Things might be looking up for me... and I need it right now. I have had a long time of bad luck. Especially after my fall, my symptoms are progressing in my left ankle and a little in that leg. But Seattle finally called! So I have an appointment with University of Washington Medical Center, Center for Pain Relief on August 7. I really hope they do not just tell me what I have been hearing..."There is no more we can do. Just take your pain pills." !!!! I will die!!! I can't stand just giving up. There has to be something better in this life. I don't even feel like I am living. As soon as I wake up I wish it was time to go to bed so the pain will be over. But then I don't even sleep at night anyway!! So what is really the point?? The only difference is at night I can just lay in bed and my daughter is asleep so I don't have to worry. I have been so stressed out lately I just can't handle it. It is just to much pain. One person just can't handle this much pain and especially not alone!! I can't do it for much longer. My rope is running out and I don't know what to do. And what is funny is I will tell my love ones this and they reply that I should be more of a positive person!! I am a very positive person! I am asking no begging for help and they don't care. Then when I get hurt or something happens they yell at me because I never ask for help! I just.... I don't know... I'm done.

So yay seattle!

I'm so glad to hear that you finally got the appointment and I will be sending good vibes your way in the hope that things go well and you get the sort of treatment you need.

I got so angry when my primary doctor said to me, "You're just going to have to come to terms with the fact that you may spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair." I was 27 or 28 at the time...and that was the final straw. I walked out of that office (rolled really since I was in a chair) and called up a different doctor and scheduled an appointment. This was the doctor who delivered me and while there had been several other red flags in my care that one statement put me over the edge...I was not ready to give up on myself and what sort of doctor tells that to a patient? Ugh!! My mom over reacted to my reaction but I said I was not about to waste any more time with a doctor who clearly did not have the same goals as me.

Best decision of my life and I ended up with another doctor who actually listened to me, what MY goals were, and helped me achieve them. I walk with a walker now and the pain is still just as bad...but I have my life back. It took MONTHS of at home physical therapy (where the therapist came to my house) but I got the function back enough to take my life back and get things back on track. They won't ever be the way they were...but anything is better than being in pain 24/7, unable to walk or stand, feeling trapped on the couch, not going out, not doing anything, and feeling completely and totally useless to the point where you ask yourself why you bother going on with it.

But I know I was/am VERY blessed to be surrounded by people who love me and who have given me the support I need to get better. They never question me when I say I am in pain or I can't do something. They help me out however they can but do it in a way that doesn't make me feel "broken" or "less than"...and that's important for my mental health too. My boyfriend does give me a hard time when I overdo it...but just because he's concerned about me...it's not meant to belittle me in any way. And it's usually something I know anyway...I often overdo it and know I am overdoing it before I even start...but there's a stubbornness in me that sometimes results in me wanting to do something for myself darn the consequences.

Anyway...enough of my rambling...all I meant to say was that I am VERY happy you got your doctor's appointment and I hope it goes well for you. Take care.

Hope everything goes well with your appointment and soon be on track to regain some of you back, wish you well and hope soon relief finally knocks your door, with love Jesika .

I know in pain it is hard not to want to give up. You have a daughter and if you are anything like me you live for her. Hang in there. I know it hurts and I know what being alone is like. I know it is super tough anyway and then to be in pain on top of that. My gosh it is mind boggling. I know that we don't really know each other but I am here for you if you need a ear I would give you my shoulder too but I am in Appomattox Va. Symbolically you can have it. My shoulder that is and my ears. Smile.

I was at a loss for words when the Pain management doctor told me he would no longer see me after my last injection made me worse. I am pretty sure they did something wrong and don't want me to know. A new doctor came from out of town into their office and they wouldn't let me even see her! So we (my PCP & I) found that really strange!! But I don't want to just keep living this double life! I can't anymore. I can't cry whenever no one is looking, try to not limp or look hurt when family and friends are around, pretend that I am doing great all the time, but as soon as I am alone start screaming into my pillow. How does a person manage a life like that?

You are very lucky to have love ones and a boyfriend around you that love and care about you! Don't take that for granted. I wish I had someone to just hug me sometimes and let me cry and tell me it is ok to show that I am hurt. Or to have someone come and help me at my house instead of me always having to go to their house and help them.

I am excited and nervous about my appointment. I am not sure what to bring??

You have no idea what that means to me, to have someone say that! It actually brings tears to my eyes. I need to make sure I come on here more. Make an effort to come talk to everyone everyday! I know that when I did that it helps! Loves to you all!!!!

I always found that just bringing a notebook was great. In the notebook I had several pages:

1. Current medications and doses and things I tried but no longer take. Also any treatments that helped or were unsuccessful that I've tried.

2. Timeline with important dates (date of injury, dates of procedures, dates new symptoms started, etc).

3. List of current symptoms and notes on whether they are all the time or intermittent.

4. My goals for treatment.

5. Any questions I have or things I want to go over with the doctor.

I find that having all of these things with me and written down prevented me from forgetting things when I was "in the moment" at appointments. It also helped the doctor to have all the information in a clear and thought out way. Sometimes they would photocopy these things...especially in a first visit...but I always brought them with and always update the questions/things to go over page for each visit and put the date at the top. It helped to bring a pen with too so I could write down the answers to those questions.

Great advice, Catra! We all would benefit from doing that!

Angelina, so glaad you have the appointment. What are you hoping to achieve with this new doc? Are you interested in a particular treatment? Like you, I have CRPS II in my right ankle and leg, and I'm interested in learning what works well for other type II folks.

You are a strong woman, taking care of yourself and your little girl without help. My "little girl" is 14 and the light of my life. She is the reason I get out of bed each morning.

Wishing you wellness ~Lotttie

Those are amazing ideas!! I should have been keeping better track of my timeline, medications, etc.. since this whole thing started. But you don't really want to accept that it is real, I guess, so I just tried to keep putting it behind me. I think I definitely need to start taking a more hands on approach to my health. Thank you!

Yes, my little 7 year old is the only thing that keeps me walking and gets me out of bed. If it wasn't for her I would have given up a long time ago!

Basicly, I just don't want my treatment plan to be "take your Oxycodone and accept the fact that you are in pain". I am ok with taking pain meds to help with the pain, but I don't want that to be my goal for life. Not to mention the fact that I have to wait to long between taking them that most of the time it doesn't really work. That doctor won't listen to me about how I need to be able to take them closer together, not all the time, but I need the options sometimes. Like days like today!! Where I am having a hard time getting out of bed, I probably won't get out of bed anymore today and pray I can tomorrow!

I am not asking to be pain free. I just want to be able to lesson the pain enough that I can breath!! That I can go on a walk, clean the house would be AMAZING!!!,

I know I am doing better than most, and I am very thankful! Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to get better than this. But I can't keep going this way. If I had support, it would be different. But I have NO ONE and it is really sad. I guess I don't have the best self-esteem right now, but I am just tired of trying and asking and begging for people (loved ones) to love me and care about me. So screw them! LOL I am going to go to Seattle to some specialists and hopefully get a handle on some of this pain, get some kind of a plan or outline or something to follow. Something to give my doctors and I a guide so we are not sitting here guessing anymore. I have two wonderful, amazing doctors. My family doctor and my doctor that did my four ankle surgeries (the last one on my left ankle was the culprit that started this whole mess). I don't know what I would do without them! Even though they have no idea what to do and the Podiatrist doesn't even truly need to help me, they still stand by my side anyway and help me as much as they can! So to Dr. Ford and Dr. Thompson I give you a big THANK-YOU!!!!