Pete, I am so sorry for your great loss. I will share my way of remembering with you as this this something that has helped me. I plant a tree, something in my yard, or a park, where I can watch it grow and some times go to it and remember. I lost my beloved grandmother on Valentine's Day this year, but I have "her" tree to nurture, sometimes talk to and to remember her by. I am glad that you made the right decision to take care of yourself, as she would have wanted you to do. She knows that you were there in spirit. Blessings my friend, Lisa

Thanks to all those who wrote, or simply kept me in their thoughts!
I've been reading, and re-reading, and each of your messages means a lot to me.

Your prayers, thoughts, ideas and strategies give me strength. I appreciate them all!
And, I will use them all...

It's just another thing that this dreaded disease can inflict on us, at the worst possible time. Thanks again for all your kind support! My friends here are irreplaceable, and there are none more understanding!
My love to all,

Pete

Once again..this proves we are here for eachother...thru thick and thin...no pretention, it's our true honor and heartfelt dedication...It is free for the asking and nothing more heartwarming... Bless you, Pete during this heart wrenching time and bless you all for your kindness and love!!

Painless hug for each of you!!

Kathy

This post has touched me so deeply. Pete, WE LOVE YOU. And, we are hurting for you. Thank you for being true to yourself. It takes a great strength to show our vulnerabilities (sp?) and our fears. I feel that because of you I can truly open-up and put my fears into words that will not be used against me.

You have shown me how to trust. I will be forever thankful for your wisdom and strength.

Kim

Hiya Kim,
Thanks for your kind words!
I have a call into my step sister, since yesterday, asking for a return call, so I could explain my absence, to her and her two sisters.
She may just be very busy, but no return call yet...
I'll let you know what any family might think, if anything?

Kim, there was NO WAY I was going to that service, my body simply wouldn't comply! It's like having a car with flat tires, dead battery and a stolen engine! You must be true to yourself, and in that way, I'm certain. Now, will any in my family believe me? Hah!
I've still never heard from my brother, and don't expect to, (long story) but, I frankly have put it all behind me, because I'm true to myself, my Mom knows my heart, she wasn't there, and God knows the truth...

love ya'll!

Pete
asb

Ya'll know......
I just can't begin to tell all of you, how much your UNDERSTANDING, and HOPE, means to me!
I've missed 'Nana's' Funeral since Wednesday.
I've called her youngest daughter ( a few years older than me ), and left TWO msg's.
I'll try again, I supposed she is busy.....

You know, how our Human brains can kick in? I'm the 'Dark Sheep' of the both families, and, the Sister I'm trying to get in touch with, is the same....
But, I'm not getting a return call.
I will certainly try again!

I just feel as though, my A/hole Brother (wheelchair, no pain) caused it hisself, might be bashing me, I AM the dark horse, or / black sheep, ya know?

So, we'll see?

I find it, SO amazing, that ya'll here, Understand, that I loved 'Nana'..
While those on 'My' side of the family would try to bring me down.

I'll rePete!
I couldn't get my feet in shoes, or, WIDE SNEAKERS, (NEW BALANCE),
Couldn't stand up. Couldn't, couldn't, couldn't!
And yet,
there (I'm imagining this) those on MY side of the family,
talking me down.

I held all the 'jewels' of the family.
A lawyer,
and, my last wife,
took them all.
Yet, when I asked for help, all was quiet!

Now, who's to blame.
It don't matter,
TBI,
RSD
TOS
FOUR DISCS
APNEA
AND,
DEPRESSION, THAT'S REAL!

Anybody ever doubt depression?

Don't!


Thanks
for listening!


Pete
asb

Pete,

I'm sorry for all of your recent losses......that of your beloved step mother and the opportunity to mourn her loss at the 'official' services, as well as the control to force your body into doing what you need it to when you need it to.

Please let go of the guilt. The fact that no one in the family called to check on you and make sure you were okay when you missed the services tells me that you probably wont get a satisfactory response when you apologize for not being able to get there. Some people just don't 'get it'

We do, my friend.....and I'm sure Nana understands too

Hey Pete,

I am sorry for your lose. I too was born on my grandfather's birthday, and my son was born on mine. Every birthday I have I still share with my grandfather and then I was blessed to have my son share that too. Don't beat yourself up over this, please, your Nana knows more than anyone at that funeral home what you had to go through on that day. She wouldn't want you to suffer in anguish and pain you have enough of that going on. Write a letter, or have your own little peace offering with Nana, but I tell you she knows. Just let it go, and by all means be good to yourself, that is what your Nana would want. In my opinion, funerals are to pay respect and emotional support for the family, YOU are the family, and no one even called as to why you were not able to show? How about a phone call to support you and possibly even pick you up to attend. I am so sorry your family did not help you get through this. They just don't get it, but don't get angry with them, for they know not what they do, pray for them that they never experience your pain. God Bless you my friend,

Jeanie

I'm kind of 'Dry' right now, or, I'm trying to be, although my eyes are wet.

But,
You are All Right!
I feel like printing this thread out, an mailing it to those who 'should have called me'.
Not, that I'm the most important, not at all, but, my 'my father's' side of the family, I spent the most time, with Nana.
I have the ONLY grandchildren, which helped her add up to 23-4 plus!?
Like that, she haves three wonderful daughters.....

I'm disappointed in MY Family.
They'd like to shove me in a closet, and forget me.
Always being the most successful son, of the most successful son, I was perhaps, not liked so much to the male cousins?
Wow, never thought about it like this.....
Then, this wonderful disease, and others.
Lost Everything.
That THEY loved!

They thought it was for free.
It Wasn't!
So when I asked for help, I meant it!

Ah well.

I keep Prayin' Everything's Gonna Be Alright!!!!!!

pete
asb

Sorry for the grief you're going through Pete. I lost my mother last december. My wife couldn't take the 3 hour drive to a funeral for my mother who she's known for 30 years. My family understood perfectly but her family does not have anything to do with her any more for any reason. I'm talking about 8 brothers and sisters who've I've known for 30 years. And for the life of me I just don't understand why. My wife is a moral, ethical shy girl who, being the eldest who helped raise her youngers, leaves me speechless most times. All you can do is move on and not dwell on those who dismiss you. Your mother knows your heart and that is all that matters. I would compose letters to those who dismiss you and explain to them why and what prevented you from appearing even though they may have heard it all before.