[waves]

Majo,

Sounds to me like you are pulling a serious headtrip on yourself girl. I bet you don't screw up as badly as you think.

It's ok to make mistakes and people will forgive them. You can ask - sometimes you can even not ask and they will forgive anyway. One mistake or 100 does not make you a bad person. Your wariness of mistakes and desire for forgiveness demonstrate your sense of conscience. People who are truly bad lack conscience.

If you think you are a bad person, though, it is easy to think that is what others think too.

If you can't help feeling like you are bad, could you see that as a judgment? Consequently, what if I asked you to suspend judgment on yourself? Could you try that?

I am saying, if you cannot believe you are good, then how you draw the line at believing you are however you are. (Yes, even circular logic occasionally has its uses.)



waves

p.s. The rapid moodswings are a borderline trait... but often in borderlines they are triggered by thoughts and perceptions. If you adjust your perceptions, you can nip the moodswings in the bud, or at least reduce their intensity.

[BlueMajo]

My waves...

How I wish I could hug you right now...

Im tired you know, I take my meds, I take therapy from time to time, I read books about BPD, I swear to myself, to the Gods and to the people close to me that Im going to change, that Im going to contain myself and then, I fail again... I mess up people, their days, my life... And I have to start again, but Im not sure the people around me can/want to start over again with me...

I dont know what to do anymore... Im desperated.

[waves]

Hi sweetie.

I don't know if it helps to know this or not, but here goes:

I've messed up bunches and bunches too.
I've made other people miserable.
I've been a high-maintenance friend, girlfriend, daughter, student, employee and whathaveyou.
I've disappointed people over and over.
I could go on and on.

I still do those things. (except the employee and student because I am unemployed and not in school. )

Try not to ask too much of yourself.

I am sorry you feel desperate. I understand the feeling. Try to find a tiny, ever so tiny bit of hope in there. Here's one way you can suggest to yourself: the future isn't written. It's possible things could change even if they haven't yet. As long as you aren't dead, there is hope to be had.

So, all you have to do right now, is LIVE. Try to feel well. Be kind to yourself. Nurture yourself. The rest will come. Rome wasn't built in a day.

love

waves

[BlueMajo]

Thank you waves

I have annoyed many people... I regret this as you cant imagine... If only I wasnt that silly... If only I could had controlled myself...

I love you

[bizi]

(((((HUGS))))))
learning how to love yourself and take good care of yourself takes time and a real commitment to yourself.
yOu deserve to be loved and respected. If you have wronged someone and it is appropriate to apoligise then do that as sincerely as you sound here and as privately as you can.
the important thing to remember in all of this is that the goal is to become moderate. Coming to center...to yourself. learning how to calm yourself, soothe yourself. You are your number one priority right now.
I wish for you some calmness.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[BlueMajo]

Thank you Bizi You always give me peace

I need to calm down.... I grew up believing that to calm down I should repeat to myself "calm down, everything is going to be alright", but to be honest, the more I think to calm down, the more anxious I feel... awesome....

I wont sleep until I can talk to that person tonight and I will try to gain his forgiveness...

If you have some time, please pray for me... I really need it tonight.

Much love.

[BlueMajo]

Is anybody awake at this time ?

[Brokenfriend]

Hi Blue. I just sent you a pm. Steve

[BlueMajo]

Reading it sweetheart

[Mari]

Hi, Majo,

'Lots of hugs.

Maybe good sleep helps you. Sleep and then take a walk or do something nice for yourself on Wednesday and every day after.

I wish you felt better.

Mari