or having the congregation drop off meals. Adopt her so to speak. Another woman had major surgery and it was dicey, but she lived. I went to visit after 10 days at home. I said "you must be overwhelmed with visitors, yes?" and her reply was "nah, youre the first." HUH?! Im confused I said. She went on to tell me that New England girls do it differently. They are not up in your face helping you unless you scream out and say "come help me" and you have to be specific. "come help me vacuum" or "come help me shop" you cant expect others to come carry your burden.

So, tell me. how is it at YOUR church? When you find someone who says to the congregation "I was dx with a brain tumor, MS and im struggling. DH is sad, and the housework is a struggle. I just dont know what to do." What does YOUR congregation do with such folks?

ignore her
Pray for her
Go help her
Tell the pastor, its his job to help her.
Call and ask what she needs
say that poor thing and get on with YOUR day?

I guess I am home sick for the southern way. I miss being in a community and not just a neighborhood. Everyone keeps telling me "its the Yankee way." well, im so far not impressed. I am horrified when I see so many lost and wandering and no one seems to care that they left the flock. The pastor says "they know where home is, they will come back when they get hungry or scared.

It really broke my heart this week to know an elder didnt receive ONE visit. not one! she sat all alone unable to feed herself, unable to toilet herself and when someone finally went to visit her she was sitting in her own soil and confused from being so dehydrated. what have we become?

Yeah the churches are really lazy these days... Oh, they come to life when it's time to raise money, but you have to kick the Pastor in the butt, to get him/her moving on personaly helping their flock.

It's getting worse too. I really don't have a church anymore. I'm still catholic and still serve and pray for God's help, but the church part has become the political part of it all.

I still support the church, because God has asked me to do so, but I no longer attend the services. I miss it terribly.

I do think any good church would come through for you, if asked specifically, but they don't seem to search you out, if you are in need, anymore. Subtle hints are mostly ignored.

I've been at the same church since 1996, and it seems the standards have changed dramatically in that time. I think it's societal and it's everywhere. I had gallbladder surgery in 1997, and had someone at my house everyday with a home-cooked meal.

In contrast, when I was dx with MS in 2006, I put a notice in a regional newsletter begging for help with childcare, and also put something in my inlaws church bulletin (they are a completely different denomination). I had one single response, and she backed out.

I also sent out a group email to a home school network, since I had previously had a wonderful babysitter who was homeschooled but she had to move away. I had one response from that group as well, and she was a complete nutjob!

I don't even bother asking anymore. My kids could feed themselves by the time they were two.

I don't go to church anymore, I'm sorry Mom, so I will relate my sisters and my daughters experiences. We live in southwest Indiana and my sister belongs to a Southern Baptist church. When she was diagnosed with a sever type of breast cancer and had numerous surgeries before it was all done. She also has fibromyalgia and has had a knee replacement and a lot of other ortho surgeries. I guess I should also say he is a deacon in the church and she is dierector of the childrens department. So when she has had her surgeries the church totally took care of her and her husband.

OK, now for my daughter. They belong to a very large church in Lexington, Ky. If anyone has any kind of need, whether it be someone to take in your dog while you are gone to providing you a car for a week when yours is in the shop, the church totally takes care of it. They are the most giving church, a total example of what Christ would do.

Now to the church I was going to when I stopped. It also is a Southern Baptist church, they always prided thenselves to be a friendly church. They all knew I had MS and occasionally had to miss church because of it. My husband doesn't attend at all. So it was ashamedly pretty easy to just start staying at home more and more often. No one called me to see how I was, if I was fatigues enought that I needed any help. After about a year they stopped sending me the weekly newsletter. I know I need to get back in church and I know that for many years I loved that church. I and both of our children were married there. They have changed some of their attitudes about dressing up for church and that is one of my problems about going now. I don't have any nice clothes. I'm heavy enough that I do't want to go shopping. I live in jeans. So I know that I can be comfortable there .

well I don't think about you wanted all this when you asked about churches but I guess God wanted me to.

I just think that a church needs to take care of its members every bit as much as its members need to take care of their church. If one is in need, we are all in need. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link kinda thinking.

Im sad that I grew up in such a tight knit, here if you need me, and mean it kinda church and now I live in a place that you can tell them you have a brain tumor, MS and are going blind and you cant get the pastor to call.

I tithe, to you would think based on that alone, I would get someones attention when I am not there. (it means I give a full 10% of my income BEFORE taxes) its not my money, its God's money. I have been taught that since I was a child. Since I am not going to church the money goes to other projects like local hungry kids, food banks, and so on. Still makes me wonder that if they dont miss me, and they dont miss the money, and they dont miss my sparkly singing voice, and they dont miss those I give rides to or sit with when they are ill...what would it take? I dont do any of it for accolades or recognition, but I cant help but scratch my head. I have taken my efforts away from the church and have been branching out on my own, but I miss it. I miss what I think of in my head as a good church.

What I have now makes me upset. Thank you for sharing your stories. Im struggling with life in this back water burg and church has always been a refuge for me. I cant even say that here.

I'm out in the weeds of NE Indiana. I chose a Mennonite church and have been overwhelmed by the power of this tiny congregation. If any in our congregation have any need and voice it, or have someone voice it for them, two things happen: Prayer is immediately put forth, followed by folks asking how they can help. And help we do. No one is ever ignored. We take care of each other as I've never seen in my life.

Dejibo, we will hold you in prayer that your needs be met on all levels. It's not just the Mennonite way of doing God's bidding; it's the way it ought to be in any Christ centered community IMHO.

These people have nutured me in ways I can't count and they continue. I joined this denomination because I saw the power of a small group of humble folks acting on their faith. Now I can't do a lot in life but I sure can pray with these people and share words of encouragement and kindness.

Would that it were this real all over the world.

It sounds to me like some of your churches have strong leadership and others do not.
For those who do not, I would sit down with the minister and ask him/her why there is such a lack of community within the church. Someone has to lead the flock or the flock goes with the status quo.
I have also found that different parts of the country are friendlier than others (military wife for 20 years).
The weak churches need a committee to monitor the needs of the congregation and start working as a team and getting the communication going.

Thank you. I cant tell you what that did for me to just hear that someone heard me. Would raise me in prayer. I am not a weepy girl, but after reading your post I felt the sting of fresh tears as they burned my weary eyes. Thank you.

Im pretty vocal and have sat with pastor after pastor. I get dismissive or uninformed answers. Some are quite passive and wont pull the load onto their own plate, while others play the blame game of how the powers that be that dictate the churchs policy...IM NOT BEING HEARD! I feel like I am shouting from every street corner, and begging for those that are in the house of God to hear me, and yet they stand and look at me as if I were speaking Cherokee.

I need God in my life, and he is firmly planted there, but being part of God means giving back, sharing, and holding hands with those who have less, and those who have more. Washing dishes for those that cannot, and accepting meals from those that can. I miss the dance! No one in these back woods towns knows the steps and act like I have introduce rap music during a jazz festival.

Im really struggling in my faith lately. its nice to know someone heard me.

Dejibo