I just dropped my daughter at daycare and she was really excited to go, but I didn't want to take her. I wanted to keep her with me, because being my myself is just so hard. It's all dreary outside, which doesn't help, but today, the full weight of our predicament has finally hit me. My husband is a teacher, so if he doesn't find a position for the fall, we are screwed. I wish I could apply for jobs too, just to feel like I'm doing something, but my previous work was as a proofreader or an archivist, which are both jobs that require heavy use of your eyes. There is no way I could do either job with my eyes as bad as they are. Even this morning, they hurt so much, I'm just sitting here in the dark.

The only job openings for my husband in this city are at schools where he would not feel safe and I would not feel comfortable having him there either. The school where he is teaching currently has already had three guns in the building this year, and a month ago, he was physically intimidated by three students, one of whom has been convicted of serious crimes. So really our only option is to move to wherever he can find a job. We were hoping to move closer to family or friends, but I'm worried that the jobs are so limited that he won't be able to find one somewhere we might want to move. Before, I was thinking the worst-case scenario would be that we would have to move somewhere we didn't want to move, but now I'm worried that the worst-case scenario is that he won't find a job at all. What would we do then?

This is all a lot of pressure on him. He was pretty down yesterday. I just feel totally helpless. The thought of having to pack up our house and sell it is just devastating to me. And what if it doesn't sell? What would we do then? I don't want to move. Just wish there was some other option.

Thanks for reading. I don't even know where to turn anymore.

Question: Do you feel refreshed in the morning?


For me....not at all refreshed in the morning, even after about 7 hours of sleep (rare!). Usually feel foggy, eye strain, drugged. And that is with no drugs. Feel worse when I take something like melatonin or elavil ( name? ).

Worried about that when I have to go back to work full time. I do drive my kids to school, but spouse usually gives them their breakfast and does the lunches. (not today though! He is away for three days so I will see how this goes!)

Hope it gets better for everyone!

I have been following your post and I think people have been giving you reall y good advice. But I would like to add that you need to try to stay positive about the job situation. When you mentioned school, I thought I would add a thought. I am a teacher of 25 years. Sometimes a new job can be fantastic. Working in a school is an amazing place. Kids are wonderful everywhere, at all ages. Just be hopeful that there will be a silver lining in this whole experience for you and your family.

I don't post a lot because my pcs makes it difficult for me to write.

Thinking of you
Be kind to yourself

Su seb

Dfayesmom,

It sounds as if your have more on your plate than one can imagine! I understand how you must feel hopeless. Lots of HUGE life challenges happening at the same time.

I think the only thing to do it to take it hour by hour, day by day, and don't give up hope that things will work out. What is so difficult about these situations is that we don't know how or when they will resolve. So being in the present and doing what we can in the prsent is a good strategy. Not easy, mind you!!!

Hang in there. Sending positive thoughts your way. Hoping that the future brings you good things, some which you may not have expected!

I'm at the doctors office right now, trying to get back on antidepressants. On the bright side, I realized today as I was vacuuming and mopping my whole house that I couldn't even have done this a month ago. I really have gotten so much better. On the downside, I have a headache for the first time in ages, but I'm trying not to over analyze it. I've been crying and it's raining (I'm very sensitive to barometric pressure!), so that makes escaping a headache impossible. I don't feel like I've overdone it, but I do feel like my emotional state is not helpful!

Okay, so I went off the cliff and now I'm trying to climb out of this canyon. With my serious bout with depression 10+ years ago before I ever hit my head, i had uncontrollable thoughts about hurting myself, and I'm NOT having that problem. (Yay for that, i suppose!) That said, i am having uncontrollable negative thoughts, kind of like someone is piping in music, only the songs are "All You've Managed to Do is Fail, Fail, Fail" and "No One Likes You, You Nutbag". I don't like this music, and i would like to change it but i can't. This feels very chemical and/or hormonal. My lethargy has worsened, and yesterday my husband thought I'd taken some oxycodone because I was slurring my words and was moving so slowly. I felt like someone had drugged me! I am largely over my worst PCS symptoms, and I believe this current swan dive to be the result of my brain being more vulnerable to stress, but really it doesn't matter. I just need to get back out of this hole.

So here is my current plan of action: 1. Restarted my antidepressant; 2. Trying to spend as much time with my husband and daughter as possible, to distract myself from negative thoughts. 3. Cut myself serious slack and remember I am going through an illness--depression is not a Personal failing. 4. Continue to see therapist; 5. Continue to reach out to friends for support. 6. Count my blessings everyday and remember the many people suffering in the world. 7. Try to do nice things for other people, removing myself from the center of my focus. 8. Force myself to get out of the house everyday, even if it's just for a walk; 9. Try to work on projects that give me a sense of accomplishment. 10. Listen to music that makes me happy.

The big trouble is I find it exceedingly difficult to do much of anything. I haven't done my physical therapy in three days. Getting up from a seated position requires a lengthy peptalk. I don't want to just wait for the antidepressants to kick in. My previous experience with this makes me feel like the sooner I start fighting this, the sooner i'll get feeling better. It's just so hard. On the upside, my husband is being very helpful and supportive, despite the fact that he has not been feeling super happy either, for good reason.

What can I do that I'm not already doing? Anything? The worst part of this is that all the crying is making me have headaches, and I'm just worried about setting myself back, but I cannot seem to turn off the spicket!

Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. By looking at your list it looks like you know what to do, but sometimes depression and anxiety can feel paralyzingly.

Are you eating well and taking the recommended supplements? Maybe it would help to join a support group in your area also so you could meet people face to face to help get you out of the house.

I always try to remind myself that, " this too shall pass, I have survived before, I'll survive again." "Everyone has their challenges, this just happens to be mine." " Is there a life lesson that I can learn from this?"

Hang in there, look at your list and follow it.
Su seb

Thanks for the reminder about food and supplements. I haven't been easting well--I've lost 5 lbs--but I started trying last night. I had a spinach salad along with my slice of pizza. It made me feel better. All I'd had to eat was pizza, ice cream, and cereal. Not very healthy!

I've been trying to remember my supplements, but i forget sometimes. I will take some now while I'm thinking of it!

The other thing that I realized today that I need to start dressing like I want to feel, actually. Right now I am wearing a holey tie-dye, faded with age, and a shapeless tattered pair of gray lounge pants. NO ONE could feel good in this ensemble. After I finish the dishes, I'm going to go up, get dressed, and maybe even put on some makeup. My only plans are to possibly go to the grocery store, as it's a rainy and gross out, but I don't think that's what matters at this point!

Lastly, I know my reaching out on the board might be bordering on pathetically obsessive at this point. Just trying to spread my tentacles of crazy out in many directions, so I don't overburden any one person with my negative energy. Thanks to all those who have responded. It helps.

Don't worry. Everyone needs support.
Getting dressed up is good. This injury is a huge blow to self esteem, in so many ways. Lots of negative self talk for sure!
One step at a time!

yes

Getting into nicer clothes is a good thing to do.

I do this too from time to time so I will remember that I had / have another life.

I will work again someday.

Do be good to yourself and post here.

Hugs to you

Poetrymom