[MomWriterStudent]

I feel silly even posting this, but I am embarrassed to wear sunglasses when I'm grocery shopping or running errands.

I always end up taking the glasses off after people stare at me a bunch of times. I know I shouldn't care, but I just feel silly wearing them.

I have developed an extreme sensitivity to light (I had issues before, but it is extra painful now).

This started after I began taking prescription eye drops. My eye doctor seems to think that this constant eye pressure/pain is caused by my sinuses, but I doubt it. I am in MORE pain now that I have been taking the eye meds for 2 weeks.

When I wear the glasses, it seems like I can focus better. I don't get as overwhelmed in the store. I also find it easier to watch TV and work on the computer with sunglasses on.

I am not sure what the point of my post is. I don't think I need advice. I think I just wanted to vent and see if anybody else could relate.

[EsthersDoll]

I think what embarrassed me more than anything about my appearance is just looking sloppy and/or fat.

I was trim before the accident, and wore beautiful clothing that I could buy because I was able to manage going to the sales.

Then because of the accident I gained a lot of weight and couldn't afford the same brand of clothing anymore unless I could manage going to the blow-outs which I totally couldn't do anymore! I was unable to drive self to the outlets and they didn't even sell clothing in the size that I became.

Wearing sunglasses inside didn't bother me a bit. People wear sunglasses all the time inside - migraines, hangovers, eye problems, all sorts of things can make a person wear sunglasses inside.

But we all have different triggers and sensitivities and insecurities and I think TBI has a way of getting to all of us in these very foundational and unsettling ways…

It was also very embarrassing for me to have slurred, stuttering or slow speech. Also the tbi made me sound like I had an accent. It would also change the tone of my voice so that the meaning of what I was saying was perceived differently than I had intended - that was all very embarrassing too.

But it's been 4 years for me since the accident and I feel more secure now than I ever have in my life! But I've improved a good deal...

I'm still unable to buy the brands of clothing that I love… and I'm still overweight. But it doesn't matter anymore to me. My outward appearance doesn't define who I am. (Even though I live in LA and work in a very superficial field… so others can judge and I just have to shrug… they can jump off a bridge is what I think most of the time about it nowadays.)

But in a very odd and unpleasant way, the tbi has helped me to love myself for just being me.

It's not a permanent feeling but it's a general feeling that I enjoy most of the time - I was recently exhausted which actually created a lot of insecure feelings and even paranoid thoughts which was really weird but interesting to learn that now that's what happens to me if I don't get enough rest. I thought it might be a hormonal thing, but it went away after one night of good sleep! (Someone was very confrontational with me and then posted an invalid 3 day eviction notice to my front door on Friday and it was so very stressful that it caused me to lose a lot of sleep. The place I rent was recently sold in a foreclosure auction and so we have a new landlord - I'm very unhappy about it and the new landlord's behavior thus far.)

Anywho - I can relate to what you are saying and I would bet that most of us posting here can too.

It was embarrassing to me that I couldn't work for so long! That I needed help getting dressed in the morning and taking a shower!

I feel your pain.

[Superstition]

I have a hard time with this also! I don't mind wearing them inside stores but when I'm at a dr's appt or talking face to face with people, I feel embarrassed and am afraid people will think it's rude. I know that's crazy.

I find it much easier to watch tv and look at a computer screen with sunglasses also---especially in the morning.

[Mark in Idaho]

MWS,

I doubt that people are staring at you and your sunglasses. PCS often causes obsessive thoughts and you may have developed a sensitivity to how other may perceive you. There is a saying, "If we only knew how little others think about us, we would not worry so much about what they are thinking about us"

If you notice someone starring at your sunglasses, you could say, I am photosensitive due to a concussion/brain injury. I doubt anyone would doubt you.

My best to you.

["Starr"]

MWS,
I wear my sunglasses all sorts of places and in the beginning I was self conscious about it. But after a while I just enjoyed the comfort they gave me and it seemed once I relaxed about it, so did everyone else. (Which clearly makes me think it was all in my head! )

I'm still embarrassed about needing to use my cane to walk around. I hate using it and I hate the fact it makes my life easier and safer, especially in public. (I rarely use it at home, partly because if I fall down at home, no one makes that big a deal of it... but fall down at a grocery store or somewhere like that, holy cow, instant center of attention... everyone freaks out!!)

I'm only 42 and before my injury I was super active and independent and now I walk around like an old lady?! Gah! But if I use my cane, I'm less tired, less likely to fall down and its less likely strangers and children will run into me and knock me down.

But I still find it humiliating.

But do what you have to do to get through this... you have to look after yourself... that's what's important right now.

Starr

[Living_Dazed]

Okay ladies...you all hit on good stuff

Sunglasses I wear everywhere. Yep I hate when I am talking to doctors but it's that or a headache/migraine. I'm on my second pair since the accident. The champion sunglasses at Target work best for me with full coverage. They are always with me. I look forward to the day I don't need them. I like Marks suggestion...I'm photosensitive since my brain injury.

Clothes. Ugh. I looked at my closet last week and realized I have dress clothes and work in the yard clothes. I'm lacking middle of the road clothes. I have next to none. Shopping now is a huge pain. I will online but it's a gamble being nearly 5'1".

In Jan my husband bought a transport chair. I hate using it. If we are going more than a short trip I need it or we all have to go home. With it they can still do and when my brain heads south so does my tush. The rest in the chair makes a huge difference!!!! A month ago I bought a walking stick. That helps a lot too. People stay out of my way which to me is safer. When I'm going off balance I have the stick to help. It is odd being 43 with it but I opted for a walking stick instead of a cane.

We all have a lot in common. I still worry about glasses, looking appropriate, and not walking. I didn't for around 16 months because I was in another world. I'm starting to put thought into how I look. I think it's an improvement.

Peace,

Jace

[Superstition]

I'm so glad I got on this site today because you all are making me feel so much better.

I'm also in my 40's and also use a cane. I don't use it in the house because I can use the walls and furniture to steady myself. I've only been to a store twice in the last seven months and I just used my husband's arm on the way in and then the cart. I was too embarrassed to bring the cane. All this time I was thinking I was some odd case that had poor balance and walked slow. I wonder sometimes if my neighbors and others think I'm a drunk because I'm wobbly.

[Hopeless]

Dear MomWriterStudent,

If wearing sunglasses helps you, then wear them and don't give a hoot about what others think. (just don't wear them in a bank - use the drive-up) Banks think you are in disguise and are going to rob them. My bank recently put a sign on the entrance door that you must remove sunglasses and ball caps before entering.

When I first began needing to use those motorized carts in the grocery store, I found it embarrassing. I would struggle to make it through the store on my own two feet until the pain was so bad that I had NO choice. It took a little time for me to adjust but now I just don't care what anyone thinks.

My attitude adjustment about the thoughts others MAY be having is no longer my concern. People will think what they think, not MY problem or concern any more. I just do what I need to do.

Why do we care so much what others (especially strangers) think anyway???

[cerebellarmaniac]

I find sunglasses have helped me a lot. I also have changed the brightness settings to low, and use an app called flux that adjusts the monitor settings depending on time of day.

[berkeleybrain]

Thanks for writing this. Your courage was amazing. It took me almost two years to admit it.

I go everywhere with my sunglasses and visor. I shop in them. I walk in them. I drive in them (I keep my window cracked open so I can hear). I also felt stealth and in disguise.

I gained 25 pounds in my first 18 months. I'm only now losing weight, mostly because of the topamax (I guess they use it to lose weight). The noritryptline and the isolating vertigo migraines were horrible.

I do try to go on short daily walks as it does lift my mood. Even 10 minutes will get me out of my head and my funk.

But yes--it is so easy to spiral into my pity festival. It does get easy. And remember, tomorrow is another day to try to be better.