Kay,

I feel sorry for your Hubby! We men do not get colds, we get Man Flu, a serious, painful, debilitating condition that leaves us at Death's Door

We need sympathy and a lot of patience.

Dave.

"Man Flu!" lol. I love it! And I love that you can admit it, Dave!

Bizi, I'm thankful I had my posts to rely on for that info. I didn't anticipate the need to journal, but since I post everyday my thread served as one. I'm thankful in so many ways for this forum, and for all of you

Bobby, I'm sorry you had such a bad reaction to seroquel.

There are some drugs I can't take at all like depakote, risperdal, zyprexa, and cipro. But I think I have a high tolerance for most meds because Ive been on such high doses of **** over the years and haven't experienced the sensitivities and side effects that most of you mention.

At my appointment, my PCP mentioned he was concerned that I was on 400mg of gabapentin, too. I was on 600/600/1200mg of it for about 8yrs! Along with a **** load of other drugs including 1800mg of lithium! He was shocked by that even though he was my doctor the entire time. Truth be told, a lot of funky neuro things were going on and nobody realized it was the lithium until I stopped it for good in June. My old neurologist thought I was a nut job.

I don't take anything to treat the MS or its symptoms anymore. It's not the decision that most people make, but my neurologist agrees with me, and says that I'm already on too many meds that act on the brain.
But that's not the decision I can make regarding my bipolar disorder. It's dangerous and difficult to control. I'm thankful that I can tolerate meds to the degree I can. I don't know what kind of shape I would be in otherwise.

I'd be more suspicious that the seroquel was causing the fatigue and cognitive problems if those symptoms didn't disable me prior to my BP diagnosis and prior to the use of any of these meds, if the increases of seroquel had a direct correlation to the increase in fatigue, and if reducing the daytime dose of it had improved my symptoms.

That being said, putting somebody with MS, fatigue, and cognitive issues on so many meds isn't going to turn out well no matter how you slice it. It is going to play some role. There has been consistency for some time even being on so many different meds, but for some reason there's a change for the worse right now. I'm just kind of grasping at straws looking for something that will prove that this won't be permanent.



I have my appointment with drunk.org this afternoon. I finally get to find out how much punishment I will receive for my honesty. I'm not expecting the "treatment plan" to be reasonable, but I'm going to try my best to hold my temper. My anxiety is sky high right now, but I expect it will go down again once I get the verdict and accept my fate.

Even though I'm going to have to go through this process, I've pretty much stopped thinking about the end game of getting my license back because it seems so far off right now because I have to complete whatever the counseling recommendations are and I don't know how much time it will take. Not being alert enough to drive right now is also a major factor.

I've been asking my husband for over a week to let his boss know that he has to be out early today so that he can take me to my appointment that's scheduled for 4:30. Last night he said he still hadn't, but it was no problem because he'd be home long before then…
He called me about a half hour ago to say he was on his way to another job. I told him it would cost me $100 to cancel and reschedule the appointment. He asked where the appointment was (because he obviously never listens to me). He could have declined the job and said he had an appointment, but didn't.
I've been forbidden to take UberTaxi because he said it's not safe, but I'm going to have to go that route today.
Between being furious at him for canceling on me at the last minute and having to get into a car with a stranger using a service I've never used to go to an appointment I'm already freaked out about, my anxiety is so high I'm climbing the ****ing walls right now!!!
I never take klonopin this late in the day, but I have no choice. I can't handle this feeling!

i am so sorry...just what you didn't need...too much
fondly
bobby

Kay

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Is there any way he can pick you up.

Donna

How are you?
bizi

Hugs to you, Kay.



'Wanting good things for you.


M

The whole thing about UberTaxi: The place I was going was 3 towns away and over the state line, so a regular cab ride would be ridiculously expensive, but there are some horror stories out there about Uber drivers.

I had to take 1mg of klonopin because I had a full-blown anxiety attack. My husband ended up calling me around 3:15 to ask if I had called for a ride yet (I hadn't) because he was on his way home.

When he got here he told me I didn't understand how his job worked and he couldn't just decline going… I called him on his BS and told him he should have just let his boss know in advance he had to be out early because he seldom takes any time off, but when he does they always respect it. He was shouting at me about having to constantly take me to appointments, but aside from the evaluation a couple of weeks ago, I take cabs and haven't called upon him in a long time.

He doesn't like to be wrong, and doesn't respond well to it. I usually don't pick fights because of it. It's just easier to suck it up. He also can't deal with any kind of anxiety, which I think is part of why he drinks so much. He just went ****ing bananas! The whole way to and from the appointment was a temper tantrum. The problem is he's not a child, so it's ****ing scary. I didn't speak to him except to ask him to calm down several times. My favorite part was on the way home when the windows started fogging up a little he got frustrated and said he just wanted to drive into a ****ing wall. Fun ride? No nap, 1mg of klonopin at 4:30pm, and I was WIDE AWAKE. I could have taken 2mg of klonopin and it wouldn't have done the job.


When I got to the appointment, the counselor couldn't find my case file and said it was probably at the main office in east *** crack. All I could think of was the ball of rage waiting impatiently for me in the parking lot. Thankfully, she finally called over and they gave her the info she needed and we were able to proceed.
Long story short, she recommended the state minimum of 6-10 counseling sessions. Exactly how many I have to do is up to my new counselor who I see on Thursday.

I have to admit it's a much better outcome than I expected. Not as expensive or time consuming as I had anticipated. I can do a session a week if she's available and I'm up to it.

I'd probably be more relieved and more celebratory if I wasn't dreading my husband coming home this afternoon. I don't know what form he'll appear in when he arrives. Sometimes he thinks things over the next day and apologizes, but that's a rare occurrence. He may just want to drop things, but he could be brooding over it all night or come home ready to pick a fight.

Oh kay.....
Firstly I am glad that your sessions will be doable for you.'
Very happy about that.

secondly, I am very sorry that you are living with this man.
I wish you had some one more nurturing in your life.
Do you have any one in your life that you can confide to...be a support person for you?
Friends?
bizi

Kay,
I am happy to hear about the "minimum" decision even if you had the added excitement of her not initially having your stuff and of your having to deal with your husband's mood.





M