DannyT

Thanks for reaching out. Hang in there. You are worth it. Do not blame yourself. Yes maybe you could have done some things differently but to blame yourself does not help you. Learn from what you know now and put all your energy into healing yourself so you can have a better life. "Darkest before the dawn" an expression I truly resonate with. We all have times we wish we could do over. You matter and you make all of us matter by sharing and receiving.

Danny,

I've had two surgeries in the past 3 months. Both were full sedation. One was propofol and Desflurane sedation and one was Versed and Desflurane.

I did fine with both. It took longer to get my wits back with the Versed but in time, I was fine.

You should be able to get a 'Release of medical records' form from Skull Base and the other so they can access your imaging records online. At the worst, you can get a DVD of the images and send it.

Hi Danny,

Please push through this. Part of the reason we feel this way is Because of the pcs, as my neuropsychologist told me. I've been struggling with feeling this badly also. But I know if I give in and give up, that this thing beats me.

It's tough I know, and I wish we could all be there in person as support as well. Hang in there. Your strength is an inspiration to us all. Big hugs


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Danny,

I am in the Sacramento area if you end up in the north.

Bud

I woke up today and cried my eyes out thinking about these damn songs we used to play. My musical ability is still in tact and I can remember the lyrics perfectly. "No one" by Alicia keys is all about staying by someone. Another one is "through it all". Both songs we loved and she especially loved through it all. "I'm gonna love you through it all"

I guess it was all a lie. Just like every other part of my life. It's crumbling to pieces and I'm losing the will to live surely as every moment passes. I can't wake up to the empty space beside me in the bed. The memories are killing me the stress presents all healing. I will certainly never get better in this environment.

I have love for each and every one of you who took the time to reach out here. I'll do my best to keep fighting but my heart is broken and my brain is severely compromised. What's the point? My brother is dead. My mother is dead. I have no family around to support me. She was my lifeline and I ruined her. Just like this condition ruined my life before this. Now I can say it truly has defeated me. Maybe. It's so very close to the end and the slope is slippery and steep. I hope I can endure this but I doubt it.

Dan please reach out for professional help....
They will help you, and your woman will know your trying also...
Hang in there be strong....There is nothing wrong for asking for help....

The night is often darkest before the dawn. Wait a while and it will get lighter. Also, don't wallow in self pity. Do something about your situation. There's only so much a forum can do to help, physically do something. Contact a crisis centre. There are people out there to help you.

I have contacted people. Called two crisis hotlines this morning. They don't understand PCS.

I understand the limitations of an online support group but I don't know where else to turn.

I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. He is well versed in tbi so maybe that will be some help.

I'm trying with all my strength to not have self pity but it's very difficult right now. This isn't who I am at all. I don't know myself anymore. All these actions I couldn't imagine in a million years before I really started feeling this way. It's not self pity but more of an admission that I can't go on like this. I won't make it much longer.

What things can you do to keep yourself occupied?

The appointment tomorrow should help. Just by making the appointment and reaching out to the hotlines tell you that there is still hope.

Hold out. Occupie you mind for now and take one day at a time...one hour at a time...or every five minutes at a time if you need.

Keep going...you can do this. Big hugs.


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