[AintSoBad]

Hello folks.
My step mother died back on her birthday in june. (We both share the same birthday), She'd been my step Mom for 35+ years, and because she lives in FLA, (My father passed back around 92), I haven't seen her much, lately.
She's had cancer for a decade at least, and refused chemo, she insisted on using nothing but prayer. And, it surely helped, she lived to be 90!

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that, but I do have a question.

I couldn't make it to her service/funeral today.
She had to be brought up from FLA, etc., reason for the delay). I went and got new clothes. Ordered some real nice flowers, thought I was ready. Today the temp went to 102 degrees.

When I woke, my feet were all swollen, with my calves, and the pain was wicked. No way could I get shoes on, maybe sneakers. My stomach ached from my 'nerves' worrying. While I can't stand the heat, (I'd have had a heatstroke if I attempted it), the A/C doesn't quite do either. That dam cold air blowing..
I'll call one of my step sisters tomorrow.
Nobody from my side of the family called me, when I didn't show.(my brother, cousins).
(I lived with this Lady for many years, and I was the closest to her, (my side of the family).

I'm having difficulty dealing with the guilt. It's hurting, it's still cranking up my bodily pain. And, of course, my heart is broken.

How would you feel, if something like this happened to you?
I seem to get 'worked up' for these sort of public events, or anything I know is going to stress my body, I lose my concentration (TBI), and I spin out.

A good friend with RSD told me, this kind of thing happens. Not to worry. But I do!
Any comments would be appreciated!

Thanks,

Pete
asb