[kalamity_jane]

i'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post and sorry if folks think i'm just a whinger being a newbie and all but...


when my late husband died (sui) ..due to my having physical and mental health problems... and due to my kids being special needs... i made the painful decision that they needed proper care...so i asked for them to live with foster folks who could care for them proper. they live with a foster family on a farm.


my son Andi turns 12 years old today...and as their foster folks find me an inconvenience still having parental control etc so they need my consent for holidays etc...i know they won't allow him so much as a fone call.


guess it serves me right for being an inadequate mother?


do i even have the right to care any more?

[Burntmarshmallow]

((((K.Jane)))))) I am sorry for the loss of your hub and for such a hard time you have been going threw.
Do you have the right to care? For most people caring is woven into us and runs threw our veins and shows in our words, our smiles our handshakes and glimmers in our eyes. Or I could say for some of us caring is all there is. We do it so much it can hurt sting and burn. You will always be your son’s birth mother and I would never consider you inadequate. Having given such a huge sacrifice for them by trying the only options you had to give them a better chance at life. Do you get to see them at all?? How long ago did your hub pass away? That surely must have been a terrible time for you and family I am sorry.
I am Glad you found your way to Neurotalk You should find all the people here helpful supportive and. like family. Thanks for sharing and posting. Yes you have the right to care and Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take care of you. Love you!!!
PEACE
BMW

[Idealist]

Oh, KJ, listen to what BMW said. She's a smart woman, and very right this time. What you did was to make a sacrifice in hopes to improve the lives of your children. What is a sacrifice after all? It means giving up a certain part of your own happiness for the benefit of others. And that's just what you did. You have every right to love your children and want to be part of their life. No matter what people may say, you didn't "abandon" them. And they will always be of your own blood. I hope things work out in a way that will let you re-establish your ralationship with your kids. Good luck, KJ, and all my best wishes.

[kalamity_jane]

(((( BMW )))) Thank You for understanding. Deep down I know I done the right thing for my kids even though it hurts me, I felt as a Mom I had to put what was right for them first to give them the best chance in life.

When they first went to foster folks I got to see them 5 or 6 days a week and talk to them on the phone for an hour a piece when I wasn't well enough for visits. The past year I have only seen them maybe twice and will maybe see them twice more.

Their Daddy passed away in the summer of 05 but the aftermath was horrendous. The autopsy took 3 weeks, the funeral a month, the ceremony for placing the ashes and plaque 4 months, the winding up of his affairs 4 months. At which point I had a breakdown and couldn't care for myself let alone 3 very special but severely traumarized boys with special needs.

And about my sons birthday...my social worker intervened and got me a 1 hour phone call with him.

Thank You SO much for taking the time to read and care.

Much peace and love to you,
roz
xx

[kalamity_jane]

((Idealist)) I am lucky that my boys see it the same way as you and BMW do and so, far from hating me or blaming me, they have tremendous love for me. I am currently working with my social worker to get the contact situation improved as my kids get equally distressed as me when contact is poor.

Thank you for taking the time to read and care.

Peace and love to you,
roz
xx

[Burntmarshmallow]

Oh this is still so fresh for you I am so sorry I know some may think 3 years ..time has passed but I know time drags on with certain things.
I am so Happy for both ofyou that the social worker was able to at least get a phone call in! and it is so great to know you children understand that they are wise enough and mature enough to realize things . the sacrifices you made to better their care and their chance in life. You are a inspiration. I sure hope and pray you are allowed visitation rights soon. It sound like all of you want that. the foster parrents probly dont so much but if all work together for the good of the kids...things will turn out good. I pray that for you and your children .
Many blessings
PEACE
BMW

[kalamity_jane]

(((( BMW )))) I do officially have visitation rights, it's just hard coz they live a couple of hours away and have very active lives on the farm and the local community. the foster parents do find me an inconvenience also coz it's not the norm, i've been told, for birth parents to still want proper contact with their kids here. on the plus side i have a meeting with Social Workers on Wednesday and my Social Worker will be there to help put forward my side, and the fact that my kids are constantly demanding more contact has to be a plus also?

thanks for your kind words (((( BMW ))))

[Burntmarshmallow]

You and your boys will without a doubt be in my prayers and positive thoughts tomorrow...wensday when you go to that apt. I think it is wonderful your kids are demanding contact with you, I think it will help . You are a awesome UNselfish caring woman,mother and I admire the things you have done and are doing for your boys. I will have all of yous tight in my thoughts and prayers. let us know how things turn out when you can .Thanks Kal Jane
PEACE
BMW

[kalamity_jane]

(((BMW))) things worked out well i think. a guaranteed fone call once a week and a full day contact one Saturday a month, plus school holiday contact of at least once a week.


Thank You SO much for your thoughts and support.


Love and hugs

[Bannet]

It seems as though your Social Worker is really helping you with your children.

I think that is wonderful.

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I can't imagine how hard it is on you to have to deal with so much.