[painman2009]

. I tire of crying , I'm physically tire of this pain and lack of sleep. I am riddled with guilt to what this is doing to my wife and kids. Im afraid of the direction this is going, worse and worse. Im tired of no results , of no real forward motion in my treatment. I sit and watch as my life passes me by while I cry and writher in pain. this beast also interferes with the lives of my wife and kids as each day they try to plan out can change as quick as a flash of lightning. I also am losing my ability to control my reactions to the pain I feel. I and crying in pain all the time , the pain shows more in my facial expressions causing my wife and kids unease. also my friends are affected when they come to visit with my family. It causes discomfort among them as they do not know how to react.
I am alive and I "am" grateful for this but I wish i could regain some ability to hide what I feel, pain,emotion. I am saddened of course, I'm angry almost all the time lately . aside from my pain. I get uo and push myself to walk and "do" things. but It is getting harder and harder to push through the pain and the pain is spreading.my hands are becoming harder to use as well. my wrists are giving in between the pain and weekness with is beaching more prominent it is making using my canes and walker more and more difficult. the burning ,electrifying pain in my legs and my belly , back and other below the waste areas, its scaring me . losing my legs completely takes away a lot of my aspirations. I cannot dance now as it is but I wish to still dance with my dghtr at her sixteenth birthday, walk her down the isle and dance with her when she decides to get married. Ive already lost the ability to play sports with my boys, to do the work around the house in which should be done by me if it weren't for this beast. I tire of trying to get treatment I need but insurance denies it , or agrees to partial... Am I weak ? I believe I am strong willed but "today" I know RSD is kicking my ****. I just hope I can pick it back up and fight again.. thanks for listening

[reluctant@thetable]

Originally Posted by painman2009

. I tire of crying , I'm physically tire of this pain and lack of sleep. I am riddled with guilt to what this is doing to my wife and kids. Im afraid of the direction this is going, worse and worse. Im tired of no results , of no real forward motion in my treatment. I sit and watch as my life passes me by while I cry and writher in pain. this beast also interferes with the lives of my wife and kids as each day they try to plan out can change as quick as a flash of lightning. I also am losing my ability to control my reactions to the pain I feel. I and crying in pain all the time , the pain shows more in my facial expressions causing my wife and kids unease. also my friends are affected when they come to visit with my family. It causes discomfort among them as they do not know how to react.
I am alive and I "am" grateful for this but I wish i could regain some ability to hide what I feel, pain,emotion. I am saddened of course, I'm angry almost all the time lately . aside from my pain. I get uo and push myself to walk and "do" things. but It is getting harder and harder to push through the pain and the pain is spreading.my hands are becoming harder to use as well. my wrists are giving in between the pain and weekness with is beaching more prominent it is making using my canes and walker more and more difficult. the burning ,electrifying pain in my legs and my belly , back and other below the waste areas, its scaring me . losing my legs completely takes away a lot of my aspirations. I cannot dance now as it is but I wish to still dance with my dghtr at her sixteenth birthday, walk her down the isle and dance with her when she decides to get married. Ive already lost the ability to play sports with my boys, to do the work around the house in which should be done by me if it weren't for this beast. I tire of trying to get treatment I need but insurance denies it , or agrees to partial... Am I weak ? I believe I am strong willed but "today" I know RSD is kicking my ****. I just hope I can pick it back up and fight again.. thanks for listening

I wish I could reach out and "hug" you. I "feel" your pain, your frustration, and perhaps your fear of what your life is becoming. I have to believe that someday we will all get the help we need to improve our pain levels. Don't give up looking for answers to your pain.

Question- have you tried tdcs yet? It's not expensive ($300) and seems to give some people some relief. I would try absolutely everything that is available.

I have often wondered what I will do as my disease progresses (which it is doing but not to the extent many of you are experiencing). I have talked to someone who is in tremendous pain from a neck injury and lymes meningitis (treated). She has spoken to her M.D. about medical marijuana. It is still not legal in our state for medicinal uses but her M.D. said that once it is legalized, she will prescribe it for patients who are in quite a bit of pain. The woman with the neck injury couldn't wait for the day that marijuana is legal and has found it on her own. She uses it in a variety of ways- smoking, in tea, etc. and has found great relief from it. I'm not saying this or tdcs is the way to go but once I reach her pain level, I'm not closing any doors.

Realize your family loves you and are accepting you as you are. They are probably feeling as helpless as you feel and don't want you in this position. Speaking from my heart, if my loved one had the pain you are feeling, I would feel better by trying to help you however I could. Ask yfor their help whenever you can and know that they will probably feel good to do something for you. I know many of us don't want to burden others but I believe it will help those around us to not feel as if they are also helpless to help us.

I see you are from New York. Perhaps you could speak with your state senator or representative about the difficulties you are experiencing with your insurance company. The New York Attorney General successfully sued a number of insurance companies for failure to adequately pay out-of-network fees to their customers. I think I would fight my insurance company with everything I had left.

My pm put me on Tizanidine for muscle spasms. I take one at night and within 30", I'm out. Getting enough sleep is important for dealing with anything. I suggest you talk to a doctor or psych about your current status. Someone suggested anti-depressants and it's important to find the right one or combination. I think a complete review of your medications is in order.

Hang in there. There has to be better days ahead for all of us.

[LIT LOVE]

I have a history of addiction in my family and Refused strong pain meds for years. Finally, when I was at a low point, my doc gave me a new script without warning of what he was giving me. I filled it and my misery was for the most part, removed. Was it a miracle cure? No. But, it allowed enough reduction for blocks of time that I no longer felt as if I was being tortured 24/7. It was a changing point in starting to heal my relationship with my then teenage son. Not getting adequate sleep is another major issue.

There are meds available that may help. There are others that will make you feel like a zombie. Until you work with a doc (it can take years to try all the combos at various dosages) to get relief, you just can't know what will work for you.

Has WC sent you for a psych eval with a pain psychologist yet? That was another big help for me...

I have an amazing relationship with my son today. It took him years to trust me again though. He can depend on me for emotional support once again. Growing up with a parent that cries constantly, and is withdrawn emotionally due to pain, is not an easy thing.

There are so many small ways you can improve your life, but accepting your new limitations is something that you must confront. Again, having someone to work through this issues with, is really helpful.

[alt1268]

I can't stress enough that you need a good antidepressent when dealing with this monster. It will help with how you feel as well as sleeping.

I still deal with some depression and bouts of crying but not like when I was at where you are now.

Today I deal with the sarcastic remarks from my husband that I need to get up and go get a job. Or that he is tired of working and wants to retire. I feel so guilty it is unreal.

I have tried to get a job, but with no avail. (not to mention, I will need to take off about 10 or more days just in dr.'s visits.)

The dilemina. Any who, don't freet on the future you do not know what it holds. Only GOD knows. Focus on today and try to do something that you havent done. Find a hobby or something to keep you occupied.

[catra121]

I just wanted to pop in and say that I am sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time lately. I've been there and I know how you feel. Last year when I had spread and it literally seemed like everyday there was something new wrong or worse it was very hard to stay positive. My brain kept saying there was hope, still new things to try, new docs to see, etc...but that frustrating sense of hopelessness kept trying to wiggle its way in. I put a lot of faith in one doctor's visit that I waited months for and when it went badly (or I should say not as expected and turned out to be a waste of time) I think that was my lowest moment. I shut myself away in a dark room for a day. My boyfriend told me I got ONE day to feel like crap and then it was time to pick myself up again. It helped.

Mostly I had to reassess the big picture and what I wanted for myself and the best way to get there. This forced me to make some hard decisions and I had to come to accept some things about how my life was changing. Didn't mean I had to stop fighting...I wasn't giving up...but I had to learn to live with the idea that things might not get any better and learn to live with the way things were right in that moment. I also had to focus on the importance of my mental health. I never saw a psych or anything...seems I was able to work through this on my own...but don't underestimate the value of help sorting all of ths out. Sometimes making decisions that will improve your mental health go against what we "want" but overall lead to better quality of life.

The kicker of course is that what is best for you in this situation may not be what is best for everyone else with RSD. You really need to look inside yourself for those answers about what is best for you overall. Look at the things that are causing you stress...things that are your triggers...and see what you can do to remove or change them. Think about things that make you happy or that help you relax and try to add more of those things into your life.

You can make it through this. Please reach out to family, friends, doctors, lawyers, etc to help you through this and to help you achieve what you need for better quality of life and to make things better overall for you. Remember that it is YOUR life, YOUR health, and YOU make the decisions about what is best for you. I know it doesn't feel like it most of the time when you have RSD...but we do have control of many things in our life and the power to make things better for ourselves.

Sorry to ramble on...hope tomorrow is better...always better...

[painman2009]

I wanted to say thank you all for the reach out.. I have been to see two pain management shrinks.. and believe it or not they say I am mentally sound. and there is nothing they see that they can help with. If they really looked they would know Im frickn NUTS. but sanity is really for the crazy people.
I wish I could say Im out of my funk. but I will not insult you all or myself to lie. Im not. ! Im very angry!!! frustrated and I feel trapped. which is very bad for some one like me..I always had anger in me just learned control over it. unfortunately control over showing most of my emotions as well.I did see pain management today and he is taking me off amytryptiline (elavil) and putting me on trazadone...I haven't learned about this drug yet but he said it should still help with some pain but it is changed in hopes to get me some sleep. and he is upping the lyrics. with isn't doing anything for me now. I don't know what upping it will do but gotta try right.. the stress is comp. comp. comp. deny this pay for part of that no more this hearing for that. IME for this . its nerve wracking, confusing, and I lose my positioning. I need a personal gps now.
..I appreciate the words of advice.. its all familiar to me.. lol ohh Ive given that advice before lol..... proof that its easier to show the path than follow it.. so to all that get lost it common amongst us all. Sorry I have to laugh at myself. not the situation. again thank you for your support and helping me find my perspective again.. this is why I call this site my life saver. be well all

[alt1268]

wc is truly a pain in the butt. I have been dealing with them since 09 and it just doesn't get any better. They pay for some of my meds while my private insurance pays for the others. (needless to say the pharmacy gets it wrong every month) Try not to let them get the best of you

[LIT LOVE]

No mental disorder is required to work with a pain psych doc. They're supposed to give you additional tools to work with an extraordinary illness.

[painman2009]

Originally Posted by LIT LOVE

No mental disorder is required to work with a pain psych doc. They're supposed to give you additional tools to work with an extraordinary illness.

HA!!!!!! that is a funny thing.. I guess the dr missed that memo.. it would make it easier if I had other choices or more tools.... but I think I ill bill comp for all of you instead. this is by far the best tool i could have asked for. No judgements here. just real people with real experience who are genuinely rooting for me.. "THANK YOU" from the deeper part of my heart... a hug to all of you:group hug:. ..Right now I will concentrate on tomorrows court hearing .. please pray for me and a positive out come on my behalf .. . ..

[alt1268]

will send a prayer your way.