Hi

I've tried both lamictal and wellbutrin and oh so many others. Right now I take lithium, elevil and seroquel every night. I also take klonapen (sp?) as needed.

My children are grown and all at home now for various reasons. My daughters are 26 and 20 and go to school and work. I'm probably closest to my oldest daughter. She pretty much let me have it a week or so ago. How she doesn't like to be around me when I get like this, which is understandable. If I didn't have to I wouldn't be around me either. And how she worries so much I won't be around when she gets married and starts her own family.

My son is a bit lost right now - he's 21 and seems to have the alcoholic bug too. (my husband and I have both been sober over 8 years). But, my son is a sweetheart. All my children seem to not understand this.

I do have friends. A wonderful sponsor and another AA friend who is also like me. But lately I have not let anyone in. I'm trying but I'm isolating. It just seems easier than talking sometimes.

Wow, probably more information than you wanted - sorry.

Debbie

Dear Debbie

please don't be sorry! no need! you can share as much or as little as you feel like at any given time.

i personally am glad you came here and were able to post. this way we can start to get to know you and your situation a little more.

other people can be a good safety net. but i know it is hard to be around others when one is depressed. and sometimes talking doesn't bring comfort. people tend to want to fix things, and they get frustrated when we say "but i can't," or "i don't know why." then, it hurts us more when they get frustrated and evokes more guilt... at least it does with me...



stick around Debbie, and post whatever you feel like posting, ok? i was glad to see a message from you tonight.

sending hugs


~ waves ~

thank you. I honestly think this site is saving my life right now. I so much want to give up. I fantasize about how. Posting here and reading what you all post here is like a pressure valve, releasing just enough steam to keep me trying.

Debbie

Hi,
Can you bring your children with you to see your therapist?
They need to understand how serious this is and that for most of us it is a life long condition --- not something we can just get over to make them more comfortable.

My husband is annoying me so maybe I am not a good person to be posting right now.
My point I guess is that if family members are in the mood to be helpful, letting them talk to a professional might make things easier. The professionals can explain to them that you are not doing this on purpose. You are doing everything you can.
I think all of us on this board are working very hard to be well and to get through our days and nights as best as possible. Family members need to know that at the very least, they can stop criticizing us for being sick.

M.

Dear Debbie,
Thank you for posting and sharing a bit with us.
I am so glad that you did.
Isolating yourself is depression haunting you.....May I suggest that you just get out and be with other people, you don't have to know them...just get out and be with others so you feel more normal. Is there a coffee shop that you could go and have a cup of coffee. Ours have free magazines there that I look at, just look at the pictures and makes me feel like I fit in, no one knows me, or my social anxiety issues, or my bipolarnis, I can say hi to the barista...drink my coffee and jsut be.
I think family therapy would be a great idea to get every one on board.
please keep posting. We are listening to you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

sending you good thoughts, Deb...

~ waves ~

I'm here too. Just wanted to let you know that posting can give you
another avenue to tell what you feel.

It is more here that we can listen to it all. We may not be as emotionally
involved that makes it better yet.

So keep posting to us.

donna

Once again, thank you all so much. I keep trying to do what a friend of mine says in times like this - right foot, left foot, breathe. I just don't know though. I seriously want to not be anymore. I mean, it's so bad I can picture the different ways as if a fantasy and feel such darn relief. I'm pretty honest with my doctors and therapist but not completely. I don't want to go to the hospital again. I was there something like three times last year. That was in about a four month time frame. No more of that. It doesn't help. It feels like nothing helps enough anymore.

It's strange though. I've said this before. It's like posting here is like my journaling but more. Does that make sense? I feel like I can breathe for the first time today.

I don't even know you all and you've ALL become my lifesaver. I hope I can move past this and do the same for all of you.

Debbie

my cousin used to say fall down 7 times get up 8.
I think it is about right.

I am sorry to hear about you fantasizing about ways to end your life...this is a very serious state. I believe you need to trust them your medical team...

I am so glad that you found us and please
keep posting

have you found the survivors of suicide forum here yet?
they are good people!
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Debbie,

Try being 100% honest with your health care team. They need all of the information in order to help you.

If you need to go to the hospital, go.

M.