[DMACK]

May i start this thread by saying sorry.

I know i shouldn't drink whilst on medication, but i do. Why? i haven't a clue
I used to do this to self medicate. I drank to let all this feeling of frustration
and complete madness i have,..have an escape route. I'm an extremely happily married man who eight months ago would beat my self up because i wanted to be with my wife at every extremel. Since being on medication i sadly dont feel the same way. I love her and we talk more than ever [ and we talked a lot before] i've just have lost that connection . I know that OLANZIPINE can have this effect [ decrease in sexual stimulation] but i'm really Pxxxxx off with this feeling.

Its not hat i dont want to be with my wife i just feel my mind is so interactive with external thoughts i cant switch off and give her the attention she deserves.

Since medication i have not cried for 9 months, prior to medication i cried every day for 16 months. i feel lost without this mechanism to extract my true feelings.
I know some may think, i should be happy i'm not crying all the time, but when you have been a certain way for ever its really hard not to have that out-let any more.

When my wife and i got married, i used to go to FOOTBALL[ Soccer in your country/US friends][ as a male dominaed pastime in the Uk,... i could scream curse, shout, etc,,,, it helped me let off steam. Then the children arrived. and money for them came first, so i did no go to watch matches again. [ And my way to vent steam stopped]

Going back to my children [2 boys] when my wife gave birth to our first son, she had PND. And i am convinced i did to. Honestly what man in his right mind thinks watching your wife, the one you love go through all that pain is a wonderful experience. It is scarry and sad to watch the one you love suffer, yes the end result is wonderful, but sadly this was not my priority.[ As is now i hasten to say before you all think i'm a terrible father]

I Love my wife beyond words, she really is my soul mate, though at times like today i feel i dont know her. I love my kids, 15[ going on thirty] 13 [going on nutty professor] but we have no ADULT time in this house anymore,[ I should be greatful my boys want to spend time with us/ All the time] ....am i wrong evil, and monstrous to say that.
I work as a Housing Support worker [ social services] with Homeless males, predominately young men [16-25] homeless through, substance misuse, , criminality, behavior problems, etc.,,,i.m a bloody fool i'm meant to be reducing stress but i'm inundated with the stuff.

Sadly i come home -via the pub or drink when my wife goes to bed[ she gets up for work at 5am so has to go to bed early] just to eliminate the awful things i see hear, an witness daily.
Some may say change your job, I did i;ve done this for 5 years before i Supported people with learning difficulties[ Down Syndrome, Celerabal palsy, ,Dual personality conditions, Autism, etc,,, for twelve years and changed jobs because it was killing me.

I witnessed so many deaths of relatively young people, carried their coffins, read their ullages...EXPERIENCED GRIEF . whilst my employers insisted i did not.[ British thing stiff upper lip- and move on ... rubbish]


So this is where i am now, drunk fed-up and un-hapoy , but tomorrow is another daY- AT LEAST TONIGHT was just missery anmd not Suicidal missery which is normaly the way.

once agaiin i'm sorry [ and God bless the spell check]

[Jomar]

Hi David,
Maybe you just need to find a hobby or start a work out routine or something active to release the stress in a good way.

You and wife really do need to keep a connection with some private time too. It is so important for both of you.
Can the boys go to friends house one evening a week and maybe on the weekend once in awhile too?

[DMACK]

Hi jo55

We moved housed in February, and the boys have suddenly become home-birds not wanting to venture out. We have been married for 18 years in August and i can count on two hands and one foot how many times we have had family babysit. My boys are now old enough to be ok for a couple of hours but as a mother my wife still thinks there too young to be ;left alone.

happy days

[bizi]

HI David,
YOu have been married for a long time...wonder if you guys have considered a marriage counselor?
Just for a few sessions to get the conversation flowing in the direction you would like.
Sometimes it takes an nuetral person to help put things into perspective.
As you know staying married is hard work...
Your kids are old enough!
shoot i started baby sitting when I was 12 years old!
Hang in there....
bizi

[mymorgy]

I wonder if you should change medications....you sound so very frustrated and I wonder if your medication is blocking some of your natural feelings.
You have so much going for you. It sounds like you need natural releases from the strain of your job and the medication is impeding the natural releases. I could be way off base.
I used to be a child psychologist and handled pretty heavy stuff and also know how gratifying it was....
i think the drugs can numb us in a way that isn't good...and prevent us from experiencing emotions that are necessary to help us get through life.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear David,

Your wife is your best hope in appreciating and living your life more fully.
Find a way to talk to her. Get a few hours of quiet time twice a week.


Find a way to get those few hours in your lives.
This is really vital for you (and for her). She needs you.

You don't have to beat yourself up for drinking. You will stop when you are ready. You will.

Originally Posted by David McCallion

Its not hat i dont want to be with my wife i just feel my mind is so interactive with external thoughts i cant switch off and give her the attention she deserves.

This concerns me. Are you having what we call racing thoughts? Break through mixed moods? If this is the case, your meds need adjustments.
The alcohol of course makes the racing thoughts worse -- if this is what you are having.
I hope you are ok.

Since medication i have not cried for 9 months, prior to medication i cried every day for 16 months. i feel lost without this mechanism to extract my true feelings.

Getting on meds is a huge change. Be gentle on yourself. You take care of other people. You can take care of yourself. Let yourself go through this adjustment period. I even sounds like you are going through a bit of a mourning period for your old life. It's ok.

Can you find a way to get your emotions out? Sing? Exercise? Go to a football game? What is stopping you from going to a game? Does watching on tv work or not (not a sports fan, sorry)?
I know some grown men (not American born) who get together informally every so often to play football on the weekends? Can you do that? Can you find a formal group? Just some ideas. Sorry if they are lame.

When my wife and i got married, i used to go to FOOTBALL[ Soccer in your country/US friends][ as a male dominaed pastime in the Uk,... i could scream curse, shout, etc,,,, it helped me let off steam. Then the children arrived. and money for them came first, so i did no go to watch matches again. [ And my way to vent steam stopped]

Men/boys watch violent or otherwise intense movies for this too I think. It works for some. Also something like Tai Chi classes.

I Love my wife beyond words, she really is my soul mate, though at times like today i feel i dont know her. I love my kids, 15[ going on thirty] 13 [going on nutty professor] but we have no ADULT time in this house anymore,[ I should be greatful my boys want to spend time with us/ All the time] ....am i wrong evil, and monstrous to say that.
I work as a Housing Support worker [ social services] with Homeless males, predominately young men [16-25] homeless through, substance misuse, , criminality, behavior problems, etc.,,,i.m a bloody fool i'm meant to be reducing stress but i'm inundated with the stuff.

Get the kids out of the house. They need to learn to amuse themselves on their own. Figure out an activity for them if necessary. They have to start their lives. Really, I wonder what your wive's concerns are. May you need to address her legitimate feelings.

I witnessed so many deaths of relatively young people, carried their coffins, read their ullages...EXPERIENCED GRIEF . whilst my employers insisted i did not.[ British thing stiff upper lip- and move on ... rubbish]

Can anybody in your work place send you to a GOOD counselor to learn techniques to keep your work out of your life? Out of your head?


I hope that my post doesn't sound bossy.

Stay with us.
You have lots to say.

Mari

[befuddled2]

(((((David)))))

I don't know much about advising others in situations yet like people on here describe. However, I believe from what you say you and your wife don't have trouble communicating when you do. I think perhaps it may help if you told your wife what you said here. Your wife is your sould mate and I believe together both of you should work together on these things. I'm just not a firm believer in marriage counseling.

You don't have to apologize about drinking either. Sometimes though when we use booze or any other thing to self medicate we can become dependant on it so please be careful. I like what other things people have said also. I hope you feel better today and let us know how you're doing today.

befuddled2

[Nikko]

I agree with the others. Maybe you need a med change, I would talk to your p-doc ASAP. Maybe just maybe it would be good for your wife to go with you to a session.

Also, keep those lines of communication OPEN with your wife, take time for the both of you to be alone and tell her everything you are feeling. Even if it is just going out for a nice, quiet, romantic dinner, just the two of you.

I too have self-medicated with alcohol and other things, that was before I was diagnosed with BP II.

How long have you been on BP meds and/or diagnosed? Sometimes it takes awhile before p-doc's gets the right combo of meds for us, and the dosage.

Hang in there......keep posting.

Hope you are feeling better today. To say the truth - drinking is only compounding the situation and it is a depressent, been there, done that and it lead to worse situations, like the big S. more than once for me.

Hugs, Nikko

[Nikko]

Are you okay? Please check in.



Nikko

[rashelle]

I won't go into my life, It's nuts. I went in for group counceling, WOW what a difference it made. I always thought group would be silly. I was so low I could'nt see up. I made changes for the better because of it. Give it a try, what do you have to lose. Good Luck