kay, I did not know that you are a candle maker.:)
have a good day and yes keep us posted. And good for you for feeling brave....
bizi

Good luck with the amantadine, Kay.:)

M

Thank you ladies :group hug:

I took the amantadine at 9 and by 11:30 I had to lay down for a nap and didn't get up until 3. It was very sedating. I'm so disappointed :(

There's a warning label on the bottle that says it may cause drowsiness, and I'm sure that the other meds I take didn't help.

Maybe if I keep taking it, I'll get used to it, but I can't see how this med can possibly go from putting me to sleep to helping my fatigue?
I'm struggling with the thought of taking it this morning… I know it's going to wipe me out and I don't know if it's worth it in the long run.

I didn't get to watch any candle-making videos yesterday, so they're on the agenda for today.

Guessing it was prescribed for morning. But can it be taken at night. Then
you sleep as normal.

Just curious. If then you would wake up with less fatigue that way.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

great suggestion donna.
bizi

Thanks for the suggestion Donna :hug: But it has to be taken during the day in order for it to help with fatigue (most people take it twice a day). And if taken at night, I guess it can cause sleep disturbances.

I figured only taking it once wasn't giving it a fair shot, so I sucked it up and took it yesterday…
It neither hurt nor helped. My other meds were the same (1mg Klonopin both days). I have no idea why it was so sedating on Tuesday, but had no effect on me yesterday… maybe I was just predetermined to have a really bad MS day on Tuesday and it had nothing to do with the med. I've had plenty of those days before.

It takes time before this medication starts to work. I know it doesn't have a high rate of efficacy, but I'm encouraged by the fact that I could at least tolerate it yesterday. Now I can give it a fair trial.

I have an appointment with the substance abuse counselor today. I'm not going to take the amantadine because I'm afraid it may wipe me out again. I'm going to write down some talking points prior to the appointment (this is common for me to do before therapy). Some of those things are points she just didn't get last time. I think it will help me prevent her from running away with the appointment again. I am nervous about seeing her again, but not as much as I expected. I guess time did some healing there.

I watched several videos on candle making yesterday and picked up some great tips. I think my candles are going to come out a lot better this time because of my research! :)
I ordered all my supplies yesterday. They ship so fast they'll be here Friday! I have to wait until Wednesday before I can do anything though because I'm waiting on a hot glue gun (to fix the wicks) I ordered on Amazon.

I'm going to have so much fun making candles! I'm so excited! :)

good luck with your appointment today kay. and happy foryou about your kit coming in so soon. You will have to take pictures please if you can if finished candles.
good luck today.
bizi

Glad to hear yesterday was better. Good luck with the therapist
today.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

I hope that the appt yesterday went better than last time.

Have a good day today.

M

Thank you ladies :)

I only ordered enough wax to make 2 batches of 3 large candles. I ordered blue dye, but I already have a bottle of ivory. My husband is all about sandalwood, so it's the only fragrance I ordered. I'll have enough jars, wicks, fragrance, and dye to make tons of candles. I'll just have to order more wax when I'm ready for it. I chose one that can hold a higher concentration of fragrance. The last candles I made may as well have been unscented, but everything I used then came as part of a kit.
I will post pictures, as long as they come out looking good :)

This session with my counselor went much better. She said she thought I was feisty and she liked the fact that I could stand up for myself. She said she'd never had a client tell her she had her own therapist, and she got a kick out of it. lol.

I told her how much the comment about me not going out alone or driving bothered me, and admitted it bothered me for days. As it turns out, most of the concern there came from the fact that I'm handicapped (not bipolar) and she's afraid I'll fall. I told her I've been handicapped since 2008, being independent has always been very important to me, but it's something that has been lacking lately. Apparently she had an MS patient who wasn't as handicapped as I am who was very dependent. So in contrast, she thinks that I take on too much. She thinks in general that I will have problems asking for help if I need it.

We did get onto the subject of my drinking. While I believe I'm an alcoholic, she thinks I fall short of that. She's not surprised at all that staying sober is much easier since I'm stable on the right meds. She recommended having someone who's kind of like a life coach my life, the opposite of an AA sponsor, because the person has to have no history of substance abuse. She wasn't as concerned that I live with an alcoholic as I thought she would be.

She told me that by looking at and talking to me that you would never know that anything from over the last year had happened and that I show no signs of decompensation… that's good to hear.

I never got a nap in yesterday because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up in time to put the chicken in the oven. I was all excited to try my new digital meat thermometer. Woo-hoo! It was reading that the chicken was over cooked, but the juices were still running pink. I threw my old thermometer away, and I can't rely on my oven for cooking times, so I intentionally over cooked the thing to avoid salmonella. Crappy chicken dinner. $15 down the drain. I'll be on Amazon hunting for a new one later today.

she sounds really nice and receptive and not rigid. is that right?
too bad about the chicken. exciting about the candles. i love sandlewood.
i was surprised that she wasn't wary of your husband being an alcoholic.
bobby

She is very nice, and easy to talk to. I'm glad she got a kick out of me. It's good that she's not rigid, because I'm willing to be rigid as well, and I don't think that would work out well.

She was not happy to hear that my husband is an alcoholic, but I told her about his concerns for my safety because of drinking and driving. I was really surprised that she didn't make a big deal out of it. She didn't even ask me too many questions. Maybe she will next time.

Kay

I think its more she knows you live with it. And while on the right meds
it isn't effecting you. She believes as many of us here do, if your meds
are off you will take care of it.

I think this talking to her is turning out to be a good thing.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

What a great report from you (minus the chicken)
happy that things are working out. What does hubby think?
bizi

Kay,

What a relief!


This session went well it seems. She was paying attention and seeing you
as an individual.
And the one year seemed significant to her.


I understand about the chicken. I used to have tons of thermeters: oven,
cookimg, freezer, fridge -- but hubby does not get the point of why they
exist and they have been disappearing over the years.

M

Bizi, I just told my husband that the session went a lot better. I didn't get into any detail with him. He'd be upset if I was upset, but he's not really interested in the particulars. I would never tell him any of her input about his drinking or our relationship- he wouldn't like the idea that I was talking about him at all.

I bought a new meat thermometer for about $13 and the average rating is 5/5 stars on Amazon (by 171 people).

While I was there, I decided to download my tax software. I read the full description, and based on that, bought what I thought was the right product. Long story short: I had major problems with it, and it turned out to be an out-of-date version for 2015 that couldn't be updated?! No refund from Amazon. Bastards.

I ended up downloading the right product from H&R Block's site. I was able to import last year's return, and our taxes are simple, so I had very little to do in the way to inputting information. Our taxes are done, but because of my cognitive problems, I need to go back and check them three times, on three separate days, to check for errors before I e-file them. This is going to be the first time in years we'll be getting a federal refund. Yay!

I got all my candle stuff yesterday (with the exception of the hot glue gun). I'm extremely pleased with the quality of the jars. I didn't expect them to be that nice. But I'm disappointed because my husband's so obsessed with the idea of sandalwood candles and when I had him smell the fragrance he said it smelled like shampoo. It smelled like sandalwood to me, but I'm concerned because the scent is pretty faint. I hope it smells better to him, and stronger to me, when we burn the candles.

yea on the taxes getting done sorry about your experience with the other tax service...sigh
Maybe the hot glue gun will come in today? or early nest week. I love pretty bottles, I have some blue glass ones that are resting on the window ledge...the cats knock them down occasionally when a stray cat comes on the outside and threatens them. sigh
bizi

I forgot to mention that as of yesterday I'm 7 months sober :)

I have an appointment with pdoc on Monday… $30 copay and $18 in cab fare each way. Ouch.
Then I have an appointment with my substance abuse counselor on Thursday… $95 and $14 cab fare each way. Ouch.
1 week=$189. Very painful.

The following week I have an appointment scheduled with my therapist, and another one with my substance abuse counselor. I could omit one or both to save myself some dough. Otherwise, it would be another $189 week.

I don't see any harm in skipping a week of counseling, aside from the fact that I want to get the sessions over with as soon as possible so I'll be eligible to get my license back faster. I'm sure my counselor will understand that I need to skip a week because of financial reasons.

I'd love to cancel the appointment with my therapist too. It would be nice to save myself the money and give myself a whole week off, but I haven't seen her in a long time and I really should go. If I just keep the appointment with her it would be a $66 week.

Next month, I also have to send drunk.org a $60 fee for "monitoring" me (via phone). I shouldn't have to send another one because I expect to finish my counseling next month, as long as everything goes as planned.

I just started thinking about how costly car insurance will be when I do get my license back. I honestly have no idea, but I'm sure the payments will be ridiculous and will rival what I'm paying now between counseling sessions and cab fare. There's also the BIG 20% down to consider. I'm not freaking out about it yet because it's still a long way off, but I guess it's a sign that I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel again.

I have heard that a DUI here costs about $8K. Perhaps this is the cost when you add up all of the expenses etc???
It is very expensive.
We can't afford a dui.
some one got arrested last week, I read it in the paper with an alcohol level of .06...I thought the level had to be .08 or greater. Apparently not!
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I thought the law was .08 in every state, but anyone under the age of 21 can be arrested for DUI if they have any alcohol in their system.

I think when people refer to the "cost of a DUI" they probably mean the total cost: fine, court fees, cost of court-ordered programs, maybe a lawyer, and the increase in insurance. Putting a number to it usually helps make it more of a deterrent.

We can't afford it either. You're expected to pay your fine at the time of your plea/conviction. I didn't know what my fine would be, but I knew the range, and knew we didn't have the money. My father wired me the amount of the highest fine possible the night before my court appearance.

Taking cabs and paying for copays to see my pdoc and other MDs so often got very costly and I later hit the Medicare donut hole and had to pay for scripts out-of-pocket using coupons. Thankfully, the appointments have slowed down and my insurance is covering my prescriptions again.

I payed $200 for the initial visit to drunk.org back in March, $450 for the weekend driving class, and more recently paid another $260 for the substance abuse evaluation appointments.

The counseling is just for 6-weeks, but adding an extra $100+ really hurts and I really can't get away with delaying any of the other appointments.

I guess that federal tax refund check will come in handy.

IF I got a DUI then I would lose my job and our life style.
It would be very hard financially. WE can't live on just what jeff makes.
If jeff got one I could drive him to work.
bizi

I am sorry that you are having to go thru all of this.
Congratulations on your sobriety!!!!!
bizi

Congrats on the milestone, Kay!
:Grin-Nod:


M

I got a little jumpy and jittery yesterday. I don't know if it was the amantadine, anxiety, or a combo. I'd only had 2 cups of coffee at that point, and I'm usually good for 6 a day. 1mg of klonopin calmed me down quite a bit. I'm a little more awake this morning, and I'm a little jittery again.

I saw my pdoc yesterday, and she told me to keep an eye on the jumpiness/jitteriness. She was taken aback by the counselor's continued concerns that I won't ask for help if I start to have psych symptoms again despite the letter she wrote. And she thought the comments about me not going out alone or driving were bizarre no matter what the intention. She said she and tdoc would be happy to provide me with anything I need to reassure/satisfy the counselor.


Bizi, You said "WE can't afford a DUI" twice. It seems like you're under the impression that my husband makes a lot of money…

He doesn't.

We tried living solely on what he makes when I had to stop working. I had to wait a year before I started receiving SSDI benefits. In the meantime, we lost our condo and almost went bankrupt. We moved into the **** hole apartment we still live in and had to learn how to change our lifestyle. ie/ We do not go out at all.

I receive SSDI now, but it's nowhere near the amount of money I'd be making if I was able to go back to work again. A lot of it goes towards medical expenses that were a huge burden before, but sometimes there's some money left over to help with some of the other bills.

I'm not thinking about canceling appointments because they're inconvenient, I've been thinking about canceling/rescheduling them because I don't see how I can afford them right now. The money from my last SSDI check will be long gone before I get the next one on March 16th and I don't want to have to dip into our little savings account (my husband likes to keep the checking account above a certain amount).

I wish I had that refund check now. I'm going to go over my taxes one more time today before I e-file them.

Kay

Sending some good thoughts. I totally understand why you are talking
about postponing some appointments. I wish I were there so I
could give you rides.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

oh kay, I am sorry if I sounded insensitive.
I did not mean anything about you. I am sorry if I made you feel that way.
I was just verbalizing another reason why I should not drink....
It is a hard ship on you...I know that!
((((HUGS))))
forgive me.
bizi

Kay what is it that you were trying to post?
bizi:confused:

I was worried the fragrance was going to be too faint, but when I added it to the hot wax it was overpowering. I think it will be plenty strong when we light the candles. I ended up having to reheat more wax to top them off because they're so tall they didn't dry flat/evenly at the top. It was a PITA. But I did have fun :)

Sorry about the attachments. This is the best I could do :confused:

they are great!
good for you
bobby

AH!!!
nice candles and I am glad you had fun.
Have a great day kay.
bizi

Thank you Donna, I know you would, but I also know you have enough on your plate already :hug:

It's okay Bizi, I'm sorry I misunderstood :hug: I guess it's a good thing that you're getting to hear about all the **** I'm going through. It's a reminder to continue to make responsible decisions when it comes to drinking and driving. From posts on your thread I know that you already try to plan ahead.
There's another deterrent you may not have considered: If you did get a DUI there's a possibility that you would be disciplined by the LA board of nursing… maybe would be put on probation and put into their substance abuse program. Different states have different rules though.
I'm really impressed by how much thought you have invested in your alcohol use as a whole lately: naltrexone, substance abuse counseling, and avoiding DUI. I think this kind of attention and thoughtfulness is a big step towards future change. I did hit rock bottom, but it was this kind of thinking that got me started on cutting back, and then quitting :hug:


I don't know if it was the amantadine working or what, but I got a lot done yesterday….
I spent several hours working on the candles between the initial pour and the extra time I had to spend preparing more wax to top them off. I went over my taxes a couple more times before I finally e-filed my federal return. I finished my state return, but have to send it in because my address is too long to e-file? I went through the process of printing out our copies and filing everything. We went grocery shopping when my husband got home, and I made dinner after everything was put away. This is a lot more than I can get done in a typical day, and I didn't get a nap. I was in pain from all the activity and very grouchy from being overtired. I went to bed at 10, and still woke up at 6:30am as usual.

Since I'm not used to that level of activity (especially lately), and even though I was exhausted I didn't notice much of a drop-off in cognitive function (which is a rare occurrence), I'm going to be paying very close attention to my behavior today. I remember I was having jumpiness/jitteriness on Monday and was questioning where it was coming from…
I'm going to have issues trying to determine what is the potential benefit of the drug vs. what should I be concerned about. The potential benefits to me are so similar to mild hypomania, but the drug could also trigger hypomania…

you are very good at paying attention, we will help if you like????
bizi

I would love the help! I have no problem with any of you giving me your input, or letting me know about something you pick up on that I've missed. I'm not a China Doll.

I don't think I'm hypo right now though...
I had a couple of good hours in the morning yesterday, but got extremely tired and lazy thereafter. I got absolutely nothing done outside of scooping out the cat boxes and making dinner. I spent half the day with my feet up, and needed my afternoon nap.

Hypomania usually doesn't take a day off. With MS I have good and bad days, but maybe the amantadine is starting to help, too :)

Hypomania is something well worth watching out for though. It really sucks that I have to be afraid of the same symptoms I'm hoping to get and that there's such a fine line there…

I have my 3rd appointment with the counselor today. I remembered that I have to bring her a letter from my husband that says I'm living a sober life. I wrote up something very simple and brief that he was satisfied enough with to sign. He's BS about the whole thing because he thinks she's treating me like a baby. I agree.
I've decided I'm not going to skip an appointment even though it's going to be a financial hardship… we have tax refunds coming to replace the money that will have to temporarily come out of the savings account. I'm going to have to pay for that session sooner or later, it may as well be sooner so I can get my license back quicker. If I keep up with weekly sessions, I can finish on the 17th. Soldiering on and having a specific end date to these sessions not so far away makes the denouement seem more within reach. But then there are more steps ahead of me to worry about before I finally get there.

I'm glad you guys liked the candles. We burned one last night. My husband was happy.. it does smell like sandalwood! It will be even stronger when we burn it some more because the fragrance I used in the wax to top off the candles wasn't as concentrated as the wax I used to pour most of it.

Katm

It is good that you are not going to skip an appt.
Being steady with the appts shows those people that you are consistent and serious about the program.

Does your husband find the sandalwood "calming"?
http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/02...ty-and-stress/


M

My counselor is very nice. One of the focuses of our counseling sessions is asking for help. I can understand that objective, but I think she is overstepping her bounds when it comes to MS...

She somehow assumes that I can do more than I can, but thinks I should do less than I actually can. She has ideas about what I should and shouldn't be doing, but they're beyond the scope of her practice.

I'm very uncomfortable discussing this subject with her. Anytime I try to assert that it's important for me to remain independent and do the things I can do, she sees it as me having the inability to ask for help, even though I have explained that I have changed in my ability to ask for help over the years, and how.

I got very frustrated yesterday, and I have a feeling I didn't hide it well. I understand that it's important to ask for help when you need it, but that doesn't mean that you should be rendered helpless because you are limited in some ways because you are handicapped. There are plenty of things I can do, and I plan on doing them as long as I can.

Because she's making such a big issue out of the fact that I'm handicapped, I worry that she's going to write that she's concerned about my ability to drive and I'm going to end up having to fight for that privilege in the state of NH, and then in my home state of MA. However, she hasn't mentioned that concern to me.

She continues to press upon me her concerns about asking for help if I have symptoms of hypomania. I can understand that concern. I told her that I had spoken to pdoc who said she would be happy to call or write her a letter to help reassure her… the counselor actually laughed out loud. I really didn't appreciate that.

So far, the sessions have been repetitious to drill in these points: Ask for help when I need it (especially in regards to my mental health), have some sort of a support system in place, and have a plan to avoid drinking and driving again.

I guess we'll be starting to work on a "treaty" with the state during my next appointment that covers those topics and many others. It should prove to be very interesting.

Three sessions down, three more to go. I'm half-way there.

I haven't noticed a difference. We don't light the candles until the evening, and he's most prone to his temper tantrums right after he gets home from work in the late afternoon. Maybe I'll light the candle shortly before I expect him home…

That sounds like a good plan!
kay have you ever heard of rescue remedy?
I have heard one way to use it is put some in a spray bottle with water and spray a room. It is meant to help disperse anxiety...the tonic can be taken in a tea to help calm your nerves etc.
I believe you get it in the homeopathic section of a health food store.
might help to spray the room right before he gets home???
bizi

I might try the room spray Bizi, but I'd have to order it online. I know he'd never drink the tea or anything else to help with his anxiety, or help him calm down… that would be admitting there's a problem.

http://www.amazon.com/Rescue-Remedy-...e+remedy+20+ml

they actually make a spray now!:)
bizi

For some reason I think that the spray is to be put under the tongue, although
I can see why it might be worth a try to spray the air.

M

oh you are right mari!
I have heard of taking the drops(not sure how many though) and adding them to a sprayer full of water then spraying a room. I jumped when I saw the spray. You are right though!
thanks! sorry kay.
bizi