Gerry,

You always offer so much despite your excruciating pain and other problems. It raises my heart to hear that your children are so supportive, as it is lowered by Eva's travails - my two daughters are Polar opposites. We all have our struggles and wish only the best for our Loved Ones.

So keep drawing comfort from your family, in giving you strength they, themselves are indirectly helping those you help here.

Be a proud Mother.

Dave.

I too know what it is like to have a child that suffered from cocaine addiction. She has been clean for many years.

At present, my middle child (daughter) is working with others dealing with addiction. She has taken courses and is certified. She has even gone to visit the prison for a few of the younger addicts. She especially works with the parents.

Eva,
Keep praying. Don't feel your life, as far as your children are concerned, is over. As I had mentioned in a previous post. We don't see the whole picture. Eventually, we will.


Gerry

My dear friend

I know you know I know
Thank you for being understanding
I ask my shrink again
What is it with me
And his answer is
You have been through much in life
And I think to myself
Tell me something I don't know
Love
Me

…And he went through 7 years of Training for those Pearls

Really
Are you for real
Love
Me

Dear Eva,

My last Psychologist - the one who deliberately triggered a Panic Attack - said, when I was virtually crawling to the door at the end of the session, 'You are an interesting Subject'. As though I were no more than a lab rat. Never went back.

You, with your personality shining through your issues, deserve words of encouragement, a course of action, possible/probable answers.

How about paying him/her? by 'Helpful words spoken'.

Dave

Today I make it to the oncologists office
My three month check up
Last time I was there he was going to give
me a script for my mammo (forgotten)
Got home called them asked for the office
to mail script
That was three months ago
Now I know how I expressed over and over
again about how I HATE going to doctors
I did all I was suppose to do when I was
young mother how very important yearly well
checks was a routine in my family
So I put off the neglect
Said to myself ill have to see obgyn routine
PAP and get my script for mammo
The office cancelled on me doctor in delevery
won't be in office
This happened twice
Still awaiting for a reschedule
Asked Sue who works for George the Doc
for years
So I ask her to kindly send me script for
Sonogram for my removed breasts and
search for any left over Cancer
I have a problem under my arm and it
does not seem to be a issue
So waking in my usual way from pain
Maybe I slept 3 solid hours
will be starting my day with a cup of warm
coffee strong for the headaches everyday
from neck
Took my morning Meds a hour earlier
as ill be moving around early getting ready
So lets see

I left my cardiologist after being with him
since 2003 because I and a different patient were
scheduled for the same day and time
We were there before doors opened
As the assistant further said that the doctor
would not be in
I collected my files
As my doctor sided with the front end
and the woman who made my appointment
no longer worked there
When I found my appointment card I made
a copy attached a letter
And that was that never seen Felix
My first Meds on a daily basis began with him
My blood pressure Meds and my Xanax for I
would spike 200 beats per minute or more
It's my shrink that handles the Xanax
Haven't found a cardiologist I trust or like
Had my necular stress test before second
Posterior cervical distectomy fusion because I failed
to fuse the first time
This is how I found out I had and apical defect of the heart
ask me if I needed to know with all the other crap going on
Anyhow it is suppose to rain
Management in my building may try and give me a hard time
for a parking space does not have to be handicap but to swap
with those in the building of 300units have more than one
Some may have up to three with storage
Very political and curupt this I will fight

I am on the top level
Open to the elements
And in the winter they come
to my door to move it so they could plow
Now of course it needs to be done
But I told them I will apply
it should not be a problem
My copy of handicap lisence and a month verbal
request
With my copy was a written request for

accommodation for a different spot
I will go to the office upon my return
It feels like a stressful day
I know for sure sounds like it



We shall see
Me

Today I make it to the oncologists office
My three month check up
Last time I was there he was going to give
me a script for my mammo (forgotten)
Got home called them asked for the office
to mail script
That was three months ago
Now I know how I expressed over and over
again about how I HATE going to doctors
I did all I was suppose to do when I was
young mother how very important yearly well
checks was a routine in my family
So I put off the neglect
Said to myself ill have to see obgyn routine
PAP and get my script for mammo
The office cancelled on me doctor in delevery
won't be in office
Asked Sue who works for George the Doc
for years
So I ask her to kindly send me script for
Sonogram for my removed breasts and
search for any left over Cancer
I have a problem under my arm and it
does not seem to be a issue
So waking in my usual way from pain
Maybe I slept 3 solid hours
will be starting my day with a cup of warm
coffee strong for the headaches everyday
from neck
Took my morning Meds a hour earlier
as ill be moving around early getting ready
So lets see

I left my cardiologist after being with him
since 2003 because I and a different patient were
scheduled for the same day and time
We were there before doors opened
As the assistant further said that the doctor
would not be in
I collected my files
As my doctor sided with the front end
and the woman who made my appointment
no longer worked there
When I found my appointment card I made
a copy attached a letter
And that was that never seen Felix
My first Meds on a daily basis began with him
My blood pressure Meds and my Xanax for I
would spike 200 beats per minute or more
It's my shrink that handles the Xanax
Haven't found a cardiologist I trust or like
Had my necular stress test before second
Posterior cervical distectomy fusion because I failed
to fuse the first time
This is how I found out I had and apical defect of the heart
ask me if I needed to know with all the other crap going on
Anyhow it is suppose to rain
Management in my building may try and give me a hard time
for a parking space does not have to be handicap but to swap
with those in the building of 300units have more than one
Some may have up to three with storage
Very political and curupt this I will fight

I am on the top level
Open to the elements
And in the winter they come
to my door to move it so they could plow
Now of course it needs to be done
But I told them I will apply
it should not be a problem
My copy of handicap lisence and a month verbal
request
With my copy was a written request for

accommodation for a different spot
I will go to the office upon my return
It feels like a stressful day
I know for sure sounds like it



We shall see
Me

Dear Eva,

That sort of day would put me on my back for weeks, taking megadoses of my meds!

I know, as you do, that these necessary Evils come to try us at times, it is just so unfair that they have all come at once for you.

Try to rest for as long as possible when you have finished this Marathon. I truly feel for you.

Dave.

making it to my pain specialist
i explain what happened with
the last DRUG ZONAGRAN
and why i needed to stop it
i called the office when i stopped
went through the withdrawals
he didn't seem to
i don't know interested
concerned
explained what happened with my shrink
and bottom line asked him to dispense my xanax
so i begin to tell him of the research i came across
with what neurologist doctor Kevin Tracey
and how the nervous system might be able to be hacked
a very intriguing study and trials in the works
he cut me off and said he wasn't interested
that there have been studies like what i was explaining
what a thought not to have to take meds
for one thing and hope it works and it not destroy other organs
i so f****** frustrated at my doctors
doctors i have been with since the beginning
i'm sick of it
just sick of it
why strip m of my HOPE
oh maybe because it isn't another drug
NO MORE FREAKING DRUGS
so i won't be happy right at the moment
discouraged
treated as if what i say and physically feel
is not in my head but nothing else
one thing for certain
the drugs are kill me also
make no mistake
how i hate them
my doctor stole my thunder
while he'll be on a two month vacation
jeez i'm so angry
me