It sounds like you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off
and get back in the race. Was that Frank Sanatra..

No kidding, you need some PT to help get your strength and
mental gusto back on track. You sound defeated and sad.
I hear you and I do understand, but that defeatist attitude is
a downward slippery slope.

Praying for you to feel better soon and help to turn yourself
around.

I did the driver's assessment today. I was surprised at how crappy I did on the cognitive stuff.

then surprised at how crappy I did the simulator stuff.

and then not at all that surprised at making the car zoom unexpectedly in the parking lot. (the driving instructor had a brake on her side too)

She said that I'd probably need four or five more sessions with her on the driving.

I know which car I'm getting now. Not the one I originally wanted and still want. I think I'm getting a minivan. I have a bad feeling about things lately. I think the minivan will make more sense tho. Hope it's as fun as the car I really wish I could get. Too bad the van will cost more than the car I actually want.

It's hard not to have a defeatist attitude. I really do feel pretty defeated. No matter what I try to do, it doesn't help. Things keep getting worse. I'm starting to raise the white flag.

Everyone goes through times when they feel defeated. But, we all get back up and push forward. If you read what some of the people on this board and/or even this thread, you will see that each of us have been through some trying experiences. There are some on here that are so inspirational to me as they have been through not only dealing with MS but other medical crisis and illnesses/diseases. If you pay attention, you will see that each one has gotten up to try again. When you feel defeated, think of these people and how they have moved beyond the illness to have an normal life, or as normal as they can. For many of us, defeat and waving the flag was not an option.

Five short months ago, I was fighting for my life. If I had a defeatist attitude, I would not have survived. Well, a good surgeon and medical team had a lot to do with it too. But, it was my attitude that helped pull me through and much to my drs. surprise, I pulled through far quicker and better than they anticipated. Again, it was attitude that got me through it all. What also helped is the heros I have met on this site as well as heros that are around me. These heros are fighters. Yes, the fight is hard sometimes and you may want to crawl back under your covers in the morning and give in, but that is not an option.

Count your blessings too and be thankful for what you do have. You have far more than many of us both in material things and support. You are able to go out to eat (something I certainly can't afford to do and I know others on here can't do), you have a roof over your head and your own room. You have been able to remodel your room more than once. You have family right there to help you if you need it or you helping them when they need it. You can visit your parents whenever you feel like it as they are just upstairs. For many of us, one or both of our parents are no longer here and we don't get that opportunity. Cherish that!

Try turning your thought patterns around. It's so easy to get sucked in to negative thinking but it is also easy to turn the thoughts around in to positive ones. Once you start turning those thoughts around, your coping mechanisms will change as well. You'll be able to cope with the symptoms you are experiencing with a positive attitude. Life will become brighter and happier.

Also, I don't remember if you are on an AD. It may be something that you might consider. Some sort of counseling or therapy might help as well. You may learn some techniques that will help you in the long run.

No. Not on any anti depressants. I would not be compliant to anything like that. I'm barely compliant to taking baclofen for spasticity.

I've already counted my blessings about my parents. My dad's heart problems are pretty bad. He's trying to get stuff set up to help me and my mom. Apparently I have to grow up soon. I'll have to be responsible for helping my mother. (I don't want to grow up yet)

This past year has been really really bad for me. It's been a constant thing with the MS making me feel worse almost by the week. Nothing I've tried (mostly PT and trying to exercise to build up strength) has worked. At least not that I've noticed.

I did go driving today for that assessment. While doing the cognitive tests, I did badly on a couple of them. Which really kind of shocked me. Altho, I do kind of think whoever created those cognitive tests was kind of a schmuck, trying to make it too difficult for some people.

I have to go back for several more classes with the instructor. I was pretty much terrified the entire time I was driving. It felt really weird. I almost didn't go today because I didn't feel good. That might be why I think I did so bad on the cognitive tests. Tired and not feeling good.

When I was done driving, I felt really kind of sick then too. Lot weaker feeling than I have been. Shaky. I got home, and could barely walk into the house.

Sat outside for a little while tonight, and one of my relatives came over. My dad told me that this relative wants my car. She wants to give us money for it. I don't know why she thinks I'd sell it to her. If she could afford to give me what the dealership would give me...maybe. But I think I would want the cash up front, and I'd wait for the check to clear before I'd hand over the keys. Kind of harsh. I know. (I gave away a car once, didn't get any money for it, and did not care a whole lot for how I was treated after giving them my car.)

I need my car for the trade in for a new one. I decided on what car we'd probably need. Not going to get the one that I actually want. Going to get the minivan because I think it makes more sense. It'll be more useful for future MS stuff, and I think it will help my dad out more too. (he wants to get himself a motorized chair to get around in...and I kind of think the minivan is the car my dad wants. (he's willing to get what I want, but I think we kind of deserve the much nicer car like the minivan. We've had to deal with a lot of crap the past two or three years...my mom's west nile virus. Dad's pacemaker surgery)

Just been feeling very stressed out the past year. My body is really uncomfortable. Kind of painful in places. Some things are better since I started taking b12. I'm dreaming again. My brain feels better. Like I can think easier. But, I think that's it for whatever the b12 is helping. It sure isn't helping any of the other neurological symptoms. Those are actually getting worse. It's kind of soul sucking to feel those symptoms coming at me. Feels kind of like I'm being punished for something.

Amen, Tricia. I hope you're doing well today. You're an inspiration to everyone here.

Erin, you have had a lot of challenges...and it's difficult to move through to get a sense of well-being with all that you are going through health-wise, as well as dealing with your parents' health issues.
Dealing with my in laws the last 7 plus years added a lot of stress to my life, making sure they had all that they needed, as well s going over and visiting with them, taking them to docs and shopping, etc. It made the MS worse, as stress tends to do.

I wonder if watching your parents' health issues worsen adds to your MS symptom difficulties, as well as your mood...stress affects our bodies physically as well as emotionally, as I'm sure you know...

You need to take care of this part of your life as you do the rest of your health issues. Each day is a miracle. I suffer from chronic depression, yet I try my best to awaken with a prayer of gratitude each morning for the opportunities that await me. I also thank the Creator at the end of each day for 5 blessings that came into my life that day. It truly helps turn my mood around! It takes work, work work. My mind falls into the negative naturally, so I do these things consciously.

We all are here with thoughts and prayers of healing for you...

Debbie - Good post! And, yes, you are one of my heros and inspirational people that I think of when I feel a pity party coming on. You have dealt with so much over the past few years and you still got up and kept going. Stress does make the MS symptoms worse, which makes the stress and anxiety increase, which increases the MS symptoms. It can be a vicious cycle if we let it get to us. The key is breaking that cycle as soon as we recognize it.

I too wake up and start the positive talk right away. It really does help set the tone for the day. I wake up and one of my 1st thoughts is, "God, what wonderful surprises are you going to bring to me today?" or something similar. It's positive and changes any background negative thoughts.

Debbie and Trish, you are both my heroes, Erika, Kelly, our little Ali
and a lot more of you, is the reason I get up in the mornings.

Thank you all.

Great words of support from everyone
Determination is a powerful ally, it can be a powerful foe.

Anyone determined to shift the quality of life upwards -even a scintilla- can do so and its a heady feeling, knowing that the power is in you

Anyone determined to remain trapped as a powerless victim will have a heck of a time enjoying life.

I am glad we have the choice.

I admire much of what I read here and get strength from your victories and positive determination

Tricia, Debbie, Sally, Erika, Kelly and many others here are my heroes. I love everybody here. We are a big wonderful "Chex mix" of peeps. Don't take all of the the cheese curls ladies!