One time when I was undiagnosed, I was laughing and could not contain myself...then I switched and was crying....truly bipolar display.
bizi

Aw dear waves

So sorry to find you are feeling like this... It is funny because I just post something pretty similar... I feel "dead" too.... So, so sorry I cant give you any advice... I just wish I knew...

I definetey think is depression playing with us... crappy thing... silly monster... unfortunately, I dont know why ! I mean, where it comes from... and, to be honest, medicines dont work for me anymore... hum... it is something inside our hearts maybe ??

Sorry if my post sounded very random... I cant think clearly these days....

Send you my love, im thinking about you...

Gosh at times I think its a we are going through the blues thing.

I have finally picked back up and am doing pretty good.

Donna

I'm glad to hear that Donna!

Hi guys. thank you all so much for your feedback and support.

well i've nothing to report.

oh, i took my Zoloft without food today because i woke up too late and was not yet hungry. i'm still not, so there you go.

i am going to set my alarm tomorrow to take it at 6 am again, but on an empty stomach - just swallow the pill and go back to sleep. i was originally taking it at 6 am but i have been taking it between 12 and 1 ever since the labs. i have not been awake at 6 recently, because my sleep got scooted back some: i had been going to sleep around 8 am, after the zoloft. but now, i am going to sleep around 4-5 am and am also sleeping more - needing 8 hours of sleep... getting up at 12-1.

i need to scoot sleep back so i can get up no later than 9. work or interviews would require earlier than that, but it's doable if i'm used to getting up at 9, less doable right now. i think the earlier dosing might help me do that. i feel like such loser, honestly. deadbeat, pathetic piece of human refuse. sit on my butt all day and do nothing and then moan that i'm good for nothing because i am. i try to do things and it's like i hit a brick wall.

i was relieved yesterday that my mom asked me to chop parsely and garlic for her. i do cook from time to time, or help with prep. my dad made a joke about putting an ad out looking for a job as a parsley-chopper. sigh. thanks.

there, i found something to report.

~ waves ~

aha!!! i knew i had read that somewhere. sorry i didn't answer before... yes that is exactly what it is like. a friggin brick wall.

i hope you make it to go to lunch some days. i am telling myself i need to start running now the weather has cooled. i am still working on the whole mental figuring out what to put on at the moment ... sigh. (my old workout clothes won't fit, so i have to figure out something makeshift.)

love

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
You are not a loser and you know that some of that thinking is disordered and the other thinking is situational.

I don't why it is that parents can do that to us.

I'd like to remind them that as far as I know, bipolar cannot present without the right genetic component (I could be sort of remembering that wrong but I think I am right).

You are valued here, even if you are not sure of your value to yourself.

M.

I think you are wonderful even if you don't!
((((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

Thanks guys. you guys are great.

Mari... i have in the past questioned my dx, which is technically bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified, i.e., i don't fit cleanly into 1 or 2) and wondered if my moods could not be "psychological" my first pdoc said, no, and that the NOS was due to the rapid cycling (which only started when i was fed Paxil! grrr ). this pdoc has written me up as BP 1 and as BP NOS on different occasions. when asked about the psychological thing he says everything is possible. but he tends not to like labels and says does it matter.

i can't see clear bipolars on either side of the family even though there is some murky stuff with my dad's female ancestry. the thing is it is very hard because nobody here talks about mental health and mental issues are tightly kept secrets. in the older generations, nobody would even have been aware........

yes i realize depression changes ones thinking.... lol... i keep telling others here that, but i do have to remind myself too . it doesn't help that the situation is what it is - or that some of it came with bad choices. even intellectually, i do believe that at least some of is my fault, even if i do recognize that it probably isn't all my fault, regardless if it feels that way sometimes. that makes it hard because it really seems like a lot is my fault at times......... it isn't a clear line... sigh.

----

today took 100mg Zoloft, at 9.30 am. on an empty stomach. woke up and got up at 9.17, spontaneously, after about 5 1/2 hours of sleep (don't feel too tired).

~ waves ~

you are being hard on yourself again.
being bipolar is not your fault.
((((HUGS))))
bizi