I need to get my thoughts down... and this is where I feel safe...

so please bear (bare ) with me as my thoughts are very scrambled... and I'm confused and lost and those beat-me-up feelings are at the forefront...

I was just let go from my latest job. I will not go into all the details here... but in the month that I was there I witnessed sexual harrassment, disrespect towards women, disrespect towards his employees and prejudice against clients (usually Asian).

About a week ago I stood up to my boss (the "abuser") and told him that he was very disrespectful to me and I didn't find his yelling and negative re-enforcement acceptable. Today, his partner, my other boss (a woman who refers to herself as Mrs.... so and so... very old fashioned)... asked me what I thought of the job... I told her I loved it and looked forward to it every day... but ... there is a but... I found Ali's treatment towards me very disrespectful... and I needed to let her know that he has hardly talked to me for a week.... (it turns out he never talked to her about it!).... she was very "sweet" but said that they were like a family there and we all have to get along. I agreed wholeheartedly and said I watched how she handled him and thought that I could learn to "let it go"... we went on to discuss some other aspects of the job....

... enough said...

I think she then talked to him.... (by the way, both his wife and daughter work there too... they all fight and argue... and he treats them with great disrespect)

.... since my Mom died a year ago January, I have lost (been let go) 3 jobs. Each of these jobs came at a time when I needed them... and each were not very "healthy" jobs for me.

Here come the beat-me-up thoughts... what's wrong with me that I can't accept /ignore what I deem as inappropriate behaviour?


I made an appointment with my doctor right away... I need therapy to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.... tomorrow afternoon

am I choosing the wrong type of jobs for me....

or is it ME? that's the problem... why can't I just close a blind eye.... keep my bloody mouth shut.... do my freaking job...

then leave.

You know... my husband was very disrespectful to me... ... and so for 22 years... I put up with it... my sons are disrespectful to me...

and I think... what the heck... this is all so sad... and I know I need therapy... to let this all go....

and quit blaming myself...

and learn some ways to deal with it...

gather around me my friends... I need you right now.

(((Addy))) Dr.Phil always says that we teach people how to treat us. I think you have decided, and rightly so, that you aren't going to put up with it anymore....you deserve better and I hope he learned something.
I've "known" you a lot of years and we have seen each other grow and change. Sometimes we pay a very high price for our actions...I admire your standing up for the right thing. I think you are a hero for doing so.

"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."

-Christopher Reeve

OH my gosh, thank you SO MUCH Alffe!!!!

I've spend the last couple of hours:

vacuuming

feeding myself

ruminating over and over ... and actually coming up with some positive feelings about how things happen for a reason.... another opportunity will present itself... ... and when the negative thoughts come in... I feel them and analyze them ... my guts roll a bit but I'm handling it...

called my x-boss and asked that she please mail my last check as she'd offered (when I left I told her I'd be fine to pick it up on Monday but more thought made me realize it wouldn't be a good idea to go back there )
.........
Alffe! You and I and so many others here have been through so much with together!
I love how good you are for me... you are the very definition of FRIEND!

Oh ((Addy)), there is nothing wrong with you! When I read your post where you had spoken up to your boss, I thought..."You go girl!" There is no reason to put up with bad behavior. You did the right thing.

Now the ruminating about it is a whole different story! Wish you could come here to see my wonderful therapist.

You did nothing wrong dear friend, nothing. I hope your therapy goes really well!

This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
-Shakespeare-Hamlet

i am so sorry you lost your job. it sounds like you worked inside a good ole boy type network. we have those in texas and i have experience with disrespect and discrimination.

although i hardly ever questioned what was wrong with me i did have friends who assumed there must be something wrong with me. i try to see myself in other people's eyes but it's tough. instead of not being on the same page i am often not on the same planet. maybe therapy will help you understand these good ole boys and relieve some of the stress. i don't know what will make them understand you.

it is disconcerting when even your friends think something is wrong with you. for me this passed as i eventuually found a good job where i am appreciated as i am. that is the best outcome in employment. i wish this for you addy.

Nothing wrong with you for not being able to accept or ignore the type of behaviour that you described. I wouldn't either. None of us should. Some people do, but I can't either.

You see, the problem with accepting (which is impossible really isn't it) or even ignoring is that people will continue to treat you and others in a way that is wrong.

I guess the main problem is that the perpetrators don't get it and never will.

That's the problem.

I've been having these real-estate (tenant) problems with where I'm living and I ended up spilling it all out there because I got so sick of ignoring it and smiling and acting nicely just so I could get on with my life in peace.

I wrote a post recently about my needing to do some assertive training. lol I was serious. I have been letting people treat me like a doormat, just because I couldn't confront people with issues affecting me deeply.

I think there's a balance, but I'm usually living on the side of silence. That's not good either.

We have laws here with regard to workplace harassment but I heard some things from a woman who lived in my street about the way she was treated at work and it was totally disgusting. She said "ahh, it's the industry I'm working in", as if that was an excuse. When questioned about how she had dealt with what they'd done, she said she didn't know what to do so she played along with it.

It's NEVER ok.

It's hard situation Addy.
People need their job so much and I know you do and I know you have a great work ethic but there are some things which are just not right, whether it's in the workplace, at home or anywhere and I am sorry I don't really have a one-liner answer for you

Addy, you are SO my hero. You stood up for yourself and you paid the price...but the price was worth paying. You are strong and smart and I am in awe of how cool you are.
I told my boss when we first started working together that I had been abused all of my childhood and it was NEVER going to happen again.I won't be disrespected or taken advantage of or talked to in a derogatory manner. In return, I will never treat anyone else that way.
We get along just fine now. LOL. He needed to know my boundaries and I needed to know his. It makes things so much easier.
Keep going, Addy... the job that is looking for you is out there...waiting for you to find it.

Of course you did the right thing, and there is nothing wrong with you Addy.

If I had seen that happen, I'm sure I would have called them on it, (though I doubt I'd be so civil about it). I have trouble holding my tongue when people are just being jerks, but sexual harassment is definately over the line. If it were me I'd try to file a law suit for it, or even for wrongful termination. (not saying that you should)

Having principles is a virtue; never a vise. It takes courage to do what you know is right dispite personal risk. To give up your principles is to give up your identity; to give up your very soul.

Don't give in because the ignorant and the arrogant want you to.

I hope you find a better place to work soon, you deserve it.

Addy, I don't know where you stand with religion and all that, but I'll tell you something that's helped me a lot. I've ALWAYS....all my life....been put down by "some people". A parent of mine (pre-adoption at 17) always told me that I was fat, ugly and stupid...that became a constant mantra in my mind because I heard it so often. Eventually I came to even say it to myself.

Somewhere along the line, I heard someone tell me that I belonged to God and He has NEVER made junk. I got to the point in life when I began to tell myself all the time that I was fat, ugly and stupid and, after hearing the comment about God not making junk, I stopped right in my tracks and began to tell myself that I might FEEL like junk....but it was impossible because, even at that time I wasn't so sure about God and everything else, it could be true.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that, even though we feel very negative sometimes about ourselves, we have to turn that around and tell ourselves that we ARE good. No stinkin' thinkin'....I don't even know you and I think the world of you. So there!!!