When a spouse has medical needs, concussions or otherwise, it shows the true character of the other spouse.

KOM, Can your settlement be structured so a partial lump sum is just enough to pay off medical bills and the rest is paid to you monthly ?

I would think that if he can claim part of your settlement, then you should be able to claim part of his continuing income and pension above child support levels.

Thank you for reaching out. I am so sorry for your "losses".

I realize what I am about to say is easy to say but so hard to do--- sometimes we must let go to have as some people have shared. I have had to do that many times in different ways. Always hard but as I go through it if I find support and persevere, I make it through. That's how I ended up with my current husband of 21 years.

May I suggest, in addition to here, find support from other groups. Maybe there is a local group where you live. If you feel there is any chance maybe you can go to couples therapy. There are some therapists who do it as a group and it costs a lot less. Maybe even a clergy. My husband and I started couples therapy to improve our communication a couple of months before this happened and I am so glad we did.

This concussion/pcs has taught my husband and I each different things. He has learned a new level of patience and I have learned to focus and not multi-task. Not that I could multi task with this anyway. We also found our communication has improved. We have had to both slow down and to take the time to listen to each other because of this PCS. It has slowed me way down. I am sharing to support you --to shine a light on what you deserve.

I also realize how much our lives have changed because of me. My spouse too has had to stand by me.

I also am fortunate my pcs seems to be progressing well, maybe 5%/week. I am a newbie and I realize i do not presume to know the toll after years of this as mine has only been about 9 weeks. Never thought I'd say that.

I have to say a large part of my progress is due to this group and all the great advice and my husband. Mark you are truly a wise elder and there are others who consistently share which makes such a difference to know one is not alone and someone fully gets it.

I realized again after reading another post this AM just how fortunate I am that my husband has been there for me in ways that if he wasn't, I would have had a totally different journey. He is semi-retired which also makes it easier and we depend on his income. So I get to rest when I need and go at the pace I need. I get if someone is in your life with this, they need to be a support; otherwise, they make everything worse. Understanding goes a long way.

My husband is a good man and there are good men/people out there who have an understanding heart. No it is not easy. There were nights he would wake because of my restlessness and hold my hand and stay awake with me because I was so scared. He is a keeper and he feels the same about me.

You deserve better. I get how much courage it takes and the willingness on both parts. If you have done the best you can whatever that is, and he is not willing to accept that, then you cannot change him. It would be unhealthy for you to have to fight this, on so many levels, if he is not willing to try to work with you and compromise.

We all have our faults and different issues in us that arise with different people. My Dad once said as long as the good outweighs the bad then you have a good thing. That is provided the bad is not abuse of any kind.

I am sending you prayers and all the best.

The timing of this thread is impeccable I must say. I've read that there is a 80% failure rate for relationships when one of the participants sufferes a TBI. I now believe I am part of the 80% with the recent developments in my relationship. Please refer to my previous threads for details. They're not pretty, but they're raw emotion.

For me, or my relationship, it failed because of a lack of communication. Now I don't put all the blame on her. Not at all, in fact I take most of the responsibility because I was unable to prioritize. Not that I'm in any condition to do so. I was unable to control my emotions. I said horrible things I never would have said in a million years prior to this horrible affliction. The truth is all I ever wanted was a partner. Someone who loved me and shows me this by getting involved and communicating. As the months wore on and she continued to support me financially but less and less emotionally, it really started to hurt. When my brother died, the wheels fell off of my anger control. I started to scream at her for not holding me, or telling me it would be ok. Or asking how I was doing. I could have been stronger. I could have been more of a support for her. I just didn't have it in me. I lost her because I couldn't see through the brain fog and see how much it truly meant having the person I loved for three years. She stuck by my side at age 21 and is still paying my rent and getting groceries for me. It's such a confusing situation. I always told her I would trade those things for communication and emotional support. I guess I will never get it and all the temper tantrums in the world weren't going to pry it out of her.

Mark chose wisely.

I was able to have lunch with he and his wife in Oct./15. I enjoyed Mark's company and was equally as impressed with his wife. The kindness, patience and sharing of her time allowing me to ask questions and compare PCS notes was remarkable, she has lived with PCS along time too.

I asked my wife to marry me 38 years ago and it wasn't until almost 2 years ago that my accident happened and I was able to really grasp what was the best decision of my life.

She has been the reason I have worked to get better and to find my way out of a dark and scary time of life, she earned and deserved every bit of strength I could muster to overcome PCS. Probably the biggest thing she has done for me besides rubbing my head every night for many months to calm me down and ease the headaches has been to believe I wasn't making all the strange symptoms up...even when I doubted myself and no doc had an answer other than anxiety.

Danny, I have had to really struggle with me not always feeling confident around her as in the past. Sometimes I have turned a silence or figured when she said something she actually meant something else into huge storms of insecurity in my mind and want to yell or accuse her of someone else...all very unfounded. It took every ounce of control I had at times to hold back the outbursts raging for release inside.

I think I am fortunate to have been married awhile and have relied a lot upon experience and actual history in our relationship to correct some of the goofy thinking that PCS causes. I feel for you younger kids with PCS who don't have the life experience us older folks have to help right the lies and suspicions that are a part of a PCS journey.

KOM, I wouldn't mind relaying some of my PCS experience to your husband. Maybe if he knows it isn't you, that PCS truly is a strange journey but we look and move so like the old us. No one who hasn't had a good dose of PCS can understand how hard it can be to get out of bed or to smile and enjoy what once was a blast but now is distant or how much physical and mental energy it takes to live a semi normal day. How hard we actually are trying to be ourselves isn't readily visible.

I sort of look at it like Humpty Dumpty did get put back together again but there are definitely some pieces in the wrong place, if only we knew where those pieces were and were they went.

Bud

No need to apologize, I understand exactly what you were trying to say. Sucks that we all have to deal with this.

That is a very good question! I know nothing about legal stuff and settlements, so this is all very new to me. I will be sure to look into that.

Thank you everyone for your advice and insight.

KOM,

I think we tend to take each other's up and downs personally...most of it tends to be pretty familiar.

Bud

I want to THANK YOU for having the coursge to put this thread out "here." It's taken me over a decade to start "dealing" with my issues of my problems. I've been in denial for so long. My crash was in 2001 and the initial bodily injuries (besides brain) surgeries happened and went thru that rehab, but now it's all starting up again. My body is failing me. Not only my brain, but the joints and Definitely sucks is right!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk