thanks everyone...

Donna... you told me over and over again how you believe in me... when it was hard to believe in myself means so much.

Bobby... you are totally tuned in on my historically based fear of stress causing me to fall apart... and indeed itt is my biggest fear... that i won't be able to deal........ thanks for understanding. yes, let's hope this one is a "ticket" to being manageable!

Mari... you have helped me so much work through the details of my mental gymnastics through this entire process..... SO MUCH... thank you.

Bizi... you are a great cheerleader and companion. thank you your support and constancy.

Sharla... HI! i thought about you yesterday and *poof* here you are! ... like i summoned you telepathically or something lol! good to see you - been missing you. thanks for the encouragement! how are ya?

((( others who have posted to help me along )))

thank you all. it all helps!

no call from the consultant regarding going in for contract-signing tomorrow. i need to take a shower/wash hair (1 hour jobbie). so i might call him. think i should tell him i'm gonna be in the shower? hee hee.

i recovered the warm business jacket i couldn't find, and my mom has 2 other nice ones that fit me, for winter. i will need to buy a second pair of wool pants. one is doable for interviewing, but for working every day, need an extra one to wear while one is at the cleaners.... well at least i got that sorted out. it was keeping me awake at night - NOT KIDDING!



love you all thank you so much

~ waves ~

This is the greatest news I've heard in a long time!!! And I love good news!

You did this on your own & honestly- without the pressure of the lies that the witch pressuring you. An employer wants you for you!!!! I hope that this gives you a self esteem bump!

I think everyone gets nervous when starting a new job. It will be anxiety provoking in the beginning, but most companies start new employees out slowly.

It's good to stay busy. I think you will enjoy being productive!

Congratulations! So proud of you for sticking this long process out and coming out a winner!

Kay

Waves

I will always believe in the people how are doing things for themselves.

And I see that in you all the time. I also know that you are doing

wonderful things and don't always realize it.

Its kind of like what my sister has been going through right now.

She is interviewing today to Adopt a 13 year old I think he is. And I

know that the main person she can talk to about how she is feel is me.

Donna

So happy to read the happy out come, It does feel great to recognised for our training. Way to go,
di

to the best i know yes, this guy presented me honestly. if he did not, he did not involve me in any subterfuge, nor suggest i not show my resume nor anything of the sort.

as far as doing it on my own, well a lot of credit goes to this same consultant, with whom i'm actually contracting... he's been the one getting me interview after interview ... there's actually an inter-intermediary between him and the client i'll be working for... but this is how the industry is here, nothing strange about it.... "body-farming." anyway, this guy, the consultant i deal with, when i called after dumping witch woman to basically say i am throwing in the towel and looking for a teaching job, encouraged me to keep both doors open, and look in both fields, and whatever happened first. i told him i still needed a break, took 10 days off and called back saying, ok, you're right, let's do it. and this was the first thing he found me. but really, he could have just let me go when i said "no more" ... he gets credit for that.

not to mention the support you guys have given me. all of you have a part in this. you have all helped me keep on keeping on.

the consultant is writing my contract today, for a start date of wednesday and will be paying me regardless of when the client decides the start date is, because they haven't notified yet.

i got so anxious (i mean BAD - i was paralyzed) for some reason... going in to sign the contract. my folks say that is because it's the "commitment" step. i can't tell you the substances i am needing to ingest just to be able to do anything-other-than-curl-up-in-ball, though. i guess, it's a step. right now, whatever it takes to get over the bumps. one day at a time. i can't do it any other way.

heck, today, it's more like, half hour at a time.

i agree. i think what will give me the biggest self-esteem bump though, is earning my keep again. that's a biggie. my parents don't let it weigh on me AT ALL, it's not that - heck, they even give me pocket money - and i am grateful for them. But it weighs on me... i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE that i have to rely on them... they are at an age where i would want them to be able to rely on me.......

thank you. i really thought it would never end. i better get going. i will answer other posts later...

thank you again (((Donna))), and (((Di))) thank you for stopping in to lend your cheer and support, much appreciated.

gotta run. well, ok, crawl. it's my best approximation of running.... hey, as long as i move.........



~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
You have done very well!

You are still doing well.

Yes. Sometimes it is a half an hour at a time.

M.

you are really doing this.
way to go.
take it in baby steps....
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Woo-hooo!!!!

You're on your way! I don't know what you're having to take right now to get you through this (I just hope it's not damaging), but it seems to be helping. I need 4 psych meds to function, and I don't even work!

I can really relate to the desire to be self-sufficient. I had so much trouble dealing with having to beg for money after I couldn't work anymore (before I was awarded SSDI).

I'm so happy for you!
Kay

Thanks Mari, Bizi and Kay.

yes i am doing it.

got contract. start date is wednesday the 17th. i have lug my own laptop back n forth until they get me a workstation.... i HOPE they are planning to set me up a workstation.... as opposed to giving me a laptop to haul back and forth!!!

someone still has to call me to tell me what time to show up and who to call. they may need me there 8.45 to check some things that run overnight, before business hours.

the commute is reasonable, considering i live outside of the city. it should be under 2 hours once i start, i will know better. it depends on how long the bus takes to get me to the city and that varies with the time you take it (traffic) between 30 mins (late night no traffic) to close to an hour in the morning. the rest is subway with a line change... approx 40-45 mins, 5 min walk to office.

i am feeling very draggy. i have not been taking good care of myself.

also very scared. the anxiety is starting to hit big time and i am not doing appropriate things to manage it. i keep praying something will just snap in me or outside me that will cause me to just somehow... reverse polarity. (no pun intended.)

if i don't straighten myself out i will screw up at the job. i am scared of that.

i need a shower and to wash hair and to shop for pants and get a flu shot and another medical exam. my brain is working on "can i put off the pants purchase for a week"

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,

You can do this. Look at what you have accomplished.
We are still pulling for you.

M.