[Nikko]

Mike and I have plans to go with another couple on the bikes to Tombstone in 2 wks, to leave on a Saturday morning, and come back Sunday afternoon.

Well my dear mother has started her crap, drinking......since their was alcohol in the house from the holiday. I have been up since 2 am, her screaming, calling me every name in the book,saying all I care about is myself, etc. that she cannot take care of herself for me going away for 24 hours or the dogs.
Which is not true, if she wasn't drinking

Which the dogs have a doggy door to the yard and I could feed them before I left and leave plenty of water, but I would be nervous if she opened the front door and they got out.I could get a bird feeder for my cockatiels and water thing so she wouldn't have to worry about them. I would have everything in the house for her. I would have to take the car keys away, so she wouldn't try to drive to get scotch. I also could put the dogs in a kennel for overnight, or as they call it here, the pet hotel. Yet I would still worry about her, and she won't let anyone in the house to watch over her.

I am really upset. My lower back is in extreme pain from lifting her twice. She said I will pee on the floor or in the bed, I have her in diaper's and the commode by her bed.

I don't know what to do. I guess I have to call Adult Protective Services.
I had to call 911 on Friday, I had gone to my Domestic Violence counsler at noon, then at 1pm to the grocery store, so I was home by 2pm. She was DRUNK, wanting to die, all that stuff. She agreed she needed help, so I arranged St. Joe's where they have a ward for depression and such.

Well, then the ER Dr. call's me and say's everything she said to me, she wasn't saying, and they could not keep her. OMG Then she told me off when she got home saying don't ever do that to me again. It was her choice when she was intoxicated to get help for her alcohol abuse and depression.
She is on Cymbalta, I guess it doesn't work. Xanax too.

I guess I have to cancel my 1 day trip to Tombstone, AZ She is ruining my life, she needs my full attention and now she isn't getting it, yet she really likes Mike.

She was doing really well, until we mentioned going away for a night.

I am so depressed, down, in pain, I have no energy, need a pain pill badly.

She is sleeping now. I suppose I could try and talk to her again, but been there done that.

On Easter all she did all day was put me down, yet saying oh you know I am only joking, people noticed, it wasn't nice.

With all her meds and this drinking she is going to kill herself. Because of the heart med, breathing med, blood pressure med, seizure med, etc.

Sorry I really needed to vent, I am so tired, I give up. I think this time is it.
I can't take it anymore, I have no life. My friends say they don't know how I do it, well they are right, because I don't know how I can do this much longer.

Hugs, Nikko

[moose53]

((((((Nikko)))))),



Please, don't give up your trip

Let me ask you something. Every time you try to get some 'expert' to intervene, they keep sending her back and saying that she doesn't need help -- right?? She hasn't been declared incompetent -- right?? You haven't been declared her "legal caretaker" either -- right??

There's nothing legally that says that you have to stay with her. Nothing that says that she is not capable of being on her own for 24-48 hours -- right??

Nobody's gonna find you guilty of parental abuse or abandonment if you go away for 1-2 days.

Nikko, you know that she cannot drink -- AT ALL. That means no booze in the house -- unless it's locked up. If I had liquor in the house for a party, I would pour it all down the sink as soon as the party was over -- either that or lock it up in a small safe or a closet or something.

She's gonna keep playing with your head until she drives you nuts.

You take real good care of her -- better than what she'd get in a nursing home.

You have a right to a *LIFE*. You'd think that she would want that for you.

The only one that's preventing you two from having a nice life together is HER. I can visualize a life where you two: have nice, pleasant conversations, go out to lunch once in awhile, go to the hair dresser, or maybe to a movie. You know -- NICE being together. Apparently, she, for some reason doesn't have (or cannot get) that picture in her head.

I know I'm not in your life or in her head or in your head. All I can go by is what you write here. *I* want more for you. You *DESERVE* more and better. Just tell her that you LOVE HER, but, you're going away for two days.

She won't accept anyone coming in to check on her -- right?? I know she wouldn't want anyone but you staying with her.

This is so aggravating, Nikko. I don't want you to give up a chance at the life that you SHOULD BE HAVING -- because again someone who doesn't have their head screwed on straight wants to drag you down with them.

Your Mom can have a nice life with you as long as she allows you to spend some time with your PEERS. If she can't accept that -- TOTALLY ACCEPT THAT -- then you need to make the changes that you talked about before.

Put the animals in the pet hotel so she can't "accidentally" let them all out the front door. Kiss her. Tell her you love her. And go on your trip. Anything less than that FOR YOU is just gonna make you hate her. You don't want that.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

[Nikko]

Thanks, I am crying right now, took some pain meds, will try and nap, and maybe feel better later. My back is killing me. I need to rest before my mom wakes up again. Booze will be gone for sure.

I guess the laundry can wait, and cleaning the bird cage can wait till later too.

I think my female dog has some type of gastric problem, she keeps throwing up her dinner, but it is later at night, she isn't digesting I guess, it's probably from nerves from my mom screaming too. She is a very timid dog. She seems fine other than that. I give her Pepto Bismol as the Vet said and then she is fine. It always happens late at night. So, I know she isn't digesting her food. They both only get Pedigree Dry food and Milk Bone biscuits.

I will give her rice tonight. I think I will need to call the Vet too. She is only throwing up her food, my GS male dog is fine.

Oh, God give me strength to get through this day and then some.

I need to cry and rest, be back later.

Thanks so much for listening and your support. I love you and everyone here.

Nikko

[Pamster]

Oh Niko I am so sorry you're having such a difficult time right now, it's not fair your mother wants to deprive you of having a life. She's not herself when she drinks obviously. I don't know the whole story but I understand being in pain from having to pick up your mom. I used to take care of my step dad and it was not easy. I wish it was easier for you right now, but then it's just not going to be easy when you rmother is drinking. Definitely keep all alcohol out of the house. It's no good to drink with meds of any kind, you're right she's risking her life with doing that.

I hope you're able to go on your trip by the time it's time to get ready, maybe things will be better by then? I would do everything you can to wait it out until she's back to her normal self. How long has she been on the cymbalta? I haven't ever taken it so I don't know how it works or anything but if it's not working I would see about having them call in something better or different for her. Is she taking it for depression? Is she bipolar too? I am so sorry you are having such an awful time. I wish we could do more then offer cyber hugs...

[colombiangirl1]

Nikko,
I can understand your dilemma. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I have a now (as of yesterday) an ex-husband who is living with me. He requires alot of attention when he has been drinking. The whole wanting to die, etc. thing. It gets very tiresome. I think you and I deserve to be able to live our own lives. Let's do what we have to and get some time for ourselves. He is only living here temporarily untill he can afford to move out. Thank-God! Because I don't know how much more of this I can take. I think your situation is worse than mine though. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you and yours.

Peace, and Love,
-Cgirl-

[Nikko]

My mom is still sleeping it's now 5pm. Since she was up most of the night, including me, I can see why. I did give her - her morning meds.

I hid all the booze, and will get rid of them when I go out to the store. It will be hell to pay for doing that, but I will do it.

She was on Prozac for yrs for depression and a few months ago they switched it to Cymbalta. It is the drinking that makes her depressed to the point of drinking herself into a stupor. I have no clue if she is bipolar, never diagnosed as so. She is just a mean mean drunk.

I slept a lot today too, because of my lower back, I have L-5 missing and L-4 is trying to fuse to nothing that is there, not to mention my 2 level disc fusion in my neck with a plate and screws. My pain killer's helped for now anyway. The pain is from lifting her a few times during the night and again this morning.

My boyfriend is supposed to come over and we were going to have left overs from Easter, but now maybe we should just go out someplace, plus we can talk in private then too much more.

I have no idea what she will be like when she wakes up, although she doesn't pull this crap in front of people normally.

Going to take a hot shower and see how I feel then. I didn't get anything done today as I had planned. My life is once again in a uproar/mess. I am living a nightmare.

Thanks for all your kindness, info, and compassion.

Hugs to all, Nikko

[bizi]

Dear Nikko,
Just got caught up with this thread.
I agree with moose....
I wish that things were different for you...
when sober she is of sound mind and can take care of herself for a couple of days.
Please plan to take this trip, part of any trip is getting to plan it. So plan away and try to think of as many fun things to do on this much needed vacation.
Ya know there are places that admit patients for a few days at a time in retirement places...kind of like a respite for care givers. They would charge by the day, meals included. She would be well cared for and you wouldn't have to worry in the slightest and your pets could stay home.
I wonder if any of your assisted homes do this service...they do in our small town of 110K.

just a thought....

My heart aches for you....
bizi

[Dmom3005]

Nikko

You definately have to do your trip. You can do this.

Just go out tonight and do some planning. And try not to
talk about it at home for now.

And I would remember that its time to do some tough love.

She needs to figure out you have a life.

Donna

[befuddled2]

Nikko,

I like what Moose said to do also. It is very hard to deal with someone who is drunk. Take care of you 1st.

befuddled2

[Nikko]

Hi,
I met Mike after work, instead of him coming right here, figured since she was still sleeping, I didn't want him to walk into any confrontation when my mom woke up.
Last night she was fine, (although when I came home she had wet the bed, she took off her diaper. I must do more laundry than a laundramat!) Well w/o Scotch she is fine. I made her supper and changed the bed. Gave her - her meds. Mike was here, so that too, puts her on her best behavior. She doesn't like people to see her drunk. I do plan on going, I am just nervous about the entire situation, even though I will only be gone Saturday and returning on Sunday and only 2 hours away.

I will see when and what she say's when she brings it up. That's all I can do at the moment.

At least today I feel more pain free, I had to take 3 percocet during the course of the day yesterday due to the pain in my back and neck. I hate to complain, but lifting her just does me in. So, I was real tired the entire day and even when Mike and I met and came back here.

I still plan on calling Adult Protective Services, although last time I did that, they said I was the one that was being mentally,abused, manipulated, etc. and that they wanted to help me get out of the situation, yet I talked to my mom and thought things were going to really work out, and they did for awhile.

I try so hard, being a caregiver or whatever they call it, taking care of a loved one, is no easy job.

I also did something positive for myself. I am making arrangements to go back to school, a college here that has a 9 month program for a Vet Asst. I hope to in Sept. if I can get some financial aide. It's only M-F 8am to 1pm, which would work well for me. I am looking into other places here too, since there are loads of colleges here.

Today I am supposed to meet my girlfriend (this afternoon) so maybe get a few hours of pool time in, it relaxes me just laying there looking at the mountains. The weather is so nice. I enjoy my alone time, what I do get of it.

Oh, and I do take my mom places, when she will go. But, she needs to join Sr. Citizens and be active and make her own friends.

Thank you all for being soooooooooooooooo supportive. I almost didn't take my meds last night, because I was so upset about everything, it was almost like Okay I will get back at her. Yet, I did take them.

I'll get through this somehow, it helps so much just to write it out to you all.

It just seems with me, one thing after another. Her being in the hospital for a year, then the assault on me by my ex, and court court court with him, then her drinking binges, then the mace incident. I could sure use a night away.

My female dog is on Pepto for now, the Vet will come next Thursday, if this doesn't work, I have to get the store brand of Zantax. I pray it isn't anything serious. She seems fine, just throws up her dinner late at night or the next morning. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay, I ranted enough. Thanks for listening. My anxiety is at a all time high. My depression isn't too good either. It's a vicious circle with the BP. I am trying my hardest to keep my cool and it together.

Lots of hugs to all, Nikko