Actually, when I said "Ask for help?? Who??" I was quoting Judy. There have been several times when I would have willingly have asked for the physical help I needed, but there was nobody to ask. And I agree, Judy, anger and despair in such a situation is natural and rational. I'm glad you're talking about it here, too. My own experience with this sort of anger is that talking about it, bringing it into the air, helps to validate it, making it less corrosive and helping me to move on. If I don't do this I get stuck in the anger, and then it is damaging.

Chris

aaah, ok, did not see that, thanks!

Hi Jena:

Ha ha - it's not your cognitive skills that are out of whack - it's mine. I didn't explain very well.

I have two girls, ages 30 and 31. The oldest has four kids, the 30 year old had the five CL kids.

Her firstborn CL child was a girl (Tasha) who we adopted six years ago, making her child #3. That's her picture.

So at the ripe old age of 54 I have 8 grandchildren (and an adopted granddaughter). That's plenty.

As for struggling I can't help but think that the cognitive issues can be a blessing in disguise. I don't get emotional about things very much anymore. I just do what has to be done, it's like I am detached from it. Course all the meds probably make me a little wonky too. Tasha does make me feel and for that I am grateful. I love her more than life itself.

Course dealing with my PCP tends to rattle my cage a bit too. Dealing with doctors who won't listen tend to make me a wee bit cranky...

Thank goodness for the MS clinic. They have given me back a QOL I never thought I would have again.

Okay I am not sure if I fit in here or not with my opinion but I am gonna throw it out there.
I surely do have days I dont leave the couch let alone the home....other days I am the farm woman who was unstopable.
I have always preached and practiced...."if you dont use it ya lose it"
Therefore when my mom starts tellin me what I should opr shouldnt do for my own good....and saying she thinks she should sell out and move here.....I hit the damn roof......
I have my 16 year old dd here and my DH I do not need a fulltime babysitter at this time. I dont want to have anyone looking over my shoulder or watching what and how I cook food, Or when I am or am not sleeping.....no one else can do anything bout any of my SX.....
My mother is ticked at this but I just tell her its my life and I have chose to deal with this just my DH and DD and DS"s......I dont feel like I should have to accept her so called "HELP" and dont hink I should feel guilt about sticking to my ground and doing everything I can on my own for as LONG as I can!!!!!
Does that make sence?

This is so interesting to me. It's odd, I'm really not angry very often and I don't feel that I repress a lot of anger. I'm more of an "I don't care, this is just how it is" kind of person. I surrendered a thriving, fairly young career when I realized that I could no longer both work and live at the same time. I chose to live as much as I can, as fast as I can. I truly feel like I've been in a race against the progression. It's practically a healthy competition to me.

For everything MS has robbed me of, it has given back to me tenfold in new opportunities and people. I know for certain that my great relationships and great adventures would never otherwise have been available to me. Work was my life.

I'm not at all thankful for MS or what it has done to my body, but I am thankful for the peaceful and fulfilling life that I consider it to have provided me.

Yes, it makes TOTAL sense FFM! I completely do empathize with how you must feel. It can be so hard for me to turn down help from anyone in my family. Not b/c of ME, but b/c I do not want to hurt their feelings. They do not fall for the old pride crap, lol. I accept their help when I need it, and I am ok with that now.

On the other hand, I would not accept anything more than I need, and they know that is fair, so they no longer try to dictate what kind of help I need. (even tho their intentions are always good, just as your mothers might be)

That is what your mom seems to be doing, although it is probably out of desperation to keep you healty for longer. (I can tell my mom feels desparate) I could be wrong, as I obviously don't know your mother. But, it is either that, OR she is control freak who feels it is her RIGHT to do things as SHE sees fit, and if she does not jump in, you will do it all wrong!

These are just my thoughts, and she might not fit into either category, only you know.

But neither one gives her the right to "pshycologically manipulate" you into doing something you are just not ready for, and you just have to say NO! even though you might feel the guilt will kill you, I promise, it won't!

Alot of people that do "pshycologically manipulate", do not realize they are even doing it, but some do.
Now, I hope all THAT makes sense! lol

AMN - As far as what you said, "I don't care, this is just how it is" kind of person", that is me also. I think the first and only time I even said "Why me?" was at my onset in 1993. I was completely paralyzed on my left side for months. I was in the middle of EMT school to become a paramedic, only 22 yrs old, and thought I might be like that forever. So, yes, at that time I was a little peeved

But, for some reason I just do not get angry about anything I cannot change, or when I can't point the finger! Don't get me wrong, I have my little pity parties at every relapse! Like I am surprised or something! lol

Oh Cricket -- your little "daughter #3 is adorable!! I love that red hair!! God Bless you for taking her in and giving her a normal, family life with all you have to deal with.

Hi Chris -- You're right on the money about "Ask for Help"--"Who"? We know all about the various resources "out there" for we MSrs, but it's the day-to-day, hour-by-hour struggles that get us! We're trying to hold on to as much independence as possible and really don't want someone around 24/7, but at times things come up where we could use some extra help. Then they're either not available right then or else, as you said, they're ready to move in. Bah Humbug to this whole MS mess!!!

To share a "personal" humiliating experience that happened this morning -- I've been having the bladder problem that gives me no warning for awile, then today it was the "other department". Out of the blue .......difficult clean-up and a huge crying jag. So much of our dignity gets taken away. I was wondering where in Upstate NY you are Chris? If you didn't want to put it here,maybe IM me? I've lived up that way in the past and was just interested.

Yes, in a way I've come to terms with this disease and have experienced the blessing of having others care and help, but the anger and frustration appear, especially when something new comes along. Perhaps these feelings come up more frequently to those of us confined to wheelchairs? I really don't know.

Hope everyone is having as good a day as possible...........Gentle hugs.......

I live in Greenfield Center, which is just outside of Saratoga. Upstate.

All of my anger with MS comes from frustration. Messing up underwear and clothing when potty training happened successfully many years ago. Having each attempt to reinvent my life shot down in flames by MS. Teaching a student and knowing the proceess would be better and faster for both horse and rider if I could just get on her horse. Falling out of my WC because I thought (silly me) that I could pick up something I dropped. Lying on the floor for multiple hours because I can't track down someone who can pick me up. And so on. I'm fairly patient. But at times my frustration levels are so high they boil over in anger.

Chris

What a Doll Baby, Cricket. You are doing a wonderful and fulfilling thing.

I think anytime we loose control of our bodies, it's a hard thing to deal with.

I'm a stuborn and hard-headed person and I HATE asking for help. I'd rather do it myself and fall down a zillion times before I ask someone to help me. Yes, there is a pride issue involved. It's embarassing to mess your pants and even more embarrasing to explain what happened when someone asks.

It's especially hard on someone that's independant to begin with and a type A personality. Right now, I can't drive or leave the house without someone taking me -- and I hate that! And, I fall a lot, so I'm scared to do too much.

So...I just wanted to say i agree when you say that it takes away the walls of pride, sometimes they tumble down all at once and sometimes it's layer by layer...

Best wishes to all.