You are going to think this is strange but I have to tell someone. I cannot go out in public alone or drive any more. I know why I am scared; I just do not know why I cannot get over it.

The why is my 1st exacerbation. I didn’t know what was going on; I kept falling every few feet, my speech was slurred and many other Symptoms. It started on 1-31. I did some research any knew it looked like MS. On 2-1, I went to the YMCA to pick up my 6 yr old. Sometimes I could make it across the room, so I thought I could make it in and out. BTW, the Y is at her school. I made it in but not out. Emily went through the grass, I fell and was trying to get up with weak arms and on muddy ground. Then out came the principal. She has never liked me; I think because I am an older mother. When she touched me, I told her to leave me alone. She would not and her hands were on my body. I feel like she raped me; I couldn’t get her off of me. I told her I thought I had MS, but she ignored me. She would not let me go to my car. She took me to her office and put Emily in a separate room. She said, “Emily shouldn’t see this”. What I thought. I told her I wanted to go and I wanted my child. No, she refused. My child’s father came in. I had security and police called on me. Why, when sitting I was fine. They tried to arrest me for driving to the Y. I saw what they were doing and stated I wanted my attorney. Finally, they let me go home in my ex-husbands car. I was told mine would be towed if not removed in 1 hour. I thought this was the end of it but 3 days later I get DSS at my door. Ok, No problem – I’m a good mother and I didn’t do anything wrong so I was not scared of them. Ok it has to be over, what more could the principal do. The next day a friend tells me I have to check my mail as there is a letter from the school in it. Get this Guys – I am banned from school property forever. I called the principal and was told I could not pick up my child, drop off my child… The letter stated I would have to withdraw her from the Y, if I could not find another to pick her up. I called my husband and he picked up Emily. I cried almost nonstop for 1 1/2 wks. I could feel what would be Emily’s pain. Emily went to school knowing she would have to ride the bus home. She was told she could not go to the Y or the club she wanted to join. 2 days later I was called and told Emily was sick with a stomach virus. I told them it was emotional, but they insisted I find someone to pick her up. There was no one but me. After much pressure I got mad and said in a snide way “why not call DSS, you seem to be so good at it”. They actually called DSS. The supervisor told the principal that she had never seen anyone try to hurt a woman like they had tried to hurt me. End result-I picked up Emily at the school with a mandatory police escort. That is the last time I drove. DSS ruled in my favor, the police did not arrest me, I have my MS letter and I still can’t go to the school. called the superindted and am told to send letter explaing why I should be let back on school property. Then their attorney will make a decision. I'm not doing that. I think this principal has shown me just how easy it is to pick on someone alone with MS and that is why I'm scared. I'm afraid off falling and being arrested or having DSS called... This is the why – now how do I get rid of this phobia. I won’t go anywhere alone. I am scared and in panic all the time; I do not know how to handle this. I need food but I will not drive. Help please Sheena

Sheena

I can understand why you're feeling the way you are - good grief, if any of us had been treated the way you were I think we would probably feel the same way too.

I find it difficult to understand why the principal felt the need to react so strongly. Is she just a mean spirited person? She really doesn't need to be in the position she is in if she is. For all she knew you could have been having a stroke - did she offer to call paramedics or your doctor? Sounds to me like some sensitivity training is in order for this person.

I've been reluctant to leave the house when I'm in the midst of a flare up - just because I know what to expect now and know my limitations. If it's not absolutely necessary I just don't go or I wait for my son to get home.

Have you looked into home delivery for groceries/necessities. I know of several stores here in the state I live in that offer this. Or call your NMSS office and ask them if they know of any services that might help you.

You will eventually have to leave the house - if I were you I would discuss this incident with my Neurologist and see if he might be able to prescribe something that can help you over this hurdle.

Oh my Sheena. Reading how that principal treated you *really* P's me off beyond belief! BTW, having an older mother is a good thing - my mom was 43 when she had me.

My DH and I both said we see a lawsuit in the future. Banned from school property forever? I think not. I doubt that's even legal. You have DSS on your side, you've seen doctors, you even have a letter regarding your MS. Do not allow this principal to treat you this way. As a matter of fact, if it were me, I would take it to the media - they love stories like yours. I'd hate to think this principal would be allowed to continue to treat others with a legitimate illness this way.

Kitty had a great suggestion about home grocery deliveries. I sure wished they'd offer it where I live. My DH also has a disability and it's often difficult for us to go to the grocery store.

Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

Dear Sheena,

I am going to try to approach this from another angle purely in the hopes that you might still be able find an amicable resolution to this problem, for your daughter’s sake.

Firstly, I need to vent a little though . . .

That principal is the most ignorant, heartless and uncompassionate human being I've ever heard of. What she did would make me so angry, it scares me to think how I would have responded. All things considered, I think you handled it very well, and I'm so happy you were vindicated by DDS. I am very sorry you had to endure such abuse.

Going back to the day though. . .

I am assuming that the principal believed you were drunk or on drugs, and was worried for the safety of your daughter. Given your physical behavior, and that she (and others) viewed this publically, she really had no choice but to “address” the problem with the best interests of your child in mind. The police and security also would have approached it from this angle, at least initially.

There wouldn’t be many other “logical” reasons for you to fall, fully aware/awake, and not have the strength to get back up. A stroke or heart attack would not effect a person this way, and the answer you provided, “I think I have MS” (at that point you didn’t know), was not very concrete. Bear in mind too, most people don’t understand very much about MS, and would have no idea that if we fall, that doesn’t necessarily mean we can’t drive safely.

As an outsider, and if I saw a parent in your condition trying to pick up their child and drive, I think I’d be very concerned too. I would never be able to forgive myself if I ignored it, especially if I was in authority of the property they were on when that occurred and then something happened after you drove away. I'm sure she was thinking of that, as well as what might happen if others had saw her ignore that situation and let you drive off anyway.

So, initially, I think her intensions were good; get the potentially drugged mom away from the child/other children, and try to assess the situation. At that point, you rightfully became very angry and demanded your child . . . and things continued to escalate.

Everything else that has happened since then is probably part vindictiveness, and part fear of your “unhealthy” presence at their facility (falling, suing, people seeing you in drive off in that condition again, etc).

I have had MS since before my kids were born, and there are times I can not go out in public. They, and their school administration/crossing guards, etc. are all aware of my situation, and when I am not doing well, I either make other arrangements, or my kids meet me at the cross-walk. I would not attempt to get out of the car or go into their school if there was a risk of falling, appearing drunk, etc. I don’t feel this is good for my children to have to witness in public, and I don’t need the public humiliation either.

I had to train my kids on what to do in the event that something goes wrong. If I can’t walk, we have meeting places. If I can walk with a walker, I will use it so people understand I have a disability. If I don’t show up, they have emergency numbers. If I am paralyzed, life still goes on; parcels are delivered, emergencies happen . . . the kids have got to know what to do in the event of any situation.

You are very new to this, and would have had no way to prepare for that particular situation. The school has responded terribly, and they need to be set straight. I would do whatever is necessary to get this “ruling” changed, however, I do think it is going to take some compromise on your side as well. For the good of everyone concerned, you will have to agree that what happened can’t happen again, and that you have a plan in place to ensure that it doesn’t.

Like I said, I would have been so mad that I would have made things much worse then they needed to be. But, unless taking her out of that school/Y is an option, the only way this can be resolved is if there is a compromise. Even if you move her, there still will need to be personal adjustments, or the same thing may very well happen at the next facility.

As far as you being afraid to go in public, this can be rectified by ensuring there are no future misunderstandings such as this one. I carry a disabled photo ID card, I have a disabled parking placard, I keep canes, walkers, etc. in my vehicle. I don’t walk much any more, but when I do I plan to walk safely. This should alleviate most of your fears of being in public.

It’s a crappy disease all around, but you will need to adapt to make the best of it.

Cherie

I think Cherie excellently covered everything I might say, except I want to empathize with you Sheena, and share my experiences.

in the past, I've gotten a few of "the looks" from people who think I'm intoxicated on drink or drugs... and once had the police called, when I left the library with my three kids, after falling on the sidewalk...

I got pulled over a few blocks away, and thankfully, was able to pass a "breath test" and show the officer my handicapped placard, and my MEDIC-ALERT medallion.

it made my heart shrivel a bit, so... I now carry a stylish black cane, which has almost eliminates the snide innuendo and comments.

I was handed a card from a woman in the supermarket checkout line for a battered women's shelter, due to the Betaseron bruises on the backs of my upper arms (they looked like I was grabbed and injured, sorta like fingermarks, I guess?)

and once I even got carted off the ski slopes in a stretcher, by sneering and jeering emergency staff who thought I'd gotten sloshed in the bar (it was a nasty episode of VERTIGO)

I was vomiting and getting spin-dizzies, and couldn't stand up... quite frightening all by ITSELF, and not helped at ALL by the attitude of those who were supposed to be helping me.

the ski resort staff wouldn't let my children into the First Aid hut to see me, because THEY decided somehow that I was a bad mother, a bad influence, or just irresponsible... and that frightened my children, quite unnecessarily.

adjusting to MS is hard enough without having it made worse by ignorant and judgmental people, especially ones in positions of authority.

and especially if one is at all sensitive to "the looks" and the comments.

hang in there, and keep your chin up.

Nolite b*stardes carborundorum (Don't let 'em grind ya down!)

As Cherie has already mentioned - I assume it was thought you were on drugs or alcohol.

The whole incident was handles very poorly and unprofessionally.

In my opinion - Write a letter to the Superintendent explaining every thing that took place. Also explain you have since been diagnosed with MS and send along some information about MS and if need be a letter from your neuro.

If it was me I would also express the shock and dismay of how the situation was handled. Mentioning the ADA may also be helpful

Does the school have handicap parking (hc)? Do you have a Handicap license plate of placard? If not then get one or both.

If they do then park in HC parking. Request you daughter be released to walk out to your car because of your difficulty in walking in to get her (remember the ADA). If you don't want her walking out by herself then the HC parking allows you to be closer with less walking.

My children were born after I was diagnosed.

For a few years I had one of my children in a Charter School, the other had moved on to another school. I dropped off and picked up daily. When I picked up I always parked in HC parking - I could always see my daughter and she knew where to find me.

There was a parent who had a child in a wheelchair. This parent felt she had the right to a HC parking spot even if there were cars parked legally in them.

I had the assistant principal come out to my car one day and tell me I could not park in HC because they were for the parents of HC children and I could be fined when the police are called.

I told her I am parked legally and she says "you don't have a placard" I told her I have Plates . Even after she looked down at them she said I was still parked illegally.

I asked her if I hung my cane from my car entenna would that make it more "legal"

Anyway I stayed in that parking spot, went in to get my child released 15 minutes early and then went in to the assistant principals office. I was down right ****** off. I told her how dare she tell me I can't park in HC parking, I have been legally able to park in HC for 19 years and what right does she have to tell me I can't.

I left her office with my daughter still quite angry because I had been having problems with that one parent for most of the school year, she had even confronted a friend of mine and told him to tell me I can't park in HC.

On my way out to my car the "parent" was staring at me, I looked right back at her and said "You are such a *****" did I mention I was mad

The school superintendent was standing with her at the time (I didn't know who he was) he followed me to my car and introduced himself. I told him what happened and he said he had been hanging out at the school for about a week and has seen nothing wrong in where anyone is parking including me.

That was on a Friday. Over the weekend, after I had calmed down I wrote a letter to the superintendent apologizing for my behaviour but explaining I do not deserve to be treated as I have. I go to the school, park in HC, wait for my daughter and leave. I don't bother anyone and I would appreciate it if I was left alone.

I was not bothered again. The school had 2 parking spaces designated for "parents with HC children." Those 2 spaces were at the end of the regular HC spaces in the first row.

Sometimes you have to fight for what is right.

So sorry that happened. Even if they suspected something, I think it was poorly handled by the principal. I agree that a letter to the superindentant is in order. Personally, I'd have the attorney send it.

I wish I had more words of advice since my mom had MS, but we lived close enough to the school that I walked. The people at the school only saw her during events or when voting. I do know that some didn't fully understand and were rude to her at times.

O...M...G!!!!!!!!

I am sick to my stomach! I'm just furious!!! I have a wide assortment of foul language for this woman! HOW DARE SHE! Have you considered writing a letter to the editor to expose this woman? OH! OH! Stupid people!!! Thank God you were cleared by Protective Services!

My Bi-Polar SIL found out that my then 14 year old daughter got drunk once and she called CPS on me too. I totally get the fear you experienced. My reaction was to take my DD and go to our cabin for a weekend....Then on Monday, I CALLED CPS and told them to 'come on over'.....fortunately they never came and they ignored her.

I did cut off my brother, SIL, and unfortunately nephews for almost 5 years. Just this past Christmas, I allowed them back into my life, after she proved she was on her medications and getting therapy. It was heart breaking....but I could not get over it.

You are in a much worse spot....and the flood of prayers I hope will lift you up and give you the streangth you need to endure this time, and know that you will one day be past it.

I also had a problem with a Principle when DD was in 6th grade, I pulled her out of school and home schooled her. It was one of the best things I ever did. I delivered her into Jr. High as an Honor Roll Student....and she graduated a year early at 17.

DH is beside himself; He says to get a lawyer and sue the pants off of them! This is discrimination and it can't be allowed to happen again. Call the ALCU or something!! Get your life and dignity back, and maybe, never work again!! I'm sure you could find a Pro-Bono attorney in this case!!!

Further, I don't see a need to send a letter to the Super, How dare that person! Clearly you have been cleared, you have a letter about MS, your doc's support you....I like the "Call the local News Media" Idea as well. I really hope you put the school district in their place and take action. I think a huge suit is the best thing you can do. Here you've been cleared and they STILL have not apologized or rectified this situation.

SO WHAT if she thought you were on drugs or drinking! YOU WERE NOT and you told that stupid woman you had MS. She should have called medic's, not DFS! Oooohhhh! Okay, Off my soapbox now.

You don't have to suffer anymore....please stand up for your rights!

Dear Sheena, I am so angry right now, I am speechless. I soooo understand your anxiety and realise how difficult it is to stand up for yourself, right now. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of support. What did DXH say or do? ANYTHING?

When you are able, yes, find an ACLU Attorney and sue the hell out of them. How dare they...Arghhhhh!!

Even if the Principal assumed you were drunk, she had no right to treat you that way and for that matter had no right to assume you were drunk....especially after you mentioned MS to her.

I am so sorry for your pain...