This sounds really, really, good to me, Bizi.

I really, really like that you use the verb "I want" highlighted above - this suggests to me that your true will is behind these statements. That last bit, not drinking and not feeling it is a sacrifice... i see that as a really excellent goal. It might take a while but it is what it's all about, otherwise only half of you is having fun while the other half is jonesin'.

When you say that abstinence is needed for now, I hear that you recognize that the problem is serious enough to be very aggressive with it - perhaps more aggressive than you might want... and then gradually step into your goals.

This is what I am "getting" from what you wrote.

~ waves ~

p.s. My amateurial suggestion would be that your period of abstinence last until you don't miss drinking any more, and then a little longer. If you find you do not reach this point, but continue to miss it, that could be a red flag... cross that bridge when you come to it.

thank you for your support!
I met my new therapist yesterday.
She is nice and bright and asked me what my goals were. I told her. She wants me to start journaling, I told her I have done that and that it makes me manic. But I will try over the weekend I see her again on monday evening.
She will be on vacation for a couple of weeks after that. She told me she was sober for 20 years so she could relate to me. I have never seen so many credentials after a persons name before. She has had a lot of training.
She listened to me ramble for over an hour, We are going to work on my relationship with jeff. I think I liked her starting with a new therapist is hard.
bizi

Yep, starting with a new therapist is hard... there's so much to say and so little time to say... and where do "I" start... what have I missed... what didn't I say right... so many thoughts !

But I'm thrilled to read you are seeing a new therapist!

Bizi, in my opinion, you've been journalling! Right here on this forum... every time you write your thoughts here! It may not be pen to paper... but its amazing stuff, not to be disregarded, that's for sure. I've often thought I should find and perhaps print out all my posts... exhausting work, for sure... and just that thought makes me realize it would be overwhelming work! But, looking back, I have seen some amazing changes in myself... just as I know you will find with yourself!

That gross experience in the shower - yikes... start wearing flip-flops or water shoes! just gross!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend! Addy

thanks addy,
I looked for a blank journal thru my stuff and found old ones where I slowly went manic while writing them. The hypomania was present to begin with the writing did not bring on the mania it just manifested itself that way. some crazy stuff.....Do you guys ever read old journals?
bizi

Hey Bizi. I don't write journals anymore because I get obsessed with them in the way that I write them. Then I get compulsions about dotted I's,and looped e's,and oh me,I didn't put that word on the line. Then the whole written journal becomes a compulsive problem if I read it. I don't think that some councilors know,or believe what I tell them about this subject. So I end up in a head trip.

I know what you are talking about when you say that you get hypomania when you write them.

I can write down notes if I write things down fast. If I start obsessing,that brings an end to the notes at that time. BF

OMG... BF You describe me in so many ways! I obsess about my journals, too... I completely understand the head trip!

I am good at "talking-the-talk"... but when it comes to walking it... I'm not so great. So, when I encourage people to journal, I think back to myself and where I was when I first started. It helped me, then, because I was leaving my husband (14 yrs ago) and had lost my identity. Reading back through the years (I go for months without writing anything), I see changes and obsessions and significant worry that someone (my grown sons) would read my journals and be sad...

After reading what everyone else has to say about it here, Bizi, I think you've had some great advice and insight into writing in a journal. It certainly has helped me! That's what's so darn cool about this forum!

Friends mean well when they remind us that "everyone has something"... what these folk don't recognize is that this type of talk is inappropriate and non-supportive. They are making it about themselves and not listening

I used to work in a TEA shop... and my most favourite teas were blends of fruit (usually found in the herbal section) - Loose leaf tea is the best - and what I loved about these teas besides their delicious fruit flavour - was that it was great as ice tea... You can make them as strong as you like - and they are usually a lovely red colour. Bonus - they are naturally sweet enough and have a ton of vitamins! Not really like tea, more like a great tasting juice.

Bizi... hope you're having a great weekend!

Thank you for validating this to me!

Dear Bizi,

I used to read them and found that I gained insight by looking at them years later.
I stopped writing mine around the time I met hubby. I do not think I have any more entries after that.

The new tdoc is a challenge, but only in the beginning. I hope that you get used to each other.

Is she going to ask to read them or have you them read them to her?

M

mari, she did not say.... so far i have not journaled I said I would try... rereading my old ones kinda scared me so many emotions and then some crazy talk....I will try today. I have to fill out her packet of info to turn in tomorrow when I meet with her again. addy you are so right about questoning what I said and how I said it and limited time frame..
today is a paperwork day, I have been drinking herbal teas in the evenings have not found one that I really like so far, bought the variety pack to test them out, they are all kind of bland, subtle, I like bold flavors. any one have any suggestions for a bold tea? I am not using any sweeteners.
thank you for your support.
bizi

Do you ever get to a farmers market, or a fresh market kind of store? Often there are folks who create their own teas. These have bold flavors.
About journal....I read an old one of mine and didn't like what i said at all. I was really depressed, won't read it or use it again. I don't want to go backwards, thinking about how I was. I may even toss it, and start a new one, with a better attitude. I do wish you all the best bizi. ginnie