Hang in there, my mom & a SIL both had lumpectomies & radiation in 04 & 05, they are both doing fine.

BJ

Keeping you in my prayers, BJ. I'm so relieved they found this so early. You've got lots of prayers and positive thoughts following you here.

She said if you had to choose which breast cancer you had to get....this would be it. So, I guess I shouldn't be scared. But for some reason, I still am. I’m just terrified that I’ll wake up and part or all of my breast will be gone. I don't want to lose ANY of it!! I mean, we've been together a long time.

My mom did have a very aggressive cancer. She had it in one side, had a mastectomy, then she got it in the other breast. She lived through a hell that I would not want anyone to go through. After seeing my mom go through these treatments I thought I would be more prepared for this. I knew in the back of my mind I would eventually get BC but not now, not yet. I’m grateful my PCP is so on the ball and insisted I get a screening mammo done or else I’d never have known.

I’m now waiting to go to the surgeon Tuesday. Seems like an eternity waiting. The waiting is the hard part, thinking an awful thing is in your body and you want it out. When you are going through this thing you imagine the worst scenario and go from there, I think it allows you to prepare mentally for whatever news you get. I'm going down to the NJ shore, Wildwood, first week of August but if she wants to schedule surgery I just won't be able to go.

This afternoon I’m taking the second part of the CPA exam. I have to put this all out of my mind and concentrate on that.

BJ,
Good luck on the CPA exam.
M.

Thank you for sharing. I am relieved that it is the supposedly least worrisome type of cancer to get... but i do appreciate what you say about having an awful thing in your body and wanting it out. Likewise, however, I would not want to have to part with any bit of myself either so I do feel for you, even if you will be "ok."

Now... for the CPA exam this afternoon - i wish you the best of luck even though i suspect you will not need luck. I am summoning up a "mental umbrella" for you this afternoon, under which you can focus on the exam, sheltered from all scary thoughts... about anything at all.

I have confidence you will do well in the exam however, no matter what.

The last one when you thought you could hardly remember anything, you aced it!

You're one smart cookie!

Looking forward to hearing back from you as to how you feel it went... when you feel up to posting of course.

((( hugs )))

~ waves ~

sending you hugs and prayers
bobby

sending you warm wishes, I am sorry that you are having to gothru this.
know that you are being treated with the best care and that you have excellant doctors who will reccommend the best procedures available. you are going to be able to handle this, I have faith in you. keep posting and relying on all of your friends here at these forums.
I will bring up your party thread.
beth

I'm sending more hugs.

ANd thoughts for tuesday.

Donna

I did the best I could. My mind was racing all over the place. When I got there I was sitting in the area where we all have to wait. I just lost it and couldn’t control the tears. I know this sounds stupid but I needed my mom to tell me it would be okay. One of the proctors saw me and said it’s just a test and if I fail I could take it again. I told her that’s not why I’m crying. I couldn’t even speak and she took me to a room off the side.

I told her everything and she said "You're fine...this is really great news." And, again, it is, in the world of BC. I know that!! I couldn’t understand that response. I was trying so hard to keep my emotions in check. But I couldn’t. I just feel like, it's not ok to have even the teeniest feeling about what’s been going on because I'm so *&%$ing fine!

All things are relative, I suppose. I am "lucky" in some ways. But it's still cancer. I vary on whether I hate being told I'm lucky. I know what she meant, and I know that it's true from certain perspective. But I just want to scream, "No, LUCKY would be if I didn't have CANCER."

Life can be so complicated. I’ve tried so many times to leave this earth and be with my family and now I’m afraid to die.

I tried. I don’t know how I did. It’s all a big blur right now. I even got lost on the way home, in my own neighborhood. I was just driving aimlessly I didn’t even realize where I was. I’m just overly tired right now.

First of all, just let the test go. You probably did ok on automatic pilot. Anyway, you will find out.

As for the proctor, i think sometimes even when we are well-meaning, we say things that do not really help the other person, given where they are at.

No-one is lucky to have cancer, in my opinion. Any kind of cancer. I mean, let's call a spade a spade.

Even if it's the "least troublesome" cancer... yes, is IS still cancer, and it IS scary. It is easy for me to predict statistically that you're gonna be ok. But if i had cancer, i know i would be scared. So i think that's totally normal. Let it out. You have EVERY RIGHT.

About these mixed feelings of lucky/unlucky.... what if we say, you have been unlucky and while, sure, you might have been more unlucky, that is not your concern. You have had a seriously upsetting diagnosis and require extensive treatment and follow up. Anyone telling you there is no need to be upset just doesn't get it, imho.

Do not compare yourself to women with "worse" forms of cancer. You are living your life not theirs. You are living your pain. Cry the tears that need to be cried. It is natural. Feel the fear that is natural.

Then, perhaps, mitigate that fear with a pinch of reasoning about the specifics of your case, and the type of cancer, to help yourself be optimistic and courageous through the treatment process.

I am afraid this well-meaning post might make you feel worse. I hope not.

I just wish it weren't happening. Then, there would be no need to be upset. But ... it is. Hold on to yourself, dear, and hold on to us.



~ waves ~ with warm thoughts and healing energy