my pain like an endless layer cake
it's reached a height it cannot stand straight
the stuff that comes to my door
and sure i have the choice to turn it off
and i am trying
it is difficult because it is my family
my children
no more room
me

As frosting on that layer cake
Covering all of your being
Hope for joy beyond measure
Prayer that you be buoyed up as on a mighty ocean swell
That you be lifted on eagle's wings
And
Sing

Hugging you,
M56

Know now I have lived a life of circumstances
and it sucks
I have no one else to blame but myself
I made the choice not to let anyone come inbetween
me or my children
The children I fell in love with each and everyone
And now as I had gotten ill it has put my life in a black hole
No laughter no fun no love no happiness no future no desire
no family of who I can trust my own children steal from their
mother I cannot swallow
And all for what
All of it
For what
I have no one to share or lean on
No one will want me in this state
I can't even stand myself anymore
All take forever to do anything
That I don't even want to bother anymore
I want to be left alone and just go away
None of my pains arose without reason
None of my sadness is of my wanting
I want not to feel
I am tired of crying every single day
I am so frightened
And so angry over so many things out of my control
And can't find any room to shove it all
It is to overwhelming
While life goes on
Me

We are out here
We who care
And giving hugs

Sending HUGZ and prayers your way.. don't let what others have told you about what "poor choices you made" be your deciding factor when you review your life.
My feeling at this time is we do what we do to make our lives the best it can be at that moment in time.
We can only do what our bodies and minds will allow, SUX BIG TIME! but in the end what we need to know is we did our best at that point in time


zzzzzz

Amen Pooh
i'm also tired of the apologies
especially getting ill
it is here where i can get
my answers
Amen
you take care of you
love
me

More and more

This from my child
Has and is comfortable feeling
like that and I have to keep my
Grandchild away from her
This I cannot allow and have to
explain to my grandbaby a story
Like she's tired and needs sleep
Oh Father
Why
What more
Will there be a new life
A new what
I don't know
The family line will die out
Like a candle lit and it just dies out
It's to painful to watch
What the *u k
What is this that I am doing
Me

Oh Eva,

That is inexcusable and unacceptable. I think I would have been far less tolerant. To behave like that in front of your child?!

What you are doing is fighting your pains and illnesses with dignity while trying to hold together a Family. You are fighting these fights as best you can, and with His Will you can prevail.

Through everything, we are here for you.

Dave.

I Know the suffering of pain that has filled me with fear. The worst were the nightly screams when laying down to sleep at night. Fusion/laminectomy almost nine years ago lessened the screams; but too much pain remained

Fear of the amount of pain medication I take daily; don't see any end to it. As my GI doctor told me; as long as you are on narcotic meds; you will be on Miralax; at least twice a day. This was shortly after removal of rectum in 2012 due to cancer. Do not have bag; but going without a vital part of a normal bodily function eventually leads to pain inside as well as outside. Stomach bulge (like a major league ball) appears to be colon/possible hernia. Additional pain of PN pain of legs and burning ankles and feet.

Don't see any end to all of this; but the one thing that I have and pray Eva too will experience is the love and respect I receive from my three adult children. As much as my body is, at times ready to give up, I know love.

My son gave a toast on Mother's Day which included how as parents we make mistakes; but we don't come into this world with an instruction booklet; we do the best we can. He spoke of the values instilled in them succeeded with them becoming who the are today. (Honest, truth worthy, kind Christian adults). I only wish I could pass this message on to Eva's children. While my body is filled with pain; my heart aches for Eva.


Gerry