[cndangel]

Hi all,

Wish I was posting on the board to let everyone know things have improved for me. Sadly, that is not the reason for this post. I know many of you have been suffering with RSD a lot longer then me....but I am hoping you all can relate to how I have been feeling lately.

About a week and half ago my forearm swelled up about 3 times the size of normal. The swelling has gone down now, but has left me with red dry patches that a friend has said "it almost looks like shingles". My doctor has given me a pain cream to help with the sensitivity of it....not finding it does much at all. I can't put long sleeves on to cover it up as it seems to irritate it more. Of course if I am able to go out in public people notice it right away and then their eyes are drawn to my discoloured fingers/hand as well. Some sales persons have even asked "whats wrong with your arm?" I just tell them I was injured at work and there are issues with my nerves now in the arm.

Lately, I am really struggling with the "why me's". Why did this happen to me. What did I do to deserve this? I know its not the most healthy way of thinking. Yet, I find myself constantly thinking that way. I use to be such a positive person before my injury/rsd. Now I can't seem to stop thinking negatively. A friend told me that its a normal part of the process. Almost like grieving. She said denial, anger and depression all happen during this process. Maybe she is right, but all I know is I am sick of feeling this way.

Of course, my doctors solutions are to take more pills. Add an anti depressant and in 4-6 weeks I should start feeling a change. Well I agreed to try anti depressants and do hope they help...but what is one to do in the mean time? I am still on the waiting list to go see a psychologist that specializes in helping people with chronic pain. I am hoping I will get in soon.

Anyways, I just had to talk to people that maybe understand these feelings I am having. I have a very supportive husband, family and friends...and I do talk to them, but I don't think they truly understand the anger and sadness I am feeling. They try, but I understand its hard for them to get the level of pain I am in 24/7 due to this.

Am I wrong for being angry and wondering why me? I just want my life back and my right arm/hand again. I want to pick my 2 year old up again and be able to play with her again like I use to be able too. I want my independence back! Not have to have everyone else do things for me....

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my rambling...feels good sometimes just to let it out and know there are people out there that care enough to read it and respond back...and most importantly they truly understand!

Take care,
Karen

[Teresa Marie]

Hi cnangel:

Just read your post and can tell you those feelings of "why me" seem to mirror my feelings on many a day. I have had RSD for almost 6 years, started in both feet and has moved to pretty much my entire body. Anyway, get all of those feelings out. If you need to, yell at the couch or wall. Write it down in a journal and address what you are feeling. Heck, you've got something to yell about!!! Once you are tired of the tears, your voice is gone, and you can't write anymore (or in your case maybe can't write at all) pick yourself up find one person who is a positive person like you to visit with.

The wall or couch works because they don't have feelings like all those wonderful supportive people you have in your life. Mine are like that, but the pain in their eyes when I cry is just as hard on me as my pain. Now that you might have calmed down, call a derm doc and see if there is something going on with your skin--something that can be cured! Hope is ever lasting! Since there really is only drugs to help lower the pain of RSD and they make a person crazy try not to despair. We can help you at this site because we have the same fiery dragon in our bodies as well. If you are like me, there is absolute no one within 100 miles that has this. So, reach out here and I and others will be there.

Best thing of all, find the best joke you can and laugh. Then send it to others (like me) so you can help us as well.

Teresa Marie

Originally Posted by cndangel

Hi all,

Wish I was posting on the board to let everyone know things have improved for me. Sadly, that is not the reason for this post. I know many of you have been suffering with RSD a lot longer then me....but I am hoping you all can relate to how I have been feeling lately.

About a week and half ago my forearm swelled up about 3 times the size of normal. The swelling has gone down now, but has left me with red dry patches that a friend has said "it almost looks like shingles". My doctor has given me a pain cream to help with the sensitivity of it....not finding it does much at all. I can't put long sleeves on to cover it up as it seems to irritate it more. Of course if I am able to go out in public people notice it right away and then their eyes are drawn to my discoloured fingers/hand as well. Some sales persons have even asked "whats wrong with your arm?" I just tell them I was injured at work and there are issues with my nerves now in the arm.

Lately, I am really struggling with the "why me's". Why did this happen to me. What did I do to deserve this? I know its not the most healthy way of thinking. Yet, I find myself constantly thinking that way. I use to be such a positive person before my injury/rsd. Now I can't seem to stop thinking negatively. A friend told me that its a normal part of the process. Almost like grieving. She said denial, anger and depression all happen during this process. Maybe she is right, but all I know is I am sick of feeling this way.

Of course, my doctors solutions are to take more pills. Add an anti depressant and in 4-6 weeks I should start feeling a change. Well I agreed to try anti depressants and do hope they help...but what is one to do in the mean time? I am still on the waiting list to go see a psychologist that specializes in helping people with chronic pain. I am hoping I will get in soon.

Anyways, I just had to talk to people that maybe understand these feelings I am having. I have a very supportive husband, family and friends...and I do talk to them, but I don't think they truly understand the anger and sadness I am feeling. They try, but I understand its hard for them to get the level of pain I am in 24/7 due to this.

Am I wrong for being angry and wondering why me? I just want my life back and my right arm/hand again. I want to pick my 2 year old up again and be able to play with her again like I use to be able too. I want my independence back! Not have to have everyone else do things for me....

Thanks for taking the time to listen to my rambling...feels good sometimes just to let it out and know there are people out there that care enough to read it and respond back...and most importantly they truly understand!

Take care,
Karen

[catra121]

You're not wrong to feel this way...I imagine most of us do from time to time (if not most of the time). I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I know how much it helps to just vent sometimes (I've certainly done it myself a number of times). I think we all wish we could just have our lives back. It's great when we have supportive people in our lives, but if you're like me you don't want to make the relationship all about the pain so it helps to have others to talk to who understand.

I hope you feel better soon and that the docs are able to find something to give you some relief. I'm not a fan of pills myself...but they are a necessary part of dealing with this condition. You're in my thoughts.

[SandyRI]

So sorry Karen.

My work injury was also to my right extremity. It sucks to lose your arm. You don't realize how much you use it until you can't.

I used to talk to someone (Sandra, I believe) on this Board from Canada that was able to obtain Lidocaine subcutaneous infusions for her RSD. They helped her enormously. She actually sent me the information on how the infusions were administered by her doctors via e-mail. I had 8 regular infusions of 300 mg each before I started ketamine, and they helped me too. I am almost positive that she is one of the administrators of the site on FB called RSD Research and Developments.

I am truly grateful that I still have my feet. I walk on them constantly. And I have a little dog that I take with me. Now that the weather is starting to get better can you schedule someone to watch your 2 year old everday so that you can get out and take in some fresh air? Unless there is a hellacious downpour, we walk religiously every day with our walking buddies. Exercise is truly good for not just the body but the soul - the endorphins will make you feel better. And a pet is great therapy as well.

I truly can appreciate where you are coming from, hang in there, Sandy

[Sonny1]

Hi Karen,

I am fairly new to this new best friend that I don't remember asking for either. We are still getting to know each other and it seems to be a one sided friendship, go figure. RSD side in total control. So I know how it feels to be angry, frustrated, depressed and things that I can't describe, however...I know that my body must have been chosen because I am strong and somebody thinks I can handle it. There are people on here that have it so much worse than I do and my heart breaks for them, even though I have it in both hands. I think about the day I am not going to be able to wipe my back side...um hello anybody home? yea, didn't think so! I'm not much into the whole pill popping thing either, but I do take some. I choose not to take narcotics, I am spacey enough. It is very hard for people to understand this especially if it is not visible like mine. I do not massive swelling, color changing alien invading skin. Just burning tingling prickly ice cold pain. HHMMPH. (had 10 bilateral hands/thumbs surgeries) cant bend either thumb, imagine that!! everybody thinks i am giving them the thumbs up all the time!! I am so happy I found this place, it was like my savior. Even if I do not post or people do not respond, it's ok, I read a lot and learn a lot. HANG IN HERE. Good people to talk to!! You are entitled to bad days, but NOT everyday, so choose them sparingly!! This is forever so as we go along we will build up our tolerance to a lot of things and today will be a long ago memory!!

Tomorrow will be a better day!

[debbiehub]

Karen...I feel the same exact way and my body gets worse with each passing day. Have u tried Ketamine?


Debbie

[Lisa in Ohio]

Hi Karen, I was also injured at work and lost my career. I have had over 8 years to think this over and during that time I have gotten my college degree. I have decided that this was God's way of leading me down a different road than the one that I had planned on. Blessings and peace to you, my friend.

[cndangel]

Originally Posted by debbiehub

Karen...I feel the same exact way and my body gets worse with each passing day. Have u tried Ketamine?


Debbie

I see the doctor on Monday, so I will find out then what the next game plan is.
I know she was referring me to more specialists...but haven't heard back about anything yet.

Take care,
Karen

[cndangel]

Originally Posted by Lisa in Ohio

Hi Karen, I was also injured at work and lost my career. I have had over 8 years to think this over and during that time I have gotten my college degree. I have decided that this was God's way of leading me down a different road than the one that I had planned on. Blessings and peace to you, my friend.

I think its wonderful that you are able to look at your injury that way. I hope to be able to one day as well. It is hard right now though as because I am just 7 months in...I don't know if I will return to work one day or not. But I have thought about the fact if I can not return to work...what could I do instead.

I know my current skills I would not be able to do any more. I work with special needs children and also am fluent in American Sign Language, but because it is my right arm that has RSD....well, ASL will not be an option for me. Which does sadden me as I took so many years of courses to learn it.

But you are right, I am sure if it does come down to me not returning to my job I will find something else that interests me.

Take care,
Karen

[cndangel]

Originally Posted by SandyRI

So sorry Karen.

My work injury was also to my right extremity. It sucks to lose your arm. You don't realize how much you use it until you can't.

I used to talk to someone (Sandra, I believe) on this Board from Canada that was able to obtain Lidocaine subcutaneous infusions for her RSD. They helped her enormously. She actually sent me the information on how the infusions were administered by her doctors via e-mail. I had 8 regular infusions of 300 mg each before I started ketamine, and they helped me too. I am almost positive that she is one of the administrators of the site on FB called RSD Research and Developments.

I am truly grateful that I still have my feet. I walk on them constantly. And I have a little dog that I take with me. Now that the weather is starting to get better can you schedule someone to watch your 2 year old everday so that you can get out and take in some fresh air? Unless there is a hellacious downpour, we walk religiously every day with our walking buddies. Exercise is truly good for not just the body but the soul - the endorphins will make you feel better. And a pet is great therapy as well.

I truly can appreciate where you are coming from, hang in there, Sandy

Hi Sandy,

I am lucky to still have my daughter in daycare at the moment. I think its important for her to get out and play with her little friends. Mom is not always the most fun to be around and I am so limited on what I can do with her. At least I know at daycare she is having fun and is well taken care of.

I have been trying to get out everyday for a little walk. If the weather is yucky My mom drives me to the mall so I can at least walk a little inside for a bit. I usually have 1-2 hours in the morning before the pain gets so bad i can't do anything.

I was working 2 hours a day up until a month ago. But because of the increase in pain and all the new medications I have been on the last little while, my doctor felt it was best I gave up the 2 hours for now. Also the fact I cant even wear a bra and some days a shirt...makes it hard to go into work. I do hope though the doctor will let me go back in the near future, if only for a few hours... I think its so important for me to have a reason to get up in the morning, get dressed and do my hair etc. I miss interacting with my coworkers as well and I miss seeing all the kids.

Unfortunately, the only pet we have in our home is a geko. Don't think they like going for walks much. lol But my husband has been walking with me on nice nights after dinner. He pushes our little one on the bike. Last night I was only able to go a block and a half...but at least i still got out!

Take care,
Karen