hello all

i'll keep it short
my pain is way out of control
still have to get cat-scan
then see the man
had to give myself additional dose of meds
as yesterday while out and taking care of business
had made a call to pain specialist before taking them
i cried like a baby out in public
how sad is that
people kindly asking are you alright
couldn't wait to get home and lay down
mentally can't even begin with that
but know i am very angry coupled with enormous pain
pain all over not a good combo
did some homework on pain pump
just another operation?
what went wrong???
it wasn't ANYTHING like this!!!!
something went terribly wrong
and continues getting worse by the day

have a feel good day

Dear eva, I am sorry your pain level isn't good. You are right that anger and pain don't go together very well. Am I correct that you have a pain pump? Did something go wrong with your last surgery? Go in to see the doc. don't sit and suffer. Cry in front of him or her, that is OK. I also know what it is like to cry in public. People can be kind. I will hope and pray your pain levels go down where you can feel human again. ginnie

bless your heart, i haven't ventured into that yet it is my pc doctors recommendation
so many things going on
doing homework on it
for now pain doctor up my pain meds
hurts doing simple things
sorry being so descriptive
difficult sitting on potty

i'll keep in touch

much love

I sincerely hope you get some relief. I had spinal fusions and I do know about that kind of pain. I hope you get the right direction and don't have to go through the surgery. That is a last resort to do that anyway. My pain was not controlled at all with infusions of katamine, and pain meds. I had to have some surgery and it isn't easy. Of course living in pain isn't easy eithor. You be decriptive all you want to. That is why neruo talk exists. I am glad to listen. ginnie

wound up in bed sick
meds tend to do that
my body wants to rid of them
managed keeping them down
ate some yogurt along with grape nuts
seemed to settle my stomach
took enough pain away
that allowed some need sleep
wasn't much
it was somewhat solid
but the creepy dreams i can do without
go up earlier than i would like 4:50 a.m.
so the clock told me
it was pain that had me stirring
laid there for an hour
just until corissa my daughter
had to get up for school
had yogurt with some cereal
took my meds only to
see the rain outside
sure that has much to do with the heightened pain
another day to conquer
as the days go on by
i find rather then healing
it is becoming unbearable
i have a job waiting for me
i am on my third leave no pay
and i mentioned before ssd isn't cutting it
my third request for leave
my job began a threat taking away
my insurance that too was a disruption
i took care of business
uncalled for harassment
but reinstated never-the-less
in writing
but as time goes by
i wonder will my life
as it is now not working
it's a major part of my life
and livelihood
these surgeries did me no good
made it worse
again i fell i was a good chance to make $
his (my surgeon) behavior is just
so nonchalant
way not cool
i'm the oldest of three
my middle sister 2 years younger than myself
started first then myself right behind her
when we came into America i was 5
my sister and i were deemed calcium deficient
telling this to all 10 or 12 doctors
was not a concern
i have had all kinds of blood work done
as my sister has
no real red flags
i will venture into the Big City
5 minutes to get into NYC a specialty hospital
bone ortho nerves and so on where my sister has her doctors
name of hospital escapes my mind
don't know how long till
i loose it all together
my passion in all my life is
or shall i say was cooking
so between missing my dog
and not able to cook my yummy meals
crap this just sucks big time
hoping for some relief tomorrow
get results from biopsy


thanks for listening
and allowing me to let loose

wish all a feel good day

[Dear Eva,
I am listening to you. I do hear what you are saying for sure. I was wondering if you can get help with sleeping. My doctor gave me zanax, which allows me to sleep even with pain, then there is less pain when I wake up.
You need more relief than what you are getting, if the quality of life is that bad. Are you on anti-depressants? Also could you please tell me what your medical condition is, Your back or neck? The unrelenting pain can make life unbearable. I am sorry you had to give up cooking. I had a 30 yr. business where I was an artist and traveled all over the country. I know about loss. That in itself is hard to cope with. I miss what I was as you do. Do you go to an actual pain specialist? Not just a PCP. What surgery have you had? Are you in a position that you are thinking about more? There has to be a way to make you more comfortable, especially as you have a daughter getting ready and all in school. Not being able to function well, has to be most difficult for you. I am here, and I will continue to listen, and maybe I can help you to figure out what to do to get some more help. Have faith, keep trying. ginnie

Oh Eva, it just keeps getting worse and worse for you. I feel so bad for you. You have friends here to listen, I know its hard coping with this pain alone, and you need someone to listen and understand.

I wish you would consider a sleep aid, I have to take one to sleep through the pain also, and lack of sleep really does make everything so much worse. Your body needs sleep to heal, and you aren't getting that.

I know when I am overtired, I react differently to pain, anxiety, life, I myself tend to make my stress much worse when I'm tired.

I understand missing your work and life. I'm going through the same anxiety and stress about not being back to work yet. I feel so guilty that I am still off work even though I know I'm not physically able to do my work. It's that loss of feeling important and needed, feeling like your life has a purpose.

My husband is very good at reminding me that my JOB right now is healing. It is my full time job to go to physio, do my stretches and exercises, follow doctors orders, rest and allow my body to heal. And that is your job right now too. You need to just allow your body to try and get over all these horrible invasions from surgery.

Please try to get some rest. Have you tried to meditate? I find that deep meditation is a very good way for me to get through really intense pain. It takes some practise, but if you practise anyone can do it. Find whatever the most comfortable position is for you, and focus on your breathing, clear your mind from wandering and focus on your breathe and heartbeat. Even if you can only manage 3 mins at first, it will help. There are lots of great websites on meditation also. Try it, it can't hurt, and I wish it would help you even just a little.

Take care my friend.
Wishing you less pain and more healing.
Cathie

dear cat

i fear taking anymore meds
i speak to my head psyc doc
he is fully aware of my problems sleeping
he also tells me i am taking many problems to bed with me
anger and pain are way up there in many ways
i do stop and allow myself time to just paying attention to myself
today i can hopefully ease my mind with some good news
my daughter will be with me whatever the results are
till then thanks for the support.
hope kitty is helping
i miss olie
how are you doing after your fall
felling better i hope
you take care as well my friend


thank you
hope you fell the holiday spirit

Pain is unbearable and just makes you more depressed.
Learn guided meditation and imagery.
Do whatever it takes to get sleep, even if it means ambien or something like that. without sleep you can't heal.
If you are religious, pray.
And learn as much as you can, and a second opinion may help.
Good luck.

dear friends

i posted in womens health

my biopsy has come in

breast cancer early stage

this blows

have you guys i can lean on

talk with you soon