I know I have a serious problem Bizi :(
Unfortunately trying the rice didn't change anything. I got the same pain after I ate, followed by the usual heartburn. I'm regurgitating all day, not just after I eat. I know that I have to get this taken care of soon or I'm going to end up in the hospital.
The appointment with the GI doc isn't until May 12th, but I'm hoping the phone will ring.


My father owns about 75% of the family business and one aunt owns about 25%. The other aunt owns about 2%, having sold the rest of her shares to my father. Saturday my MIL texted my husband a link to an article from the local paper leading to the discovery that my father made a $750K land deal (the land is easily worth 5x that amount) with the town without my aunt's knowledge. The sad part is that this is not the first super sketchy thing he has done relating to the business. It's not even the worst thing. It's just the first time he's been caught red-handed. He and the business are/were in deep financial trouble. I'm sure his intention is to use most of the money for personal use since he's done such things in the past. He gave my aunt the "it was hard enough for me to do" excuse, and there's been no talk of her receiving any money.

Things like this make me wonder why I try to maintain a relationship with my father. Sadly, his behavior here doesn't surprise me at all. I don't know what number I'd come up with if I tried to calculate what percent a- hole he is, but I bet it would be pretty ****ing high. I got worked up about this initially, but I realize this really is between my father and aunt and I've pretty much let go of it. I'll weigh in, but it won't matter unless I **** him off. He has a sense of entitlement, the ends justify his means, and he won't give a **** what anyone thinks about what he did.

oh no
hugs
bobby

Could she take him to court?
seems so not right.
bizi

That stinks.
He seems to be way out of bounds.
Sorry, Kay.


M

My father had the right to make the deal without my aunt's consent because he has controlling interest in the company, but by law he had to inform her. She doesn't even understand the basic terms of the deal clearly outlined in the newspaper article. I told her she needs to get a copy of the agreement between my father and the town and take it to a lawyer who can at least explain how it effects her (tax liability, etc). I don't know whether she will or not, but she's a fool if she doesn't.

I called my father yesterday and he told me he had to make the deal or he would have lost the business. When I asked him if it was enough to pay off what HE owes, he got agitated. Maybe he was upset that I know something I wasn't supposed to know, or maybe I asked one too many questions, IDK and I don't really care.


I cancelled the appointment with my therapist this morning because I'm not feeling well. I hope I don't get charged the $75 cancellation fee.

A nurse from my PCP's office called yesterday to tell me that the X-Rays I had done showed no obstructions, but that was no surprise. Then she told me that I was really constipated lol. No ****- literally. No word from the gastro yet.

miralax has been working for me. your father sounds so very difficult. also nopolina with flax also worked well.
bobby

I swear by my magnesium oxide but it is not for everyone.
bizi

I am hoping for the best for you, Kay.

M

Thank you ladies :group hug:

I'm feeling a little better this morning :)

I've tried every combo of everything OTC you can imagine at this point. Right now I'm taking Sennakot, Fibercon, colace, and high doses of the prescription lactulose three times a day to no avail. The only thing that ever works now is the max dose of Dulcolax, but it doesn't always work, and I can't take it everyday.
I'm not having much luck with the stomach meds my PCP recommended either: Prilosec and Gaviscon.

I had to stop taking Allegra because it can't be taken around the same time as magnesium or aluminum antacids, which of course both of them are. So now I'm dealing with my allergies and my cough has come back. LOL. WTF!!! I'll have to find something else that won't interfere with any of my meds or make me drowsy and I'm going to have to do it today.

I'm still waiting on my driving record. I checked today and they haven't cashed my check yet, but they haven't had my paperwork for long. I received the letter I needed from them very quickly, so maybe I'll get lucky and get my driving record fast, too?

I got it in my head that I wasn't going to get a check until the 20th of next month so I've been very worried about paying 20% of the car insurance up front when I sign the policy, which will be very expensive because of the DUI. I realized this morning I get a check next week (on the 20th). I don't know how I got so confused…

thank God for little things. at least you are getting the check earlier. I can't believe how you are holding on. You must be so uncomfortable.
I hope things get easier physically and mentally and environmentally soon.
love
bobby

Guessing you thought the 20th of this month had already passed. That
is what I would have done.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

All of my meds make me drowsy.

(Still hoping for the perfect med to be invented at some point.)


I hope that the timing for the check and the new insurance policy works out for you.

M

I have dysphagia from the MS so I have to be very careful when I take my pills. This morning I choked on them and I aspirated one or more (3 of them are very small). Hopefully I can cough up the rest and this won't become an issue. I'll be taking my pills in pudding, applesauce, or ice-cream again.

Otherwise I've been feeling a little better the last few days :)

The plan was to go to the club if I felt better today, but I really haven't done anything meaningful around the house all week. I decided to take today to catch up on some housework. I've already done 2 loads of laundry which are waiting to be folded. The club will still be there next week.

kay I hope you have a nice weekend.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I don't think I will have any issues re: the pill going down the wrong way :)

I ended up having to call my PCP's office yesterday to ask if he could prescribe something different than, or in addition to, the prilosec and gaviscon for my upper GI issues. I didn't get a response. I should have just asked to come in... now I'm going to have to wait until Tuesday because Monday is the Boston Marathon and most people in Massachusetts, including those in my doctor's office, have it off.
I'll choose an OTC substitute for prilosec myself, but I'll do some research online first. I know some of those things carry warnings and have med interactions. I've excluded prevacid because of its indications. I've already tried zantac and pepcid.

I'm spending a small fortune in OTC meds :(

Yesterday I did two loads of laundry and vacuumed... that's about as exciting as I get at baseline. I usually don't do much as far as cleaning on the weekends because my husband's home, but he decided to go in today. His extra day at work gives me another day to make up for slacking off, but I'm not going to be overly ambitious ;)

It's beautiful this morning. It makes me wish I had swept up the patio and had my husband bring out the furniture yesterday. It's supposed to be sunny all day and close to 60 degrees. Tomorrow will also be sunny all day and close to 70! :) :):) It snowed 2 weeks ago!!

enlist a pharmacist to check for drug interactions
have a good day!
bizi

Yesterday I swept out the patio (its tiny, about 8"x4") so my husband can put the furniture out today. I got quite a bit done so I feel less guilty about being lazy last week.

The job my husband went to yesterday was supposed to be done over 2 Saturdays, but when when he and the guys got there they found out it was a one day job. He left the house before 6am and didn't get home until after 7pm. I wasn't happy about him picking up the extra work because of his back, but he did it for the money. It's really sore now but by Friday it's going to be a mess :(

I decided against a switch from prilosec right now. I don't want to spend $20+ now and find out in 2 days my PCP is going to call in a script or recommend something instead of nexiuum. I can make it until Tuesday.

sorry about your hubbys back.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

The NH DMV cashed my check, and it cleared on the 15th, so my driving record should be on its way! I'm expecting it sometime this week… I should be making my first visit to the MA DMV in less than 2 weeks! I'm so excited, but it feels surreal. I'm still a little worried that something else will go wrong.

The inside of our car is filthy! My husband complains about how dirty it is, but it's his mess. I'm going to throw out all the garbage and give the interior a proper cleaning this week. I'll have to wait until I get my license to try to vacuum it. I'm not going to drive around in a **** can and there's no reason why I can't start making my preparations now.

I was thinking about Mari's question… about if I have any special plans for when I'm driving on my own? I'm going to get my hair and nails done :)
Getting a manicure makes me feel pretty, and I haven't gotten my nails done since around the last time I drove in December 2004. Haircuts since then have also been few and far between (2).

It's beautiful out and will be sunny all day! Unfortunately my husband never got around to putting out the patio furniture. We're expecting rain tomorrow morning, but it will clear up by noon. I plan on going to the club if I feel alright.

did you mean to write 2014?;)
I am hoping you make it to the center tomorrow!:)
bizi

Whoops! Yes, I meant 2014.

I got my driving record in the mail yesterday!!! I was so happy when I saw the envelope!!! :):):)
They only sent me one copy, but that was easily resolved with a phone call. They're sending the second one right out.

I'm still happy, but someone is seriously raining on my parade…

My husband and I got in a fight last night. He made it clear that he's not happy at the prospect of me driving again. He said he doesn't know what I "think" I'll be doing when he's at work and doesn't like the idea of me going out without him, "not because of (me), but because of other people." It's all about control and I think that he wants to punish me for our prior separation. When I told him I served my time and can't continue to live like this, he said I deserve to. Apparently he thinks the court let me off easy: 9 months, but they would have suspended 6 months of it if I completed the program in 3. I haven't driven in about 15 months, and tomorrow I will be 9 months sober. In case you don't remember, he is a severe alcoholic.

He also said he's tired of taking me "everywhere" (I can understand his past frustration but it's only been trips to CVS in many, many months) and he isn't happy about having to take me to the DMV, which is an absurd argument since when I get my license back, he's off the hook because I can drive myself everywhere. I told him if it's such a ****ing issue we'll just have to cough up the $100+ so I can take a cab.
He became conciliatory and said he would speak to his boss today and ask for next Monday or Tuesday off, but if he doesn't do that today I'm going to hit the ****ing roof… I can get in a cab tomorrow and take care of this myself. It might **** him off, but it won't inconvenience him.

I have been through a lot so far trying to get my license back, and getting my driving record yesterday was a pretty big deal because it means I'm finally ready to start the DMV process, and he pretty much ruined that for me. Problems in our relationship resurfaced during that argument that need to be dealt with, that he can't/won't deal with, and I'm sure they are going to become an issue when I do start driving again… something to look forward to. Somehow I'm feeling less celebratory.

I'm not in the mood to go to the club today. Maybe I'll go tomorrow.
I wonder if he's concerned I might hook up with some guy there? If he visited, he would no longer be concerned, but I doubt he'd go. He would be very uncomfortable if he went anyway.

you could suggest that he come along, is it open on the weekend?
bizi

My husband said he couldn't get Monday or Tuesday off to take me to the DMV because his boss had booked him on a big job those days, but would try to see if he could get Wednesday off. I don't know why he didn't ask when he was in this boss's office. He won't call to ask for a day off for some reason and will wait until he's in the office again (whenever that is). I was ******. I brought up the cab again, so he got ******. The most impatient man in the world doesn't understand why I'm in such a rush to get my license back, and he's even suspicious of it.

That sparked a worse fight. He's a beer drinker, but drank over 1/2 bottle of vodka last night. He was out of control and got absolutely vicious. He threw everything at me and he has plenty of material, so do I, but it's just too dangerous to try to use. I made the mistakes of 1) trying to defend myself and 2) walking away instead of just sitting there and taking it like usual which made matters worse. Fortunately the fight didn't last too long because he didn't get home until around 4 and drank all the booze so fast he passed out just after 6:30, but plenty of damage was done.

I'm left in a familiar situation: I'm going to feel sick all day dreading him coming come because I don't know what to expect. I always wait for him to talk about it first which is an extremely uncomfortable wait. His behavior last night was not acceptable. There's nothing of significance I can offer at this point that won't spark another fight. If he's looking for an apology, he'll be disappointed because I did nothing wrong and I refuse give him one to appease him this time.

Somehow I doubt he's going to be taking a day off to take me to the DMV, but I have bigger problems than that at this point.

I was considering going to the club, but I think that would anger him. He clearly prefers his bird in its cage. I shouldn't go until I'm sure he's calmed down.

Before things got heated, I told him if he was concerned about the club, he should visit and he would no longer be concerned. He said he wasn't worried about it (a lie). It is open on weekends, but he won't go because he's not comfortable with mental illness. He doesn't like me to refer to myself as mentally ill and isn't comfortable talking about anything besides the basics like med changes or if I'm having an episode. He's aware that some of the members there suffer from moderate to severe disability due to mental illness and he wouldn't be comfortable around them because of that.

He talks constantly about his suffering and tells me to try to put myself in his shoes and I try, I really do. But I'm not allowed to bring up my bipolar disorder at all without him erupting because he feels the fallout has hurt and maligned him worse and it's not an excuse. He feels the same way about the MS, although he doesn't lose his temper over it because he knows that I can't help that, but he thinks I can control my bipolar disorder.

I hope there is peace soon. I have been stable for a while now, but I don't know how long I can endure this kind of agitation without it jeopardizing that. I am brittle.

Is he mentally ill besides being an alcoholic...I can't believe i just wrote that.
It sounds as if he needs help so badly that he is destroying the two of you.
you said he has a wonderful sense of humor and loves to play with the cats and loves his job but where does dr jekel come from. it sounds as if you are always walking on a tight walk wire. he sounds insanely jealous. has he always been like that. I know it freaks me out when people won't accept that i am bipolar and it brings issues that are out of my control no matter how hard i try to control them. it just makes them worse because they get stored up. why can't they understand? You said he has work buddies. He isn't totally dependent on you.
Can you love somebody too much?
Love
bobby
I can't believe i wrote this....but i am bipolar

oh kay,
thank you for sharing, I hope it helps to get it out...here. where it is safe.
We care about you and I want you to be safe and not abused.
This sounds like abuse to me.
feeling very sorry for you today.:(
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

You didn't write anything wrong at all Bobby. It was a reasonable response for anyone to make. Thank you. :hug::hug::hug:

I think he has something besides alcoholism going on. I don't know what. Hard to tell with all the alcohol. Definitely an anxiety disorder though and I think that's where some of the milder outbursts come from. He needs to see someone but won't. I got him to go once after I was dx with MS. He went to 1 tdoc appointment and to the pdoc twice and stopped. I mentioned him going again about a year ago… bad idea. He would ****ing flip out if I ever suggested it again.

He has work friends. He doesn't see them out of work, but calls and texts one of them a lot. He does not love his job. He mostly comes home railing about it, but he has some good days here and there.

Between his drinking, temper, and sometimes controlling behavior, he's starting to remind me of my father. My father is much, much worse, but it took him practice to get him to where he is. I don't like this feeling at all.

I forgot to mention I'm 9 months sober today.

Sending you some gentle hugs. Hoping he is in a better mood tonight.

9 months sober is fantastic. Keep up the good work.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Thank you ladies :group hug:

It does feel better to get it out Bizi :hug:

I just reread my last 2 posts and was surprised I didn't even mention my husband clogged the toilet yesterday and when I woke up to pee the toilet overflowed when I flushed it, so I had to sop up all the water and bleach the toilet and floor before 6am. I decided to bleach out the rest of the bathroom later so I could cross that off my list of things to do.

I kept myself busy in other ways, too. My big project was cleaning the car. It hadn't been cleaned in about 2 yrs so it was disgusting! I had a hard time because the dash is textured so it's not perfect, but the difference is amazing! That killed about 2hrs.

When my husband came home he started talking to me immediately in a friendly way. It was clear that he wanted to pretend the fight never happened. I let it go, having no desire to perpetuate any kind of argument. 10 minutes in, he said, "It's official, I have Wednesday off." I thanked him. Obviously he was sorry but was not going to own up to it.

I did ask him how he felt because of how much he drank. In a neutral way I worked in the amount of vodka he drank and how quickly he drank it, but I did say, "You did a lot of damage in less than 3 hours." He said he felt okay, but was shocked when he woke up and saw the bottle in the morning. I left it at that. Later I mentioned in conversation I was 9 months sober. He was unresponsive to that.

When he wen to bed, he said goodnight and gave me a kiss. He also did something a little different… he took hold of my wrist and gave it a little squeeze. I took it as a little I'm sorry/I love you/thank you for letting me off the hook kind of thing.

I'm sure that there are plenty of women who would disagree with my handling of the situation, and would argue that I should have pushed to resolve the issues instead of ignoring them, but I'm just glad that there is peace again. I'm a big fan of denial in general.

I'm considering going to the club today, but haven't gotten into the shower yet. I'm trying to decide if it's too late to get going or not.

I believe in keeping peace too, when jeff bought another guitar ($6,500)without consulting me, I was mad and confronted him. but then let it drop.
He admitted being wrong, I just wanted to hear him say it. And let it drop, guitar has been bought, what more is there to say?
bizi:(

Kay,
I am a big fan of peace :)

You sound better today and that is what is important.


M

If it wasn't for peace there would be no living in my house.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Wow, $6.5K… I would be looking for moonlight and roses :hug:
I really have no say in how my husband spends "(his) money" though.

I got dressed and got all my laundry together this morning and was halfway out the door before I realized I had no detergent. I'll be backed up in laundry next week, but we won't be in dire need of anything. I was just at the store yesterday. Had I realized we were out I could have picked some up. I was bummed.

Things seem to be back to normal already. My husband requested I make an appointment for haircuts on Saturday. Yay! He hasn't seen the car since I cleaned it, but my work on it has obviously motivated him… He's talking about vacuuming it and buying new floor mats while we're out.
He got a new credit card and mentioned he was going to buy himself some "new toys," but I don't know what he means by that. I don't know if he knows yet. It's not a bad idea to build up a little bit more good credit since he wants to buy a new car once this one is paid off in October. I like getting out, but I hope if it means a trip to the mall we're not going all over creation because my legs aren't up to that right now.

I went to the club yesterday and sold the lunch tickets again (obviously no one else wants to do it) and had lunch myself. They made red beans and rice and it was excellent. It was a big meal for $1.75. It was a beautiful day, and I spent quite a while outside smoking and talking to other members. It's the most interaction I've had with other people in a long, long time. I really enjoyed it. Because of how I am when I'm stable, they have a hard time imagining what I'm like when I'm not. Most of the people who were out there were bipolar and also have/had alcohol abuse problems and that's what we talked about.

It is good for me to talk about stuff like that, but I have to find a line. I found some, let's just say "not good" feelings, surfacing afterwards. Part of that may have been related to the arguments that I had in the days prior with my husband, but it's happened before when I've allowed myself to dwell on that subject matter too deeply for too long and the results have not been good. All this **** is tied in a knot. When the feelings started creeping in, I excused myself and went inside, and started talking to someone about my cats. So 9 months sober, it's wonderful, let's move on to something else. Since about November I've been pretty successful at redirecting myself…

The weekends always go by fast and Wednesday will be here before I know it. I called the MA DMV this morning to make damned sure I have all the paperwork I need for my visit. I do. I've been getting it in order since then.

Since there is peace again, and I'm not worried I'm missing anything for my hearing at the DMV, I'll allow myself to really get excited now :)

I am happy there is peace again.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Yesterday was beautiful. Despite previous plans, we only got haircuts. That was a letdown.

I sacrificed beauty for utility again and left my hair long so I can put it up. I can't stand the sight of it down because I can't pull off long hair, but cutting it to where it would look decent would mean I would be forced to blow-dry and straighten it everyday. I have the time, but no desire to do that. I'm lazy :p

I had two folders of paperwork related to my DUI and I went through everything on Friday. I had a lot of **** in there I could just throw away, but other things just needed to be organized. I'm down to a single folder. I put together sets of the paperwork I need for each trip to the DMV and made two copies for my records. I feel better now that things are more organized and consolidated. It makes me feel like things are coming to a conclusion.

I am glad that you feel better now.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

you must feel relieved.
bobby

Prilosec and nexiuum have failed to help with my upper GI issues. My PCP has prescribed protonix. I'm going to pick it up from the pharmacy tomorrow. I read up on it. It has a lot of side effects, but hopefully I get lucky and get off easy. I hope it helps.

My morning computer time is also bonding time with Buddy. He gets up and down, but spends long periods of time curled up in my lap. He's starting to dig his claws into my thigh as he jumps up which means it's time to clip the cats' nails again… UGH… It's such a project…

I have to get Buddy first because if he sees me cutting Rocky or Dottie's nails he'll run and hide, and he's fast and so small he can hide anywhere. But Rocky can't see me clipping the other cats' claws either. I have to wait until he's passed out to cut his nails so he doesn't realize what I'm doing until I'm almost done or he'll fight me so hard I'll be lucky to cut any. Dottie doesn't care. She'd let me pick her up and cut her nails five times in a row.

I guess I'll do my own finger and toenails today, too. We may as well all get manicures. I wish I could polish my nails, but I can't because I have a slight tremor. I can't wait until I can drive myself to the nail salon to have someone do that for me…

Speaking of driving…
I'm finally going to the DMV tomorrow!!! I'm so excited!!! Things have been stagnant for so long, it's feels surreal. I've already put the paperwork I need together and checked it 100X, but I know I'm going to OCD it again today, tonight, and probably tomorrow morning, too.

Hopefully that specific restriction on my license is lifted tomorrow and we'll be visiting the insurance agent after the DMV. I'm worried about the cost of the policy. I have no idea how much it will be, but I know it will be very expensive, and I have to pay 20% of it down, so my imagination is going wild.

I'm still a little worried that something, somewhere will go wrong, but mainly I'm really excited because I'm in the home stretch. The final step in the process can happen pretty quickly after this, and I may have my license back very soon :):):)

oh kay I am so glad for you!!!!!!
I hear your excitement(albiet a bit anxious too).
hugs for you today.
maybe the protonix will be the magic pill?
bizi

Sending good thoughts for tomorrow. I will be looking forward to
reading your adventures tomorrow night.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I went to the DMV yesterday… What a ****ing **** show!!! :eek:
When I realized how long it was going to take, I sent my husband (who planned on waiting in the car anyway) home and told him I'd call him to pick me up when I was done.

I waited over 3 1/2 hours (not including the 20 min wait for my husband to pick me up after) to hear that I should have gone to a hearings officer at the DMV earlier to tell them that the reason NH suspended my license was for a DUI… what a load of ****! There is nothing about that on the internet, and nobody told me about that any of the 100X I called the DMV. The hearings officer wasn't interested in my driving record, or any of the other paperwork I was told I needed… only the 30 day letter…

She said that I should have taken the 30 day letter to my insurance agent immediately to get the process of getting a policy started because it takes weeks, but I had waited because my husband gave notice he wanted to take the day off. I thought I couldn't start the insurance part until I went to the DMV (because that is what the NH DMV told me), and thought I still had plenty of time to get what I need to do done.

The hearings officer said that I should request a new 30 day letter (with a new start date) to give me time to get a "MA sr-22 binder[/U]" and take those two documents back to the DMV, pay $500, and get my license back in my home state of MA without having to wait to be cleared in NH which requires "sr-22 insurance." I just wouldn't be able to drive in NH until they clear me. But it's not that easy…

I went to my insurance agent. There is NO sr-22 insurance in MA. It's a NH thing. And there is no such insurance binder… WTF!!! The ladies in the office had no idea what the hearings officer was talking about. They said she "didn't have her lingo down," which doesn't help me at all, and there's no way to go back and ask questions now. Big letdown.

As far as insurance, I can keep my current carrier, but I don't know how much it's going to increase yet. Because I'm not writing a new policy, I didn't have to put 20% down (at least I didn't have to yesterday). The insurance company is going to send me a letter explaining the entire process (thank God), which should take about 23 days, an oddly specific number, but whatever.

When my husband came to pick me up and I told him what happened he hit the ****ing ROOF. He railed because he took the day off for nothing… said all he did was sit on his *** all day and watch TV (which IMHO doesn't sound so bad)… even though apparently I would have had to take this trip to the DMV to notify them I got a DUI in NH no matter what. He was furious at the DMV, angry about another fine, and ****** at me because I don't know what I'm doing. The main problem is I didn't hire a lawyer to guide me through the process. The fact that my DUI was out of state doesn't help matters either… it's very confusing, comes without directions, and with plenty of misdirection.

So I'm on my own now. He won't be driving me to the DMV the next time. I will be taking a cab. I don't consider this to be an entirely bad thing. It will be expensive, but I won't have to wait for him to take a day off, and I won't have to beg for the favor (major plus).

I'm looking forward to receiving the letter from my insurance carrier explaining what's going to happen. Unless the letter clearly explains what MA wants as far as proof of insurance, I'm going to wait until I get my clearance letter from the State of NH until I return to the DMV again to get my license back. It makes sense to do it all at once… if I can. It looks like I'll be waiting about another month now.

To say yesterday was a disappointment is an understatement. I didn't cry, but it was close. I think I was too confused.