I've had alot of stress lately. My cognitive functioning is declining. I went to IKEA for some insane reason. I couldn't find my way out and I was having trouble finding my words. This problem seems to be happening more and more. I can't reduce my stress my son lives with me. My husband who is his step dad is getting more and more concerned. He actually was testing me to see how I would do at the store. He thinks I have trouble taking care of myself never mind a 16 year old who just got caught with pot and is pist that I invaded his space. Now my husband is upset. My son is pist and I'm trying to deal. Can stress really make me that much worse?

Yes. I could be having a wonderful day and think I'm making pretty good progress in my recovery...and then BAM!!!...something stressful happens like an argument with the ex-fiance or a family member and everything comes crashing down on me.

This happened to me just yesterday. I came back from getting my adjustment and was having a fairly decent day...and then I got into a text argument with my ex-fiance about my son. It pretty much ruined my day...cognitive functions dropped substantially.

Umm, I'm not really quite sure what to say? Your dealing with a lot right now considering what's going on with your son. I wish your son would realize what stress does to you. Have you explained it to him? Does your husband work full-time? You mentioned he is your son's step-dad. I'm sure your son wouldn't respond well to him dealing with the problems your having with him; considering it's not your son's real father. Maybe you should have someone else in the family that he is close with help with any stressful situation your having regarding your son.

Have you tried speaking to your son calmly? I know catching him with pot is a big thing and your quite upset about it...but maybe he will respond better to you sitting him down and having a one on one with him. I think this will minimize the stress.

Your not alone, though. I also have issues when it comes to stress. Yes, it makes everything worse. You aren't "getting worse" though, if that makes sense? Your still recovering, your not going backwards, it's just the PCS brain doesn't handle stress very well.

I really wish I had more to offer you.

If I can come up with anything else I will be sure to post.

crystal,

As Nick (nwsmith1984) said, yes stress can mess up your day and likely the next few days.

I have had bad days after a simple conversation that lasted too long.

Just remember, your son is a guest in your space. Every bit of space he has is due to the generosity and support of you and your husband.

As in the Cosby Show, when Theo was hitting up Dr Huxstable for money for his selfish desires and said "But Dad, we are rich." Dr Huxstable responded, "Your mother and I are rich, You, Theo are poor."

Don't expect to be able to change your son. That ship has sailed. Now, your goal is to survive until your son is old enough to move out. He no longer wants a mother. Try to learn to just observe and contain his mess to his room.

What would he say if you asked him for a joint so you could settle your nerves? It would be an interesting question, hypothetically.

Try to not stress over those things that you can not change. I know it is hard.

My best to you.

Thanks guys for your input. I know I have a long road in front of me. I did take his phone, itouch, xbox etc. He is coming home from being with his dad since monday. I'm hoping being away has giving him some time to think. We shall see. He comes home tonight and is probably going to be very upset with me. So be it. I've thought long and hard about what I should do. I will sit down and have another chat about what stress does to me. I will try and put the changes I'm making into place and the rest will be up to him. I have decided that I will be moving out of this town. I figure it might be a good idea to live in a more secluded location. This will take me some time. Basically I will do my best and if I cant handle this then I will have to have his father take over his care. My husband thinks I should now but I have to give my son a chance to do the right thing.

I will continue his therapy and consider the outpatient rehab. The therapist said that sometimes putting a kid into rehab could do more damage cause they learn more tricks.

As for me... I will try and focus on my recovery. I know all this clutter in my life is making me lose my focus. I need to work on that.

A bit harsh I think, given what we've heard. A pretty inconsiderate teenager engaging in some risky behaviour, yes, but not necessarily a lost cause forever!

But yes, stress can definitely make things worse so it doesn't sound like you're in a position to tackle this stuff yourself right now. The best thing you can do for him is to get yourself better, and to do that you need to be rested and not stressed. Good luck!

I agree that taking care of yourself needs to come first here. If you're not taking care of yourself, you can't give him the care, support, and accountability he needs.

This was so hard for me. I was a high school teacher and worked with "high-risk" youth for nearly five years before my concussion. I loved it, and I was good at it. After my concussion, my emotional lability, headaches, difficulty multi-tasking, slowness in respoding, and fatigue made it impossible for me to function in situations that I had previously been good at handling.

Right now, I'm not able to give them the quality of education they need and deserve. That was really hard to admit, and it was really hard to step aside and let someone else do it, especially because I HAD been able to do it in the past and knew I was darn good at it.

Ultimately, as sad and as hard as it was, it's in their best interest and my best interest both right now. You and your son might be in the same place.

Hi , and I am sorry the stress in your family is so hard on you right now. Yes, and illness can be made worse by stress. Just don't let it become permanent and you can still move forward.
I cought my son when he was 16, the same thing. he asked me point blank,"what are you going to do about this Ma?" I actually let it slide, as what can I say when I was a child of the 60's? He grew out of it, joined the Navy, and to tell you the truth he was not damaged by his little adventure any more than I was. I am not saying I condone it, no, but in some instances, getting all upset is not worth it. If he is still stable, does good in school, handles his responsibilites. I would hope it is a passing phase that you can discourage without the whole family being in a uproar. Tell him your reasons you don't want him to do that calmly. Do not condone it, but rather talk to him about it not being good for his health in general. It has all kinds of things in it that can damage the lungs like cigaretts. My son never did go on to any stonger drug during his high school years, and of course never did it in the Navy. I never did eithor, and I don't now. Maybe just a good talk would be good in a loving way. I do wish you and your family peaceful times to come. Life is tough anyway. Take care, ginnie

Thank you for your input. I am not in an uproar for him trying the pot but his attitude, grades, listening, and the fact he basicall y told me he wont stop. Hes being reckless and was going pick up shrooms that is basically where I drew the lines. Hes been throwing his temper around. all I ask is for passing grades but he has stopped caring. I got him into therapy but I won't let him store his drugs in my house. He wants to be treated like an adult so I will. He is to get a job. If he fails school then he will pay rent. I will put into an acct until he graduates. Its tough but we all know its tough to be an adult. He needs accountability. Im not going to butt heads with him. He has some decisions to make. I hate this tough love but hes got to learn. I confronted him and the next day he was buying drugs.. Thank you all.

crystal,

Do you have a drug court system there?

Here in Idaho, they use drugs court to divert people away from criminal issues. The judge holds the person accountable to therapy, job, and any standards he feels appropriate. It is a good kick in the butt to get going. Check with the authorities / prosecutors office etc. It would require him getting caught but he needs that.

Getting the issue out of your hands will be great.

I was sentenced to drug court after my release from prison Boot Camp.

I feel that it was a very important part of my recovery. They force you to stay sober. You get drug tested 3 times a week, can't miss days or get a dirty drug test or you'll get arrested and sent to jail. It was rough but once I stopped fighting the system it was easier and very beneficial to my recovery.

I haven't touched a drug since I graduated from drug court.