"Heavenly Father, for the sake of your Son's
Sorrowful Passion;
Have Mercy on us and on the whole world".


Gerry

that sometimes happens
A happy Mother's Day
That is my wish
Mine was with sadness
Not the wishes I had hoped for
I don't understand Heavenly Father
And I have done all I can
Lift my sadness Jesus
Carry me
My day with my angel
My granddaughter
My youngest who left for reason I still do not know
But it wasn't warm and comforting
I was hurt again
But I don't have it in me yet not to pick up the phone
It has come to that on Mother's Day for me
Hurting
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Why my post is connected to Gerry's post
has to be for a very specific reason

Heavenly Father
I have been on hold for so very long now
Am I not the one all come to
ONLY
when turd hits the fan
I have a very difficult decision to make and follow through
I have not turned my back on my family ever
I have done for my family
With no conditions

Here I am now
At my weakest
My family understands I cannot do certain things for myself anymore no matter how much I try
I have do for everyone before I could do for myself
Do I need to fall break my bones for them to understand
I cannot do certain gosh darn things
I need a hair cut so badly
forced to let it grow
Forced into change
Not a word from my daughter Corissa who is in the hospital with a kidney infection
Having had unprotected sex now with men and women
I don't get it
How is sex in the minds of today's children the way to find out if you are gay or not
Having sex does not make that determination
It is the MIND SPIRIT WHO ONE REALLY IS
I have many reasons to worry now
My daughters father thinks this is nothing to be concerned about
he hasn't called me with information on Corissa
I call the program I had her put into when I took her out of school
Heavenly Father
Can you please take care of my very very sick child
It upsets me to no end
Her eldest sister my daughter and her husband
Turned Corissa on to a joint Nd lit it up to celebrate her birthday
Heavenly Father
I have many reasons to worry
She has a addictive personality
And I expressed to the counselor
And she will reach out to Corissa
She will keep me informed
I'm going on and on
I don't know if I'm coming or going
Two
Not one but two of my kids in the hospital
How can this be
Heavenly Father
Scoop me up
Don't let me go
Help me
Help myself
I hurt so badly
How do I not think about it all
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Let me not complain about my sadness
I cannot get this horrible feeling out of my being
It hurts so badly
So badly
I have nobody to turn to that can console me
Please Heavenly Father
Make it all go away
Don't let it eat at me
I don't want to go on
It doesn't feel like it will be much better
Not for this lady
Not happened in a long time
A long time
My father committed suicide
Why
Why did he do that

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Blessings I receive I thank you for

It is hard to think that even in this very hard time
I cannot make it
The loneliness is something I am not used to
Is this You telling me to be still
Have You taken over the wheel
Have You felt my pain
Did You come to lift it
Alone I am
My children I do not understand
My eldest and I arguing over the situation
with her sister my youngest
She is not okay
Sickle cell trait
Kidney problems as a infant right side 1/2 removed
Second sugery removing what was called the mega stump
as she still had problems
Now a 99.999% chance my children have it
My son I just found out through my eldest yesterday
He is NOT taking his meds for his bi-polar disease
I beleive a direct result of the mutation
He still yet to be tested
My eldest will have the epilectologist test her
after a huge fight of the importance of being tested
She finally submitted to the idea of being tested
Releaved yes
Yes if course
Heavenly Father
My third child on a road the just
goes in circles
She is not interested in getting a proper job
What is a proper job
Anything that would not allow her to get high
Heavenly Father
I cannot do this alone
Of You I spoke of
To my eldest
She talks about me being prideful
I express I have You how brought me this far
I hope not to fail
As I cussed You yesterday
Forgive me
Help me I was dead
Dead
I just want to die
that I do not want this pain anymore
My dear sister who is not a mother
however in my children's lives
She was the one to take them to the carnival
action park
Great adventure
The shore
The movies
You name it she did it with them
They went without wanting
We I as their mom made sure they were involved in school activities holding excellant grades
It is a travesty what the father of my children did when we split
Young I was with my babies alone
Nobody knew for three months
Nobody
Not even the owners of the building
Mr and Mrs Tambone
Long time passed
We're in love with me and my babies
And life alone with my babies
Having to return to a full time job
So I could get the help promised by my
mother
Come take the apartment
Knowing I would take care of everything
OCD a wonderful thing for her
My rewards since I could remember
Love = taking care of the family and order in the home
I was constantly cleaning something
Organizing something
Or the projects I did for my parents
No child should have to work for love
My sisters I protected from my father
Or so I thought I was
Where is my God as a young mother
Pride
No
Experience
Yes
Educated in uncharted waters
Yes
Pride
No
No
Not the kind person I would want in my life
Today's world is loosing touch with the simple things in life
How much change in just my children's generations
Keeping You close to me throughout my lifetime
Who is always there ready for me
Allow me to humble myself
Forgive my shortcomings
Stay strong in my head
Do not let my mind roam into the thoughts of
any sadness or fear
I have reason to worry
You are my Savior
My everything
I did not get to where I am alone
You carried me when I couldn't walk
You are real
Your promised real
Your Son real
My heart real
My mind yours
My soul yours
Do with me as You would like
Heavenly Father
Lift my sorrow over my children
I do not understand
I do not know why
I have always known better
You instilled that in me
To all those who claim to be my friends
This I do not have
The ability to trust
As when I try
The rug gets pulled from under me
I am aware of my blessing
The songbird sings instinctively the beautiful tune
one belts out
The trees with the leaves to the tip top of them
sway and talk to one another as they sway in harmony
I am not a failure
I am not a mistake
I am not a doormat
I am not without God
I do have confidence
Not arrogance
My loving sister is food shopping for me
Bless her day with your loving touch
Give her what I would love her to have
Your touch
In Jesus I trust
I God I believe
Love
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for the blessings you give

In this sad time I my life
I have The Lord to run to
In this trying time
I have The Lord to walk to
In this painful state
I have The Lord to crawl to
In my love of the thought this family heal
I have The Lord to turn to
In my tearful state every morning every night
I have The Lord to lift me up
In my fear
I have The Lord to hold me tight
In my desire to find love to experience love to wonder of love
I have The Lord to hear my prayers
To have that someone to hold me and say "everything will be okay"
I have The Lord to fill in while I be gifted by The Father as he sees fit
I have The Lord I was promised freedom through him

I have Jesus Christ to guide me
And The Father bestow blessings as he sees fit

Heavenly Father
Bless this life we are given
The moment we took our first breath
And it to be taken by You
When You call us Home
It is a promise
I believe
Love one another
Love
Me

Yes Eva
You have He who can heal all ills
Run to His open arms
Of grace
Of love
Of joy
Of peace
For it is only in His divine embrace
Life, with all of its hardship
Can be endured
You
And your family
Have endured much
I pray you be showered with infinite blessings
Drenching your soul
In love
M56

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

To thank You for blessings bestowed

I am killing myself
The sadness is so cold
The house so empty
I have no strength
My back hurst so badly
To the touch
Just the air alone
It hurts so badly
Fill my heart with You
I pray You help guide me
I pray You hear me
I pray You will protect me
I pray for it to stop
I pray You heal me
I pray to laugh
I pray for no more sadness
It is killing me
You know all Heavenly Father
Heal me
Please
Come to me
Help me help myself
I am left alone
Because I have been let down by all who say they care
Now when sick
Nobody is around
Nobody to take of me when I need help
Even in the hardest times
Eva is getting older
Ready to start school in September
Who will step up
I have made the arrangements for her to be registered in the town I moved from 46 years
All new schools built
All new technology

I cannot stop the tears
It is everyday
Throughout the day
Anybody who goes through this
Is NOT well
And I must fight the fight
It is so hard
So hard
Pain has a hold on me
All kinds
Not just one
So done
So want to just melt away
Like an ice cube
No flavor
No color
You can't see it
When it melts and dries up
Me

Dear Eva-

The depth
Of your pain
Of those hurts
Of the disappointments
Clearly nears a crest which might overwhelm
Yet
There are those, like Ger and others, yes me
And we pray that you not feel alone
That you not be alone
But that there be shoulders which come alongside
And help you to heft the weight of sorrows
You should be blessed to help with all needs
For this I pray

M56

I come here and ask
Thank You Heavenly Father for the blessings right in front of me
Cloth me with You
Allow me to get stronger
I am needed
I will hope to be with my youngest
In the next two days
It is here I get unconditional blessings
Persons who have been with me from the beginning
A good few years now
So much has happened since then
Looking for information of my disease
I have come to meet such beautiful persons such as yourself
And dear Gerry
To know true serenity
Is turning it ALL over
That I do not have any control over anything
Just what I have to offer
I talk with Heavenly Father all the time
I have learned much of about myself
Not being a part of society
How the disable are treated
Even by our own family
I seems I need to bleed
for them to get it
The bruises on my hands and feet aren't enough
I have always taken care of myself
It is getting harder and harder
They are not in my private world
But to have my feet rubbed
Who wouldn't welcome that
To have my back rubbed
Who wouldn't love that
To have my hair brushed
Who wouldn't want that
To have a hug and it be felt
Warm and not hurt
To be kissed on my head
Just because
To be liked
Because I am real
Heavenly Father
I am a sinner
In Jesus Christ I trust
In You I believe
Cloth me in You
I am not feeling well
I want to handle myself
So I may be available for them
And now I need them
It stinks
I don't like what is playing in my head
I know what I feel
I am scared of the pain
I don't want it to hurt
I have hurt to hard too long
For others
I give myself to You Heavenly Father
Know my heart
Hold it in Your hands
Love you all for the support
You all feed me the Faith I must have
In the Father
With much love
Me