Man today was one of those days. One of my boys is kinda having a crisis, he has a business promoting concerts. He had one bad show on new years eve, and took his first loss. Now he is scared to take risks.

My dilemma is that I wanted to help him, so falling back on all my life experience promoting casino business, and my own businesses. Which included lots of concerts, car shows, contests, and pretty much you name it. Plus the fact that before RSD I was one go getter, my motto was "If you ain't makin dust, your eatin it!"

So I went to motorvating him, but he was not having it. It seemed he was more interested in if I am a no excuse kinda guy, why do I use the excuse of RSD chronic pain? He had so many yeah buts, it was like selling a used car. I realized he was creating his own road blocks, and called him on it. He hung up!

After that I sat here thinking about what just happened, not angry at all, but just pondering my situation. He caused me to really reflect on what is going on with me. He is right, I used to be a take the bull by the horns type of guy. Lead by example. Proof that the only barriers are self created barriers.

Something I dearly want to do again, but am I hiding behind RSD? I am not hiding behind it, I am truly not as able as I once was. This is not in my mind, it is physically hindering me. So if I try to go out and show him how it is done, then I will pay dearly with off the charts pain. Heck it nearly is off the charts now with no pain meds to speak of and not doing anything at all. If I continue doing what Im doing, then I am not setting a very good example.

Kinda stuck between the two. I really didnt know what to tell him now. He knows what I accomplished before RSD, and my mindset, so I can see why he questions me about my barriers. But I know he is able bodied, and only his lack of self confidence, and lack of can do attitude is stopping him. There is nothing he has to weigh in the balance before he does anything. He is healthy, unlike me.

So how do you go about motivating someone that sees you letting something be a barrier, when you never had any barriers before?

Part of me wants to just suck it up so to speak, and go out and hurt myself in the process of proving that despite RSD I CAN do it. The other part of me knows that would be suicide!

I feel like Im really losing out on life now.

Hey, my brother, as you know I've been dealing with a lot of pain recently and can only work part-time on a series of posts on ischemia reperfusion injury, so haven't been able to reply to some posts I would like to; but I need to tell you what I think about this one.

Back in the '60s I was an on-air radio personality; good, but not good enough for the major markets, so I began managing a couple of bands. They were pretty good musicians, but weren't motivated enough to write their own stuff. I could get them gigs at bars and even opening acts in concerts, but eventually people got tired of hearing nothing but covers and they faded.

I began promoting concerts and made some money for a while, but took a big loss with Freddy Cannon (he was pretty big at the time). I had a wife and infant son then and knew another big loss would wipe us out. I lost my nerve. I have never worried about finding a job, even when moving to a new state, but I didn't have it in me to take another risk promoting concerts.

Some make it big in the business, others don't. You have to really know the music industry and then be able to predict what is coming next. If your son doesn't have enough confidence in his ability to do this, he may be right. It is up to him.

As far as his questioning your motivation to overcome the barriers imposed by RSD, if he can't see how difficult your life is just trying to keep going despite this disease, he isn't looking. That is his problem, not yours.

Hiding behind RSD? ********!!! We've talked many times and I know the different ways you've tried to find to go back to making money; I've done the same thing. I'm not a failure, hiding behind my pain, I'm a hard worker who can't find any work I can do with my limitations. You are too.

There are barriers that aren't self created. You were a weight lifter, and pretty good, but there was a barrier to how much you could lift. It wasn't self created, it was created by gravity. Even the best power lifter in the world is limited by gravity. If he suddenly developed RSD, he would be like many of us; limited by this new barrier.

Stop beating yourself up or you might end up like I did; losing weight to punish myself for what I thought were my failings. Keep fighting the RSD, my brother, that is your job right now. Some day you may be able to return to work, then you can overcome other barriers. Right now you have enough on your hands...Vic

Hey Allen,

Hmmm, I see your problem; but I may also see a solution. Make him an offer he can't refuse.

If you've had any bright ideas already (and I bet you have ) outline them to him - in some ways, although he's your son, perhaps you should treat him just like any other potential client, and make a good, professional pitch.

You just need to talk - forget the phone thing, you give that boy a clout over the head from me... You need to reach an agreement to respect eachother's deficiencies - you don't get on his case for lacking motivation etc and he doesn't get on yours for lacking mobility etc. I know it'll take some talking, but it sounds like a very good idea for both you and your son. Sounds exciting, if I may say so!

Seems to me that you are both two sides of a coin - you've got the motivation, ideas, know-how and experience, he's got the brawn, muscle and (importantly) mobility. Plus, a viable business. So you complement eachother perfectly.

Find a good time to talk, somewhere relaxed and feel-good and talk around it first - stress his strong points, and yours too...then lead in from there. Most importantly, show him the wide extent of your experience and the wealth of your knowledge in the field - that's just sitting there waiting to be tapped. By him, if he so chooses.

I wish I could say hey, forget the RSD, just charge in there - but that is just plain daft. In the working world, a one-off is one thing, but the trick is to be able to continue, month after month, not overdoing it (if possible) so that you'll be OK for the next ones. You know this, of course.

I really hope he can see the light, it sounds like such a great plan.

Are you still off the ciggies? I kind of wish I could stop (it's banned all over HK now, so socially very unacceptable)...but ...well maybe some day!

Look after yourself, big guy, sending you loads of virtual hugs....your family sounds great, by the way!
all the best

don't even get me started with the UK smoking ban. I'm screwed!

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Allen - firstly I agree with Artist. Secondly, you can rarely motivate someone that doesn't want to be motivated especially if their loss of motivation is through fear of faiulre - the best thing to do (that I have found) is to say "yeh, you're right, you can't do it" etc etc, and then pretty soon they're all gagging to have another go.. bizzare hey? the joy of reverse psychology!!

Good luck - I suggest you get him to try and work in the wheelchair and then see what happens - preferably with having flu at the same time - may give him a slight idea what it is to be "you" and to identify with the barriers you face every day..

Keep smiling!!

Love

the amazing frog queen xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Everyone is right here. You can't motivate someone who is fearful of taking chances.

I see your point though. My kids are dealing with two things going on right now. They have been wanting to buy a house for over a year. They own the one they are in but Travis just got promoted for the 3rd time this year and they can afford to buy. I actually have been looking for them a house when I take my walks and am getting them in to see them. He's busy but those two are about as motivated when it comes to taking chances as a snail. They are also looking to buy another vehicle, again they have been looking for at least 6 months. I think if either the perfect car or house fell on them they would crawl out from under it and just scratch their heads. LOL

Bill and I would get frustrated with them at times.

To me today, I see young people as being so leary of what is going to happen in the future that they are very hesitant to take chances. With the prices of everything going up, at times you can see why. But then again if they are in a position to take a chance, why not?

I agree with Artist also. Maybe you could have him over and sat down with him and you could put on paper what the business adventure might look like if he succeeds in dollar figures.

I am always like you trying to encourage my kids. Bill was always mister negative at times but we always told the kids to do what they felt was right.

You only live once and if you have that chance then go for it.

As far as you, like me, I can't even think straight to make a living of any kind.
For Chistmas my Dr. gave me all kinds of photography paper and the kids bought me a digital camera so I could get out and take pictures. My brain doesn't even function right to figure out how to use the camera. I put the box up with the book in it and now I can't find the box to learn how to use the damn camera.

The RSD not only riddles us with pain, it takes away any semblence of life that is normal. I often wonder if I will ever get any normalcy back in my life. At the rate I'm going, NOT.

No one can see our pain, therefore they can't see how much pain we are in and can't understand why we can't deal with it differently.

My Dr. was saying yesterday that he is hoping this VNS will help me with my depression and therefore help with some of my pain. He says one trades upon the other. He laughed and said he was going to turn it up on high and watch me dance around. He told me to be optimistic and hopeful. I told him he could hold up that end and I'd just try to keep alive until I get it put in. LOL

No one knows what we are going through as I said. Only we know so we have to sat our own boundries.

Don't worry so much about what your son thinks at this point. I know Susan use to be that way and now that she is my caregiver she sees what I am dealing with. It takes time.

You are such a great asset to all of us here and you help people here even though you can't get out and do more. You are doing your limit at this time.

Ada

Thanx Vic! I needed to hear that. That was the whole thing in a nutshell, me beating myself up. I guess when you just dont like your circumstances, and tried everything under the sun to change them.

I realize this morning the little ***** knows me pretty good, and turned the tables on me I dont think he has it in him to do this full time, and was telling him to get a job lol. I thought that would get to him, cause he is very determined most of the time.

I was giving him my ideas, that is where it seemed like I was selling a beat up used car. He had more objections than a 3 year old not wanting a bath. I do know how to make it successful as I have done the largest events in our area to date, and set attendance records that still stand today. Was telling him how to target investor/co-sponsors, and how to sell your product potential to these investor/co-sponsors. How to sell booths to create the needed deposit monies for the bands, and venue. How to price the booths, and to whom you target for their sales. Why the time of day in ad placement is so important, and how to get the radio station to sell you their excess time inventory for 5 bucks a spot because once time goes by it is gone. You get the idea.

I will share one nugget of my success here for all to use. Remember these little words for they are the key to every business, I dont care what it is. Product, Price, Place, Promotion. The 4 P's, if just one P is off you will not make money. If you have every one of those P's on, there is huge money making potential!

Well if he is willing, I am still ready to consult with him lol.

Pat I still am not smoking! I can smell a smoker at 50 paces lol. I also noticed I can smell a lit cig 2 cars over when driving on the freeway going 70 mph!
I really havent missed them, and I thought it would be the toughest thing I ever did. Tried quiting at least 20 times before this, and failed miserably. lol

Well you all helped me to get through this, helped me to see the error in my thinking. I wont let him turn the tables on me again, Im thinkin that is dirty pool on his part. He found a way to get the focus off of him, but has no idea the damage it can wreak on me. I must be a classic AAA personality LOL.

I love you guys!

Dear Allen,

I was having a very similiar situation with one of my boys. I was very concerned about how he was going to handle his career and have a productive life.

It's very hard to put a wise head on young shoulders.

My son was of age. I saw a bright kid not even coming close to his potential. The hardest words I had to tell him was sink or swim.

I am not sure if it was harder on me or him to tell him that. But today he is doing very very well. I am so proud of him. Hang in their, Hugs, Roz xxx

This is what im talkin about! Here is a 16 year old blowing my mind LOL. Sent this to my kid just now, he should take a good hard look at what makes an event.

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Allen -

That is so awesome ! ! !

Mike

allen....you are awesome...as i have stated before your words have helped me in so many ways that i can not count...i also am falling into the deep hole of rsd depression and all it has taken from me...very hard not to feel like you are not trying enough..but when you do try...the pain reminds you why you can't do all of what you want to...i sit on the couch and blink my eyes (like jennie) but unfort. things don't put themselves where they belong....fun trying though...who knows??? maybe one day it will work and i'll share the secret....stay strong...have a peaceful night..linda