[beautytransforming]

I was diagnosed last Thursday. My intro is on the main board. I have 4 lesions on my brain, and have had 2 episodes in 8 years. When I look back at the last 8 years, I have a lot of AHA moments. I used to think I was just lazy, a bad housekeeper, and a bad wife... now I find out that I have fatigue from MS. It was as if I have been vindicated in some areas, and struck in others.

But, now, I wonder if every little thing is a sign... like I am hysterical about it. I started a 2nd job and worked more this week than I have in years. I am worn out and weak today. My arms, and my thighs (thighs were since last flare up in February). I am forgetting words a bit more, and am having trouble getting my numbers backwards...

Now, usually I ignore stuff like this. Rack it up to lazy, stupid, stress, being tired. Now, I don't know where to put it, and if it is OK to blame my MS. I don't want to blame it for everything, and just don't know how to tell. I feel like I am making a big deal out of nothing, and my DH is going to get upset with me for brining it up so much (he wouldn't, I have just learned to be very hard on myself for 8 years blaming myself for all these little things I feel).

Does it get better. Is there a day when it is not prevalent on my mind? I mean, really? I haven't even accepted it yet.

I have an LP on the 21rst. Then I will go get a second opinion from an MS specialist. I am traveling 2 hours to see him.

Looking forward to making myself at home here.

[Blessings2You]

I've been diagnosed almost two and a half years, and I have nowhere near achieved balance on that issue. I'm always afraid I'm going to say "Oh, that's just the MS again" when it's another medical issue, or that I'm going to freak myself out about something and it will be "just" MS.

Sometimes something will twinge or hurt or feel odd, and an uncontrollable wave of impending doom will wash over me. This is it! Tomorrow I'm helpless! Even when I know better. *sigh*

I think the most common question I've seen on the boards over the last few years is "Is this MS or something else?" And the most common answer is "Maybe".

Sometimes I think, "Well, of course I'm tired at the end of a long day; I'm almost 58". But if somebody ELSE says, "We all get tired at this age", I'm miffed for some reason, because she doesn't understand, and OF COURSE I'm not like everybody else.

It just goes round and round until I either get distracted or fall asleep.

[Natalie8]

Hi beauty
Welcome to this board! I'm so glad you are here. I just joined about a week ago. I am also newly diagnosed (about 6 months now or 3 months, depending on how you want to count it). I hear you on the anxiety about every little thing going wrong in your body. Now that you have the MS diagnosis you start to panic and think every little twinge or sensation in you body is from the MS. I know it happened to me A LOT...especially in the beginning. I started getting intensely panicked that I couldn't recall words or freaked out if the wrong word came out of my mouth. I was convinced I had tingling in my hands and feet even though I only started with optic neuritis. I was sure I was feeling dizzy. I was almost convinced my vision was coming and going. You become so hyper focused on your body because of the nature of this disease--esp. in the beginning when everything is new and you just don't know what to expect. I can tell you that this problem has subsided quite a lot for me. I started seeing a therapist whose clientele is mainly MS patients. She gave me a piece of advice that really helped. She believes that the mind has a strong connection to the body and that you can just about bring on all sorts of things if you fixate too much. But it is more than fixation. Her suggestion was if this happens again, don't give the feeling or "symptom" an interpretation. She said that what I was doing when I felt something in my body was telling myself it was definitely MS (my interpretation of the situation). She said there could be alternative reasons why something was going on -- Maybe I was just tired from work. Or maybe I didn't eat enough that day. Or maybe I didn't get enough sleep. Or maybe I was freaked out by the diagnosis. Or whatever. Her advice: DON'T give it any interpretation. Just observe it. Practice sitting with it and saying "okay, I feel like muscle is twitching right now" but I'm not going to give it an interpretation. Again you are just observing what is going on. If you start giving it an interpretation, move your mind back to just noticing it. I swear to god it worked!v A lot of the things began to go away. Now this is not to say that your symptoms are not from MS. But it's a strategy to use to try to keep down the anxiety, especially when everything is so new. It turns out for me that a lot of the physical things going on in the beginning (once I had the IV steroids and cleared up the initial flare) was anxiety. Anxiety or panic can actually cause all sorts of physical and mental symptoms!!! The tingling in my hands and feet, the dizziness, the problems breathing, the word recall issues....all turned out to be anxiety because of the shock of the diagnosis.
I'll be thinking about you. Just know that the first couple of months are so hard but it does get much better. I promise.

Warmly,
Natalie

[sassy]

Welcome but sorry for the reason you are here.

Everyone is different in their MS "ride" through life. I'm sure if you hang out long enough you will see the different ways. Some are humor, sharing, doing for others, feeling sorry for ourselves, letting MS take everything we have, deciding to fight against it, etc etc etc.

Usually the first year is the most difficult to find your way through this maze. It usually is a year of going through the grief process. Anger, denial, depression, blame, and much more.

Be careful not to blame it all on MS but remember also that MS can cause a lot of different symptoms. Also, everyone's journey with MS is different, we may share some of the same symptoms but seldom the exact same as anyone else.

My suggestion is to go to www.nmss.org and learn all you can about MS, get on their mailing list, maybe find a self-help group in your area.

Good luck to you.

[beautytransforming]

**Yikes, too many typos in that first message, and I can't edit**

Thanks blessings! I have always said I didn't want a label because of this reason. This is why it took 8 years for me to get my dx. In 2000, after my hospitalization to r/o TIAs, they wanted me to follow up with nuero to rule in/out MS. I said no. I did not want to know. I survived 8 years without knowing, and with the s/s. Now, they seem more prevalent. It could be because my last lesion was still showing up active, so I have residual, or it could be that I am to willing to allow my MS to effect and affect me. I do NOT want to do that.

[beautytransforming]

I guess what bothers me, is I have apparently lived with this for 8 years and have no allowed myself to think, "MS." Instead, I blamed myself - I was flighty, lazy, dumb, tired, stressed... As I said, in a lot of ways, I feel vindicated.

Now, I am allowing myself to blame a label. I want to go back to racking it up to other things instead (except the fatigue, I am so glad to find out I am not as lazy as I thought )

Thanks for all the advice and sharing with me!

[MSacorn]

Welcome BeautyT

Just take a deep breath and release. There, let the calm in.

I can say it does get easier. You've gotten some excellent advice already. Stress can make sx worse. I tend to ignore sx and that can be helpful. The downside is I forget to mention them to the doctor. Finding your own balance will come with time.

I was dx 11 yrs ago and I think last year I really started to accept it. Not that I don't travel the river, denial, occassionally.

It sounds like you overdid it, and you know it. I tend to have more word problems when I'm fatigued. And I tend to realize I'm fatigued after I stop doing. I just want to get it all done, and this disease is not helping.

I have learned to take frequent breaks whether I feel I need one or not. And usually I do, and am grateful for a few minutes of stillness. If you can rest/sleep as much as you can this weekend. I hope you feel better.

I look forward to hearing more about you and feel free to chime in anywhere. Weekends are quieter, and this place really jumps during the week.

[sheena]

You are not lazy... It was and is MS. I was just Dxed in 2-08. I had no idea I had MS for appox 12 yrs. It destroyed my life and I really thought it was me. It took my husband (2), my house (2) , my job and my friends. In the end it had taken all B4 I got a DX. I blamed it on CF, no one believed me. I was just a lazy sole to them and me. But, it was MS. I wanted to work, to cook, to have a clean house.. I could not - MS took it away. But, I didn't know it. Even now they all think the same of me - lazy... It is not my prob they will not listen, research... It is theirs.

I am MS, I do blame the past on MS, I do have a label - it is called MS survivor. I am not willing to allow my MS to effect and affect me, but it does and I must accept this. I know this, my brain knows this, my heart is having a hard time acceping this. It may never. I will go on as part of me knows it to be true. I have to ---- so for now I will just make the moves I need for treatment..., I will do what little I can in ref to house, and I will most of all try to care for my child.

[beautytransforming]

Originally Posted by sheena

You are not lazy... It was and is MS. I was just Dxed in 2-08. I had no idea I had MS for appox 12 yrs. It destroyed my life and I really thought it was me. It took my husband (2), my house (2) , my job and my friends. In the end it had taken all B4 I got a DX. I blamed it on CF, no one believed me. I was just a lazy sole to them and me. But, it was MS. I wanted to work, to cook, to have a clean house.. I could not - MS took it away. But, I didn't know it. Even now they all think the same of me - lazy... It is not my prob they will not listen, research... It is theirs.

I am MS, I do blame the past on MS, I do have a label - it is called MS survivor. I am not willing to allow my MS to effect and affect me, but it does and I must accept this. I know this, my brain knows this, my heart is having a hard time acceping this. It may never. I will go on as part of me knows it to be true. I have to ---- so for now I will just make the moves I need for treatment..., I will do what little I can in ref to house, and I will most of all try to care for my child.

Sheena, thanks for sharing. I am sorry for all the things this disease has cost you. I guess I have been very lucky in comparison. 8 years, and minor things. I hope you can get to a point where life is easier, and those around you start to gain understanding and be there to help you more.

[sugarboo]

Welcome to the board ~~~waves~~~