This year has been horrible. To cut some things short and to fill others in .. Mum was rushed into hospital at the beginning of the year .. her husband died suddenly in April. In March I suffered severe withdrawal from Oxycodone .. and in May I had my stim fitted, which was useless.

In September my father in law died ..

and on the 26th December this year, our youngest daughter told us that in May, a friend of hers, sexually molested her.

She went to the police and I will post a copy of an e mail she sent to me so you can see what she went through.

I had suspected something but she is so independent, I didn't like to interfere and I was trying to deal with Mike's father's death and my own pain at the time.

She learned on 23rd this month that he got away with a caution and basically the judge said .. this is what happens when you drink too much. No sex offender's register .. nothing. And even before Hollie knew th verdict fromt he police he was around town BRAGGING about it.

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*edit*
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I am now on suicide watch as her boyfriend wont even answer her mails, texts .. He finished with her (not over this) on her birthday .. 27th .. and when she went to speak to him she KNELT on the floor and BEGGED his mother to speak to him and the mother told her to * OFF and slammed the door in her face.

What do I do? I cant cope with myself let alone this? My husband has no sympathy for me and says to stop thinking of myself .. my pain .. my mental health.

If I had a gun .. I would shoot him!!

I phoned the guy's mother as soon as I found out and asked her how she liked having a sexual molester as a son.

Of course the police came .. she understood my call .. was very upset ... GOOD SAID I .. and HOW THE **** DO YOU THINK I FEEL .. I virtually ate those police up with words !! Damn Justice .. where is her justice !!!??

Now I am on suicide watch .. and I actually wish I had never ever had children.

I hate myself for feeling such HATE .. it's eating me away .. have no peace.

Pleaes helpe me.

OOh to add a bit more .. her previous boyfriend took an overdose in March and nearly died ... and life is a bit **** at the moment.

Oh my gosh you poor thing. To find out that such a horrible act happened to your daughter, not to mention everything else you have going on. I wish I could be of more help but living in the US I'm not familiar with your legal system. Is she living with you right now? I think it's important to have someone with her all the time. And maybe if she's staying with you, the two of you will have each other. I would also suggest that your daughter see a counselor asap to help her work through all that she is still suffering from. They can help her a lot. Additionally, and please don't take offense to this because I suggest it only out of concern for you because I'm very worried about you after this post, I think you could really benefit from seeing a counselor too. They can help you work through this horribly rough time and also help you with tools in coping with the pain. The mental health of both of you is so crucial and you both deserve to be in a much better place with it. Again I wish I could be of more help, and that is just sickening that he walked away with just a warning and she was not even allowed to be in the room to plead her case. All I can say is my prayers are with your family and please please take care of yourself

There are so many first steps which need to occur, I can scarce touch on enough to begin to offer help..... so though it probably seems a hollow proposition given Everything your family has endured please know I pray for you all. I have been through so many things like this from different perspectives and found myself in such a deep dark place, that I ultimately realized first steps first, and for me knowledge others are deeply concerned and praying was the most important.

Real, effective, lasting, psychological help came next. This was also bolstered with adequate administration of mood management medications so the tough work of psych counseling could occur to full benefit. Neither alone is sufficient. A hand-in-glove utilization of both therapies to help release the mind from its cyclical trap of "I was violated, she was violated, I feel hopeless and helpless, no one cares, my spouse won't talk to me, my child is far distant removed in her hurt" can NOT be broken by yourself. Each of you: you, your husband, your precious daughter- need professional assistance to work through the ugliness of life in ALL of its impact on each of you. This is not a group get together and talk, it is a private one to one session for each of you with trained professionals who can help each of you separately.

SERIOUSLY, AND IF YOU ARE ON SUICIDE WATCH, THEN HOPEFULLY YOU ARE ALREADY INVOLVED AT LEAST IN THIS HELP OF WHICH I SPEAK. ONLY, YOU ARE NOT THE SINGLE HARMED INDIVIDUAL, AS EACH OF YOUR FAMILY EXPERIENCED AND EXPERIENCES THE FLASHBACKS, THE HORROR, THE PAIN EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY OF THAT WHICH HAS OCCURED. ALL NEED HELP. Through this each can begin to gain grasp on myriad feelings trapped inside as the mind attempts to sort it out, revolving in circles seeming never to end as anger, hate, hurt, self deprecation, feelings of worthlessness overwhelm. ALL NEED HELP. NOW!

Almost seven years our family has dealt with the crushing consequences of the car wreck which nearly destroyed my body, each felt it to some extent, all have needed psych help to handle the issues. Why is Dad is such horrible pain and I can't help? Why are we no longer financially wealthy, and we were. Why are we selling our home? Why, why, why? Then there was the football "jock" at high school, who, failing in his attempts to seduce our 16 year old daughter into sexual activity and feeling loss of a conquest when she FINALLY listened to us about how unhealthy the relationship was... broke it off. For him to "save face" with his jock buddies he spread lies around the school about what a slut she was, unbeknownst to us until just the last few months [she is now a second year in college]. To say I as a father, and despite the little moron is the child of a belligerent cop, is nothing compared to the RAGE I felt over the frolicking manner in which young jock trashed our daughter's school reputation hardly lessens my desire to have jeopardized my legal career by finding the snivveling piece of garbage and beat the ever loving stuffing out of his body [I am big, trained, imposing, and well could, but it would wreck my family].

I had to let GO. Our daughter had to have the benefit of counseling and medication which dramatically, over time, restored her sweet forward looking self to us in relationship. My wife and I will do anything for the sake of helping our daughter.

Back to the family at large, during all of this garbage with which we dealt in going from wealth to renting and no work for six years took a vast toll on our family. One by one we each had to take advantage of counseling, and you know from reading my thread, I was last year where YOU ARE NOW. Psych counseling, medication, and GOD along with the very strong support of friends like you brought my family through very tough times. Our eldest during all of this was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and other issues. His care sapped our depleting resources, but it was absolutely necessary. Now, four years into his constant care, he is showing signs of improvement, and last night I listened with joy to him laughing with his twin.

Decades ago, my uncle, now at last deceased, was gunned down in front of his wife and all six of his children. He bacame a paraplegic forever, in constant horrible pain. The creeps who did it trying to steal his truckload of fruit harvested for the morning market got off with short sentences and went on to further crime. His family suffered. They gained the help of which I speak, and pulled together. My uncle had resolve nearly as tough as mine [I think his lesson was a precursor to my situation, a training ground for me, if you will and I was only 13 at the time of the shooting]. He managed their fruit orchards nevertheless. He invented devices necessary to the transport of his ruined body so he could even inspect the tops of his orchards, devices yet in use by others who have been hurt similar to my uncle. He stuck to it one small step, and one day at a time. His pain aggravated him for the rest of his remaining 55 years, and he was an inspiration to his family AND TO ME.

Days before I was sacked from my legal career, one of my cousins went missing. She was beautiful at 19. In college in southeast Kansas, a dance teacher to little girls...... and a target for a fiend. After utter humiliation and degradation, she was tortured and murdered so the fiend could delude himself into belief he could ride out the firestorm of loss of a beautiful soul to moments of pleasure. He was apprehended, tried, convicted, and due to the gravity of his offenses sits on death row. Multiple lives ruined, affected, and all for his self gratifying greed. One thing true of most sex offenders is their habitual repeat due the brain high they seem to get in harming their target. Eventually, this one who has slipped through a system called Justice [but is incapable of handing out complete relief to victims] will again likely face the offender in still another case. Record has been made of his offense this time, and if he learns nothing, he will find repeated such behaviour is dealt with quite harshly [not to mention what becomes of such people inside the penal system once the inmates learn of them].

But, cycling back to where you and your family are at this point Karen is a situation CRYING OUT for professional care and a LOT of prayer to help see all three of you through your separate issues so life can move forward in a better way. I know, my family knows, our daughter knows, one step at a time, God at your side, we can emerge in a better place far more healthy emotionally if the hard work of DEALING with the harm is professionally handled along with God's help.

If my words ring hollow, my friend, I understand the difficulty of getting up and embracing the need for help. For the sake of each of you, I PRAY you find it within yourselves to manage it. PLEASE! Make the calls today for the sake of your emotinoal and mental peace.

Love from afar and prayers unending,
your friend,
Mark56

I could not add anything to what Mark said. I am so at a loss for words on what has been this horrible experience. I am with you in prayer. Healing from this violation needs alot of help and prayers. Please know that you can come here anytime to talk and be with others who can try to help you. There are so many issues you are facing connected to this terrible act. Please seek all the professional help you can get. I am sorry the legal system failed, and this person was not jailed and punished. Justice may come in another way down the line, maybe not even of this earth. ginnie

please don't stop seeking help
my father stripped me of my natural process
into womanhood and my mother knew
i left at seventeen brutal that he was
sick for certain
committed suicide april 8 1980
april 8 1983 my boy was born
God took that day and replaced
it with the birth of my beautiful son
all four of my children know
i am in council now with a good therapist
on and off all my life
i am an advocate for such help
please oh please save yourselves
with all i have in me i beg
you all for rest in this unspeakable act
but it MUST be addressed
i am near 51 and have been able to
understand it wasn't me
by the way after he committed the
ultimate act
take ones own life
it took my middle sister
who told the woman who gave birth to me
it also happened to her
my what is suppose to be a mother
did not believe me
the two people we fall in love with first in our lives our prototype no thank you
hence me being over protective
a least that is what i thought
wrong
i was looking for God at a very young age
may your peace come from God himself
with lots of proper help and support
it's a hell of a road
but worth taking the leap
God is with you all
someone who understands the horror
i'm sorry

Hello Saffy
I am so sorry to hear of what your daughter and you are suffering

Because of our guidelines, and also to protect your daughter's privacy, I have had to edit out the copy of her email. I also had to change the title of the thread to include a "trigger" icon, warning others that there is upsetting and OT=off topic content

I would also like to let you know that we have a special forum dealing with suicidal posts, where there are very caring members. If you need support for suicidal feelings, they will be there for you
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

I hope things will get better and that your daughter will be able to get into a support group as well to help her heal emotionally from this horrible ordeal

Even though your post was moved, we are right behind. None of us who respond will desert you in your time of need. This is a good beginning, to tell someone what happened. Please keep seeking help from a professional. Life can be so overwhelming when such horrible things happen in a family. Write, seek help, reach out as you are doing here to get your life and those you love back on a better path. ginnie

For your thoughtful and helpful guidance of our effort to assist Saffy. It did not occur to me for some reason to bring this to your attention relevant to the reasons you cited. We truly appreciate our administrative team.

Mark56

I can't say much more than what everyone has said. I am so sorry for all that is before you and your family. Tragic in every way.

I am praying that you will find help and strength to take the first baby step toward healing.

What a burden you all are carrying!

Sandy Kay