"Inept" is a nice way to say it.

I am glad that you called.

M

Kay, I hope you have a nice weekend. sorry for you falling thru the cracks, good that you are on top of things.
bizi

I was totally out of it in the evening. My husband couldn't deal with me when he got home. I've been getting nauseous and getting headaches for the week I've been taking the doxycycline, but last night I had the worst headache I've ever had (and I get migraines) and I started throwing up after I ate. I was alternating between tylenol and 800mg of advil, and I already take topamax, but it still felt like I was having an aneurysm. I can't remember the last time I felt that miserable...

I thought about going to the ER, but it said online that this side effect usually goes away if you stop taking the drug causing it. And IMHO the ER should be reserved for people who have emergencies like heart attacks or missing limbs.

I was afraid to take my regular 600mg pm dose of Seroquel last night because the extra 50mg seemed to set this off, but I took it because I know I need it. I was in bed when it started to mess me up and passed out pretty quickly.

I didn't take the antibiotic last night or this morning. I have a terrible headache, but it's not as bad as last night and I'm not out of it. I called the pharmacist this morning and she confirmed that it should get better the longer I'm off it, but to go to urgent care or the ER if it gets worse.

I'm not taking any extra seroquel as long as I'm having these headaches. The psych stuff has been taking precedence over the med stuff for a while, but right now the med stuff wins.

oh kay
boy am I sorry thank you feel like crap!:(
I am hoping you feel better tomorrow.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Yes, to taking care of the med stuff.
Do you have access to a pharmacist to call at night?

I stayed in bed with the cats most of the day yesterday and my headache was a little better by the time my husband came home from work. I was nauseous but kept all my food down.

I woke up this morning and still have a headache but feel sooooooo much better :)

I wasn't going to take any extra seroquel as long as I was still having headaches, but I had to take 50mg this morning. I can't deal with another day of these ugly images, and I know if I keep having them they could trigger another episode.
I'm not willing to go back up to 100mg again until the headaches are gone for a few days. I'm not as worried about the intrusive thoughts as pdoc is. They're disturbing, but they're nothing new, and they're not known triggers.

You confused me.
are you referring to the ugly images=intrusive thoughts or are they different?
sorry it is so hard and you are dealing with so much.
bizi

The imagery is violent, related to s/s attempt, PTSD.

The intrusive thoughts are separate, OCD. They've been around for years, on and off, unchanged by s/s attempt except for frequency.

My husband decided to give up his whole weekend to work and is on call-all this week. He came home from work yesterday in an absolutely vile mood- yelling, swearing, kicking and throwing things.
I took a klonopin and told him if he didn't calm down I was going in the bedroom. He eventually calmed down, but after about a dozen beers his temper came back again. Thankfully, none of this was directed at me. I was maxed out on klonopin and it made me want to drink, but I didn't.
It's going to be a tough week. Even when he's just on-call he loses it any time he gets called to a job. He took the extra work for the extra money, but it's not worth it, and he admitted as much last night. But he'll make the mistake of at least picking up a Saturday again sometime soon in the future and regret it later.

I still have a headache. There are contractors in my apartment building testing the fire alarms and it's not helping matters. The management company sent out a memo saying they may have to enter apartments. I'm not letting anyone in unless they're accompanied by a maintenance man or a girl from the leasing office- and that's final.

I spoke to my father today and he sounds better. He said that the appointment with the shrink went well. I didn't dig, I don't want to pressure him. He also went to his PCP and is having labs drawn today. I'm happy about that as well.

I'm going to have to go up to 100mg of seroquel. 50mg isn't having the effect it should. I will probably make the adjustment tomorrow.

Kay

If the headaches don't go away go to your regular doctor or whichever one
helps with this. Its possible its a illness too.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I'm pretty sure it was the antibiotic since it's continued to get better the longer I've been off it. I'll be happy when the headaches are totally gone tho.

Sounds good.

Keep getting rid of the headaches.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I have NO headache today!!! :):):)

I took 100mg of seroquel this this am along with 1mg Klonopin. It's a little sedating. I'm hoping I'll adjust to it in a few days. No unpleasant imagery. So far, no intrusive thoughts either :) It would make a very big difference to me if things would just stay this way.



I called drunk.org yesterday and had them fax the cert. that I took that driving class over to the DMV. They also sent cert. by mail to the court and my home state of MA, and emailed me a "program compliance report" for my records that will probably also prove useful when I finally try to get my license back in MA.

The ball is rolling again...

I called the NH DMV and requested the paperwork I need for the process of getting insurance. They're sending it out today... kinda surprised that the DMV can do anything quickly.

My husband will have to take a day off to take me to the MA DMV so a "hearings officer" can process the paperwork allowing me to get insurance. I hope the copies the court sent me are sufficient and clear enough. To be safe, I made sure everything's certified. The court clerk in NH said the MA DMV wouldn't require more than what I requested.

I know I am missing a copy of my updated NH driving record tho and need to go to a NH DMV branch to get it. I'm going to ask a friend of mine to take me so my husband and I don't have to hit 2 DMV's on the same day.

This time there is a time limit... I only have 30 days from when the letter is issued to provide the NH DMV proof I have insurance.
I get my check on the 16th, so we'll be able to "afford" (lol) to pay the 20% down payment on the insurance then. I want my husband to take the 18th off so we can take our trip to the DMV then, and hopefully go to the insurance agency as well. It's a Friday... he could use a long weekend.

Then I can sit back until the insurance co. provides proof to the NH DMV I have insurance, and wait for a clearance letter from the state of NH. But then I'll have to return to see a hearings officer at the MA DMV again and try to get my license back.

My 2 main obstacles arise from the same source: THE MA DMV.

But I'm getting close.

amazed that you are keeping every thing straight!
bizi

I am too!

Most people who get DUIs hire lawyers who get them all the paperwork they need and walk them through the after court process.

I didn't hire a lawyer. I was guilty, so I talked to the prosecutor myself and he recommended the lightest sentence in return for my plea. There is no guide book for all of this. I've had to figure out the paperwork on my own, and I've gotten all my info from the internet and through a lot of phone calls... basically being a pain in the ***.

The funny thing is that the majority of the people who hire lawyers pay between $5-10K and end up with the same sentence I got. I'd say my research and phone calls were worth the trouble.

After I go through this whole process there is a chance the MA DMV may suspend my license for another year because they treat the DUI like it happened in MA too (double jeopardy). There isn't a lot of info about it on the internet, but there's enough for it to be concerning. I have to try different google searches to see if I can find out more specific information.

There are lawyers who specialize in dealing with the DMV, and I will hire one if MA tries to suspend my license for another year. I can't imagine I'd have to pay a lawyer a fortune just to represent me at a DMV hearing.

can you call something for people with disabilities to see if they have anything that can be of support to you? I hope so. Unbelievably dreadful. i am so sorry.
bobby

There's no way out of this. I got a DUI. The way the law is written in NH, if they think you might have a substance abuse problem, you have to go through an evaluation and then all the substance abuse counseling.

I did the research and I'm stuck if the director decides I need the evaluation, and he will.

I might be able to get out of paying the $200- by having the evaluation done in MA, too (if I read the law correctly). I won't know that until I speak to someone Friday, if even then. They're so stupid they probably won't know how to answer that question without asking Tom, ****, and Harry first.

I am sorry kay.
not good news.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

According to the law, I was supposed to have a "scheduled" exit evaluation or assessment interview "within 15 days" of the class completion (Nov.1st). It's supposed to be a one-on-one, face-to-face interview at least 1hr in duration. It's in that interview that they are supposed to tell you if they think you need additional "services" or not, and what they are.
I made sure to note the particular statute and administrative rule on this point so I can reference it if I need to.
I had no such interview. The only thing the instructor said to me at the conclusion of the class was "goodbye."

Despite the fact that that window of time has elapsed, nothing's going to relieve me from the responsibility of going through substance abuse counseling. But I can argue that I never received my interview and they should provide me one in lieu of charging me for a $200 substance abuse evaluation. I can argue that. It doesn't mean it will get me anywhere unless I request a hearing, and I don't want to waste my time on that ********.

A girl named Katie, who I've had no prior contact with, is the one saddled with the responsibility of calling me tomorrow lol. Poor thing. I plan on being much more pleasant though. But still assertive. I really don't know exactly what to expect...
I do plan on having all my services done in my home state, and I don't expect her to know how to handle that issue without discussing it with someone else. More wasted time.

I used the NH Department of Health and Human Services website to find reciprocal facilities/providers in my state. I will get a referral from my PCP to one of them to get my foot in the door. My insurance company will at least pay for the evaluation. Because of my psych history, I'll probably be referred to a therapist instead of a counselor. In which case, I hope insurance pays.

I read online that drunk.org recommended one man receive substance abuse counseling for 24-36 weeks :eek: That is a lot of time and a lot of money!!! And they don't let you get your license back until you finish...

that is so awful. how are you feeling?
bobby

I am anxious and stressed out. In addition to disturbing psych symptoms breaking through my regular meds because the anniversary of my s/s attempt is coming up, I've been worrying about my father, and have a couple of my own health concerns to deal with. I simply don't need this right now.

I don't deal well when I'm ill-informed. It drives up my anxiety. And I don't know what to expect when I hear from these people tomorrow. I don't know if they will:

- Try to schedule me for a $200 substance abuse evaluation
- Try to base service recommendations solely on the instructor's notes
- Call me in for the exit interview I was robbed of
- Conduct that interview over the phone, or
- Do something that I can't anticipate.

I could be facing 6mo or more of counseling, and the accompanying costs, but hopefully less since I've been voluntarily sober since July 20th if they believe me. No matter what, I'll likely be without my license for a long time.

I'm seriously worried I may be in contempt of court since I lied at the intake (and I also test well) and therefore they found me not to be at risk of having a substance abuse disorder, yet I admitted to being an alcoholic during the driving class- and there's a paper trail.
I can explain it by way of my second hospitalization this year and involvement in AA there, but I'd rather not have to do it in court- thank you very much.

I've been back and forth with being overwhelmed by the whole process of getting my license back for quite a while...
Then one day I'm celebrating because I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the next, this pops up to black it all out.

This is just too much for me to absorb. It's really testing my limits.

i hate to write this but try to hang in. it is so very difficult. are you thinking the worse case scenario instead of just waiting to see. I am very big on control issues and try to find out all i can so i can't just hang in
bobby

Kay,

It seems that you are doing a lot.
Can you consider letting NAMI connect you with a lawyer for a consult?

You might benefit from letting someone else in on this.

M

I like mari's suggestion.
great idea.
rooting for you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay,

This is important to you, clearly.

Keep focusing on what helps you feel safe.

M

Thank you all :grouphug:

Like Bobby, I have control issues. The better informed I am, the better I feel and the better I function. I will be much better off once this phone call is out of the way and I get a better idea of what's going to happen.
Then I will be able to act upon whatever situation I find myself in.

What worries me the most is the impact this will have on our finances, but of course the legal ramifications are also a big concern.

I've read the NH DUI laws several times. They are very strict. Drunk.org is bound by the law to re-evaluate people after the driving class if there is a concern they are at risk for substance abuse problems, but the "service plan" is up to their discretion. They won't be handing me a free pass, and I don't have any leverage at this point.

A lawyer can't help me unless I'm actually held in contempt of court, drunk.org decides to dump extra "aftercare" on me after I finish the counseling they recommended (I can request a hearing), or if MA tries to take my license away for another year at the end of all of this (I can request a hearing).

Yesterday I ended up taking 2mg of klonopin with the 100mg of seroquel. My anxiety was so high it wasn't sedating. No, I'm not showing any signs of hypomania.
The good news is the ugly imagery and intrusive thoughts still haven't come back since I increased the seroquel to 100mg.

This is all good old fashioned anxiety.

I have to have a $200- substance abuse evaluation on January 5th.
It's going to take 1 1/2hrs and I have to have a 30min follow up appointment 2 weeks later to find out how much counseling I need, and that will cost me another $60.

I'm going to be assigned a case manager who will help me find an approved counselor in my area. I have to check in with my case manager twice a month by phone at a cost of $60/mo. That doesn't include the cost of the sessions or the out-of-state fee.

I apologized for my behavior on the phone the other day (I spoke to the same woman). And said that I had done some research on the subject and better understood what was going on, that it is the law, but wished I had the opportunity to find this out much sooner... that I was never given an exit interview and the instructor never mentioned a word about it to me. She said she thought I was handling the whole situation very well given the circumstances. I also told her I quit drinking in July. She seemed pleased by my reaction to everything and said she would be leaving all these positive notes for my evaluator.

I figure I'm stuck in this situation, so I'm better off just accepting it (at least for the present). I doubt being a ***** is going to work in my favor here.

I'll wait until after I figure out how much counseling they heap on me, how long it's going to take, and how much it's going to cost before I start to flip out again if I can help it.

As far as I can tell, I'm not in danger of being in contempt of court.

Kay,

That was a productive phone call.

You are doing well by not flipping out.

M

I'm still very upset about this whole situation, but I can better manage my anxiety now because I have a better understanding of what to expect and what's expected of me, to a point.

I'll probably freak out in the 2 weeks between the time I have the evaluation and the follow up appointment when I find out how much counseling they recommend though. It's a long time to wait and I will have zero information to work with, and zero control.

It sucks that I have to wait until Jan. 5th for the first appointment. It's yet another delay, but it's probably for the best. It will be good to keep this at a distance while I focus on other more pressing matters.

I'm constantly re-framing situations in my mind, and trying desperately to redirect myself to manage my anxiety and deal with stress. I think it's been working for me- to a degree.

1mg klonopin this morning vs. 2mg since Wednesday (along with the 100mg of seroquel). That's an improvement.

I am glad that the lady will include the positive interactions that you have had with her in your file.
Thank you for keeping us posted/up to date on the status of this process.
I hope it helps you to get it out here..and share.
You are such a strong woman. Congratulations on your not drinking this long...it is really impressive.
bizi

Kay,

I understand about how having info can make you feel less lost/tied up in the process.

It is good that you are watching your meds and adjusting.


M

I still have to be very careful what I say to this evaluator. The more risk factors you have, the more counseling they dump on you. But being voluntarily sober for this long is a huge plus.

Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
You can never trust anyone working in that kind of position.

You have done fabulous with your sobriety.

M

kay, I hope you have a nice weekend.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thank you Mari :hug:
You told me to keep my head down before I went to the driving class and I should have taken your advice then.

At the class the instructor had us write down and turn in what happened before, during, after our arrests. I wrote that I was full-blown manic at the time, but didn't mention the s/s attempt. They also have a list of my meds and what they are for because the docs had to sign off on them twice. I'm on 5 different psych meds. 4 are for bipolar disorder.

So bipolar disorder will come into play. At least I don't have to manufacture a reason for why I quit drinking, but I'm going to have to be very careful about how much I share.

I see my pdoc on the 28th. I'm going to ask her to write a letter stating how proactive I am in my care and how closely I work with her monitoring and managing my bipolar disorder- and bring it to the evaluation.

I figure anything I can offer to show that I've been taking care of my problem on my own will help reduce the amount of counseling they recommend.

this sounds like a good plan kay.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Kay,

Does the amount of counseling affect this?
1 cost
2 time to getting license back


(What else? I am following but sometimes I get lost. Sorry)
3

The person doing the evaluation decides how much counseling (how many weeks/how many sessions) I need based on standardized tests and an interview. I don't know how much each counseling session costs (over $100), but I have to pay for every one of them out of pocket. I can't get my license back until I've completed everything they've recommended AND the counselor is satisfied.
Because I have to do my counseling in my home state, I have to pay drunk.org an additional $350 out-of-state monitoring fee which is ********.

$200 substance evaluation
+$60 monitoring fee at 2nd appointment (then monthly)
+$350 out-of-state fee
-----------------
$610 BEFORE any counseling

Guess what we'll be spending my husband's Christmas bonus on?

The football game didn't start until 8:30 last night, so my husband had to miss it again. But all the kitties watched it with me. I've trained Buddy to give me a kinda high five. By the end of the season, he'll be all the way there lol. The Pats won big, but there were a lot of injuries again. It was a good game.

I'm going to try not to think about the evaluation, counseling, and price tag until it's an impending threat. It could be triggering and I need to keep my stress level low.

I clipped Dottie and Buddy's nails yesterday. They were long overdue. Turns out Buddy just needed a manicure to get the High-5 right lol. It's hilarious. :) I'm going to have to do Rocky's nails today. He's a BIG BOY at 26lbs. He's a baby and he puts up a terrible fight. I can only clip a couple of nails at a time before he flips out, bucks me, runs and hides. It might take 2 days to finish his.

I also wrapped my nephews' presents. That's when you start to hate having cats... they're all over everything.... the presents, the paper, the tape, the tags, the cellophane from the wrapping paper tube.... They try to chew, paw at, and walk all over everything. But the presents are safe now, and packed up to be brought to the post office Saturday. I don't care if they chew the shipping box.
We stopped putting up a tree a couple of years ago. It got to be too much trouble with the three cats.

Today I'm going to get started on the Christmas cards we're sending out. I used to send a lot, but most of my friends stopped contacting me after my s/s attempt. I can sign my husband's name to to the cards for the few of my family members my husband can tolerate, but I'm only addressing the envelopes for the cards to his family members. They don't want anything to do with me because my husband and I were separated for 4mo last year, and because they don't support his decision to reconcile with me (we've been back together since January) in light of my mental health issues. It's painful. I doubt he'll think it's appropriate for me to sign my name on the cards. He can sign them himself when he gets home.

Kay