Kay,

I hope that you have recovered from any stress from the hospital visit and the seroquel questions.

So you possess an amazing amount of patience and steadiness.

I hope that worked out for you.

Your "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" GYN sounds like a jewel.

With the weather improving you might find it easier to get out of the
apt.

M

Dear Kay,

I hear you about the one group of nice people vs the other group of
people with whom you can share.

Here is a link for dual dx meetings:
http://www.draonline.org/meetings.html

M

I called my counselor, described what the note proving I went to the AA meeting looked like, asked if it would be sufficient, and she said it would be fine (thank God). I told her about the DRA meetings and she was very pleased. I guess she has to go to some meetings to keep her substance abuse license current, and said if I liked it she'd be interested in going with me.

Unfortunately, when I emailed the contact from the DRA meeting list, she said she had moved out of state. She told me to call the clubhouse where the meetings are/were held. There was a second contact email address on the DRA meeting list I can try in case the meetings have moved to a new location. I doubt that the meetings would just evaporate if there was enough demand in my area for them to be held four days a week.

I clipped all the cats' nails yesterday. I hate doing it, but Buddy's been reminding me it's time by hoisting himself up onto my lap by anchoring his nails into my thigh. He also likes to knead me and I have little scratch marks all over my thighs. Buddy and Dottie were surprisingly more badly behaved than usual. Usually you can do anything to Dottie and she doesn't care, but she actually growled at me! It's usually a knock down drag out fight with Rocky (I skipped him last time because it's such a struggle), but I picked him up off the bed where he was sleeping and was almost done by the time he realized what I was doing. They hate it, but I can tell they feel better afterwards. No back claws though… I've just given up on those.

That was my big day yesterday… kitty manicures. The ER alone was enough excitement for one week, but I jammed in a couple of appointments and an AA meeting which is a hell of a lot for me too. Aside from 2 loads of laundry on Monday, I didn't get anything done around here this week. I should feel guilty, but I don't. I needed a day off. I slept past seven, which is rare, and I woke up feeling better this morning.
My husband is going over to his mother's today to help her move some furniture, so I'll probably run the vacuum while he's gone. We need to go food shopping, but I hope we can put that off until tomorrow.. I don't know when he'll be home, but it will definitely be late in the afternoon, and the grocery store is a nightmare unless you get there early.

We got our federal refund check! My husband's going to deposit that before he goes to his mother's. That should help replace some of the money we borrowed from savings to pay for the counseling sessions… wish it was more. We're expecting a small state return, but they're always slow.

Thank you for your update this morning.
Hubby trims the cats nails, hattie puts up a fight, hazel is docile.
Glad that you slept well.
bizi

Bizi, Does Jeff clip the kitties' back claws?

I called the club that holds the meetings and it turns out that the meetings are only being held on Mondays now, if there is enough interest…

However the place, called the Renaissance Club, is for people with mental illness to become "more socially and vocationally active." The woman I spoke to on the phone encouraged me to call the director to set up a tour. I guess they even have a van that can transport you.

I don't know if I'm too functional right now to fit into this environment, but I'll probably give it a shot and take the tour at some point.

Oh kay this is exciting...they provide transportation!
bizi

It would be nice to find a place to fit in… especially to be around people who understand what it's like to live with the challenges of mental illness. Unfortunately, it's a big part of my life. At the very least, I may be able to catch a couple of DRA meetings, "if there is interest."

Besides the meeting I attended Thursday, there are a couple of other AA meetings held during the day I can try out. I don't need everyone in my audience to be bipolar, I just need to feel comfortable sharing my story. I guess that comfort level comes from what others are willing to share. If I don't feel like I can reach out at some point, there's no point in me going. I may try going to a "closed" meeting where only AA members can attend… no friends, family, etc. People usually are a lot more candid because they expect more anonymity and confidentiality.
Going to meetings would give me an opportunity to get out of the house and socialize to some degree. It wouldn't hurt me in maintaining my sobriety either.

Since I last weighed myself about 2 weeks ago, I lost 6-7lbs. I noticed the difference this morning. I think a lot of that is a result of not feeling well because of the seroquel OD this week. My appetite hasn't been the same since it happened, but I'm still eating. I'm not sad about the weight loss :) But I still need to get in shape.

I was looking forward to only having to deal with one appointment this coming week… the final appointment with my counselor, but because I went to the ER I have to see my PCP. I know he's going to give me **** about the medication error. He already thinks I'm on way too much seroquel so he's gonna freak out.
He's clearly uncomfortable with the severity of my mental health problems. The scar on my neck makes him very uneasy. You should see the look on his face when he examines it… He added a dx of "major depressive disorder-recurrent" after our last visit, even though he knows I'm bipolar, when I went to see him to exclude medical causes of the MS fatigue and he didn't find anything. My pdoc has encouraged me to address the issue with him. He should be asking me if he has concerns about my mental health, but I've also signed a consent so he can speak to her as well.
He is a good PCP and has always been a good advocate. My last visit was very surprising. I think talking things through with him is really worth it.

Thank you for sharing kay.
It seems You have a good team on your side.
Happy for you.
Glad you are open to the new place. I think It would be very good for you to get out and be with people who get "it".
I have not been to the connections NAMI support group in a month. I need to start going again.
bizi
Hubby doesn't trim their back claws....

My husband put off the food shopping again, but he did take me to the pharmacy to pick up some scripts so I could fill my pill minder for the whole week. We're almost out of people food, and I used the last of the cat food this morning. We have to go food shopping today no matter how his work day went.

I wish I could drive… I wouldn't have to wait until he was in the mood to go shopping. I used to go twice a week. I would bring in the perishables and a couple more light bags and leave the rest in the trunk for my husband to take care of when he came home.

The amantadine didn't do jack for me last week, but I think it's probably because the OD threw me off. I'm hoping for a better week overall.

I know that you're insurance says you have to follow up with your PCP after you go to the ER, but what happens if you don't?

I have no idea!!!!!
sorry
bizi
hope you get to the store tonight.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I got two loads of laundry out of the way, went food shopping (the store was a nightmare), and even got my butt on the exercise bike. I didn't take a nap, but turned in early and slept late this morning.

I also called the director of the R. Club yesterday. She said the reason that the DRA meetings are in disarray is because the staff member who runs them is on medical leave, so they are currently being run by members. As far as the club is concerned, she said there is no such thing as being "too functional" and encouraged me to go there for a tour. I'm heading over there today. The van picks people up in the morning and drops them off in the evening when the club closes. That's too long of a day for me, so I'm taking a cab.

I'm being extremely brave here… Generally social anxiety would get the better of me, and I'd go running for the hills, but I think like most people it's easier for me to approach other people on common ground. I know it's going to feel awkward though… I just don't know to what degree. I hope for a positive experience.

I bet it will go much better than you expect!
bobby

perhaps if it goes well you can time the outing so that they pick you up but you take a taxi home when You feel it is time to leave. I hope it goes well for you!:)
bizi

I am getting to this late.

I hope the activity went well, Kay.

M

It went well yesterday. The people at the club were very nice and approachable. I wasn't immediately wowed by the experience, but I was fairly comfortable, I could tell that it was a place where people cared about each other, and I got the impression it would grow on me.

Members work in the kitchen, maintenance, or business departments. Everyone's expected to chip in to some extent, but they understand some people have limitations. They recommend new members have a four day orientation period (I already had the day 1 tour) to see which unit they're interested in working in. I will have to break this up because I wouldn't be able to commit to going 4 days in a row… way too much for me. I was encouraged to make my next visit in time for the morning meeting at 9am to see how a normal day starts.

Most days they open at 8 and close at 4. They are open until 7 two days a week. Some people spend the whole day there. I would probably only be able to manage a couple of hours once or twice a week. Right now I'm probably only going to go once a week because of the cab fare. The pick up time is too early and drop off time too late for me to take the van, and when I start reaching my limit I just have to leave. It will be easier to participate when I can come and go at will. It's very close to home.

People are working, but there is a lot of socializing going on at the same time. I had coffee and a cigarette with a couple of members…. that's right up my alley. They also serve meals at the club. I know a regular sized lunch is $1.75 and a large is $2. I saw the salads… they look really good!

Pdoc has to fill out a referral for me. I'm going to mail it to her and have her fax it to the club's office. It will get to the club faster that way since I don't see her until the 28th. I guess I can keep going to the club in the meantime.

It was a positive experience.


I have my final appointment with my substance abuse counselor tomorrow :)
I think she's going to be very happy I went to check out the club yesterday.
She has put a lot of emphasis on the importance of a "sober support system." I think she'll be particularly happy that I have found a place to support people with mental health problems.

And I spoke to my case manager at drunk.org yesterday and she said she will "complete my file" once my counselor sends in the final paperwork and I send in a $60 money order for "monitoring fees" (2 phone calls). I'll send them the money order tomorrow on my way back from my appointment.

I'm going to call my GYN's office once it opens to follow up on the results of my PAP smear. She said they always call with bad news, but that hasn't proved true in the past…. Every bit of ****** news has been a result of a report I received in the mail or a follow up to a phone call I made myself. I've been trying to ignore the issue but it keeps popping up to aggravate my anxiety.

hugs
love
bobby

oh I am so glad that you had a good experience there! and yes she will like that you went. Good luck today. Time seems to be going by quickly you are almost finished with her visits. yes! one more step closer to getting your license back!
happy for you today.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

So glad things are going well Kay.

I like that you went to look at the Club.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

One last visit with the substance abuse counselor today!!!:trampoline: A big accomplishment!!!:)

Great to hear that the visit with the club went well.
I am so happy to hear that you felt it was a positive experience.

You already sound comfortable and it is looking like the people and the atmosphere really could be a place a support for you. How wonderful!

And I like hearing that the place overs opportunity for nice lunches.

Mari

I got some great news yesterday… My PAP smear came back normal!!! :):):)
The previous test results were false positives because of inflammation. I have to have a follow up in 6 months, but that's no big deal. One less huge thing to deal with. :)

I made my husband take me to a plaza by our house to get the business with drunk.org's money order over with. I got a little exercise walking back and forth trying to find a working ATM, buying the money order, and walking back to mail it. That's over with now.

I'm excited to have my last appointment with my substance abuse counselor today! I can't believe how fast the time has gone by! I can't believe we survived the expense! I will miss her. She is a nice lady. I have a feeling we'll keep in touch.
I wonder how long it's going to take me to get my license back now? How many more snags there will be in the road?
I know I'm going to need a copy of my NH driving record that's no more than 30 days old for both trips to the MA DMV. I'm going to request them by mail. I just don't know when to request them. It's the little things…

I'm all excited to make my corned beef and cabbage! My husband loves it now too. I don't just make it on St. Patrick's Day, we have it a couple of times a year. It will go in the pot around 3:30. Since there's just two of us, I'm going to make coleslaw with the other half of the cabbage, and hash with the leftover corned beef and potatoes. I'll probably have an O'Doul's or maybe even two. I can't wait!

Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone!

That is very good news! Oh what a relief you must feel. Yes less thing to worry about.
hoping that you have a wonderful st. pattys day meal, sounds delicious!
We are going to a friends house for dinner toight.
she makes soda bread too in a black skillet.
I am not dieting (though I should be ) so will try it, I did not eat any last year.

have a great day kay.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

My final substance abuse appointment was more like a social call. It was very pleasant. She was very happy that I will be going to the club and thinks it will be good for me. Apparently she likes to attend some of the events they hold, and she still wants to attend a DRA meeting once they become more organized again, so I will keep her informed. She's going to finish my paperwork on Saturday and mail it to drunk.org the same day. I will also get copies in the mail.

I hope when I get the copies of my driving record I'm able to use them for both trips to the MA DMV (within a 30 day period), but I don't know how fast or slow the process will work once the NH DMV gets my completed file. I think it makes sense to request my driving record once the NH DMV gets that.

I took an early nap when I got home from my appointment. I'm glad I did because I had so much to do in the kitchen. After I put the corned beef in, I had to carve the rest of the chicken I roasted Wednesday (for wraps today) to make room in the fridge. Then while my corned beef was cooking, I made coleslaw. Peeling the onions, carrots, and potatoes are a bit of work, and so is trimming and cutting the corned beef. Then making the hash and doing the clean up afterwards is a lot of work too. Corned beef is one of Rocky and Buddy's favorite foods so they get a little obnoxious when I take it out to cut it. But it was all worth it… dinner was wonderful and we will have excellent leftovers already prepared that are completely different than the boiled dinner. I slept in a little this morning.

I have an appointment with my PCP today. I'm not looking forward to it. He's going to lecture me about the accidental OD. I know that the ER doc believes it was accidental and sent him a note, and I have taken steps to avoid that from happening in the future. I hope that helps.

Rocky's been hanging around the bathroom this morning, continuing his studies on how the toilet works again… he hasn't done that in months. They all go through phases of where they like to sleep and what they like to do… they just crack me up. They do some weird things sometimes. :)

Your dinner sounds delicious. My friend cooked a great meal too.
good luck at your appointment today....
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

My PCP didn't give me a hard time about the mistake I made with my meds. And I got a few things accomplished while I was there…

I still have that cough after a month and a half, so he told me to take delsym and allegra (I hope it's not too sedating) and he ordered a chest X-Ray just in case there's something infectious going on.

They did an EKG when I was in the ER and the doctor told me I have an abnormal heart rhythm. Apparently I've had it since I was in the hospital after my s/s attempt in late 2004 when my intentional OD put me in the cardiac unit (yes, that was part of the s/s attempt too). It's the same hospital, so the ER doc was able to compare the EKG from when I was discharged in 2004 to the one I just had done and I guess they're the same. I don't know why nobody thought it was important to tell me I did permanent damage back then… Anyway, my PCP is going to get a copy of the EKG and see if I need to go see a cardiologist.

I did talk to him about the "major depressive disorder" diagnosis he made after our last appointment and the conversation went smoothly. He was happy with my mood… I was having a good day… the amantadine was helping. He was pleased to hear that I'm open to talking about any concerns about my mental health and that he has my permission to talk to pdoc.

It was in the mid 50s and sunny yesterday and the outpatient services center isn't too far from my PCP's office, so I walked over there to get my chest X-Ray. It was a little ambitious, but I made it. I need the exercise.

wow that was quite a day!
bizi

Not really… just a doctor's appointment and a walk.

I have no doubt chest X-Ray will be fine.

I worked on medical/surgical floors in hospitals- never in telemetry. So I know very little about cardiology and when the ER doctor explained what was wrong with my EKG I was on a ton of seroquel, so I don't understand and don't remember what he was saying. I've been walking around like this since December 2014, so I know this isn't an emergency situation so I'm not going to freak out about it. I'll wait for my PCP to investigate. I am worried though.

I've been in a pretty good mood lately. Aside from the above, things have been going well, I've been a little more active, and I've been getting out more (even if it's been because I've been going to a lot of appointments). I'm looking forward to getting my license back soon and am trying to be optimistic that there won't be any major roadblocks in the way to that goal :)

yes kay, day by day, each block you scratch off leads you one day closer to your goal.
I hope you have a nice sunday.
bizi

I have one appointment a week until April 13th. Ugh. No rest for the wicked.

I see my neurologist today. I'll be reporting back about my experience with amantadine. I am seeing some better days, but it's not helping in the afternoon. I'm going to ask him if I can increase it to 100mg to see if I can get better results. It hasn't been stimulating at 50mg. I think he will let me increase it.

We were supposed to get a big Nor'Easter, but most of the storm has gone off shore. They were still talking about pretty big snowfall totals in Boston, so they started closing schools last night, but the highest snowfall total this morning in MA was 5" in some random town. We live about 20 minutes away from Boston and will probably get less than that by the time the snow stops falling around 11am.
The last time I had an appointment with the neurologist it was snowing heavily and I had to call around to find a cab company that was still running and would bring me home. I'm glad it's just the light stuff today.

how did it go today?
bizi

Hi, Kay,


'Wishing you a good day today.

M

I had no trouble getting taxis on Monday :)

My neurologist and I aren't sure if the amantadine is working or if my MS is just being kinder to me some days because the results have been inconsistent and I'm not getting any relief in the afternoon. He did agree to the increase, so I'll be taking 100mg twice a day. If the amantadine is a factor, I should start noticing a difference. We discussed other symptoms I choose not to treat mostly (but not solely) because I'm on too many meds…

Right now I'm taking 15 meds a day if you include OTCs… that's sick. 2 of those meds are temporary to clear up my cough, another 2 of those are vitamins, and I have to take 4 of them to deal with the digestive problems caused by the other 7. The night before I took the meds for my cough, I reminded my husband where my med list was in case anything happened because I was scared I was on so many ****ing drugs, but fortunately I haven't had any issues and the meds seem to be helping my cough.

My husband blew off food shopping again yesterday, but we went to buy cat food. We'll have to go today because we're running out of toilet paper and I only have one cup of coffee left… neither one of those things is acceptable lol.

I got a call from pdoc's office on Monday saying they faxed my referral form over to the club. I've been meaning to call over there to confirm that. I should do that today and try to correct the problem if they didn't receive the fax. I haven't decided if I will go this week or not. I mentioned it on Mari's thread already, but I tend to find a person I'm at least familiar with and anchor myself to them for safety. At the club, the director would be that person at this point, but she mentioned she would be on vacation this week. She would usually be the one to make arrangements for the orientation they do for new members as well. When I went to the club the first time, I had already spoken to her on the phone and we had an appointment. But going out of the blue without her there is out of my comfort zone. I have a fear of walking around aimlessly with nobody acknowledging me, or perhaps scrutinizing me. Maybe I'll feel different after I talk to someone on the phone regarding the referral form? We'll see if I get brave.

When I called the club on Wednesday to see if they got my referral, the woman I spoke to encouraged me to go over yesterday so I did.

Since I'm a new member I'll go through orientation of the 3 units: kitchen, business, and maintenance. Although I doubt I will be much help in the maintenance department.

I got there before the morning meeting at 9 and I worked in the kitchen with about 7 other people. Everyone was very nice. I had to push up my sleeves to wash my hands and work. I don't know if anyone saw my scars, but nobody said anything. It was very relaxed. I made a HUGE salad with fresh croutons, taking a couple of breaks in between. It's homestyle cooking, not cafeteria food. Later, I sat with another member and talked with him while we collected money for lunches and recorded the sales.

I said I'd probably like to work in the kitchen, but I was told I'll probably like the business unit, too. I get the feeling there's an option to bounce back and forth.

I was independent after the initial introductions in the kitchen and when given directions. I stayed for about 3 1/2 hours, then napped for around the same amount of time when I got home.

I had a nice day :)

Kay,

You did well. Being successful like that can help you feel better about other new situations.


M

What a great post to start my day!!!!!!
thank you kay for sharing!
bizi

Love reading these kind of updates.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

It was great to meet so many nice people, but I'm going to have a hard time remembering everyone's names! :)
I won't be as nervous going over to the club the next time because I'm more familiar with the people there and I know more of what to expect. The relaxed atmosphere is perfect for me because it takes me a long time to do things, I have a hard time doing more than one thing at a time, and I need breaks. But it's good to do something, and even better to be around other people.

I received copies of the final paperwork from my substance abuse counselor in the mail Thursday, so I called drunk.org yesterday to check on the progress of my case. My case manager was out, but a girl in the office said they hadn't received the paperwork from my counselor yet. She told me to call back on Wednesday to speak to my case manager and check on the progress then.

I live in MA, but I got my DUI in NH, and I've been worrying for a long time over a multitude of references on the internet to MA suspending your license for an extra year after the NH suspension period is over. I have no idea why I decided to do it yesterday, but I contacted a registry lawyer (represents people for speeding tickets, etc.). When he called me back I stated my case and asked if I should get ready for a fight and he said "No, they will give you you license back." I thanked him for his time, and that was that. No more worrying about that and it didn't even cost me a penny! I guess I should have made that call months ago.

I heard back from my PCP about my abnormal EKG's. He reviewed my hospitals records from when I was in the cardiac care unit after the intentional OD in 2014, too. I have a heart block, it's abnormal, but the type I have is benign. One less thing to worry about :):):)

that is great about the heart block!
bobby
why can't call it something different from the drunk. org?

yeah kay so much good news to report!!!!
bizi

I knew I'd be referencing them a million times so I needed to call them something, but I didn't want to use the real name for privacy reasons and that's what I came up with at the time. lol.

My husband hurt his back again and still refuses to see a doctor. He says he knows it's chronic back pain because that's what they told him the last time he saw a doctor 9 years ago in an emergency room in Las Vegas when it went out on the last day of our honeymoon. He's 38 and works in construction. He's worked in the office and hates it, so he plans to stay in the field for the rest of his career, but I don't see how he can do that if his back is bad at 38. He thinks he needs surgery. I don't know how he's going to get it if he never goes to see a doctor though… He's impossible.

The increase in amantadine doesn't appear to be helping so far. It took a while before I noticed a difference with the 50mg dose though. I'll still hold out hope.

I've been tired as usual, but things have been going pretty well and I have to say I really don't have any complaints (knock on wood).

The 20th went by and I forgot to mention that I was 8 months sober then :)