Having an ADD 10th grader myself i totally sympathize.

wine can be a really good thing sometimes jsut don't try to talk to her while you are at it

You just have to stay strong and calm and let her know that this will not be tolerated. I have mentioned on this board before that in my house when you get in trouble you don't just get grounded...you get WORK. cleaning bathrooms, floors, doing dishes, folding laundry, whatever needs doing. My theory is that if I have to take extra time to do something for you, you can return the favor....you could certainly use the help to offset the stress and pain you experience without all these new troubles she is creating.

It may not work, and many many times I have spent a lot more energy supervising these extra types of chores than it would take me to do them myself....but the message gets through.

Or, Maybe you need to have her return all the things she stole and take the legal punishment for them...that can be a wake up call when an officer shows up to take her fingerprints and such..

I also know what you mean about the assistance at school. My daughter was eligible for all sorts of things through her 504 plan, but she never uses any of it. If you can, stipulate in the IEP or 504 that one of the accomodations she needs is HELP and DIRECTION using the provided assistance.

In the end, the best you can do is try to stay in close touch with your daughter and supervise her as much as you can. It won't always work, but you can't blame yourself if you are doing your best. At some point she has to take responsibility for herself.

Does she see a therapist at all? That is another thing that really helps my daughter. Nothing like an adult who is not your parent who can be used to bounce things off of. My daughter loves her therapist...and truth be told I thin she is a little soft, but that apporach works for my kiddo, and slowly (over 3 years now) she is really coming to understand some things that i thought she might never get.

ack, well, take it easy and try try not to cause yourself extra pain from being upset- teenagers are a ******, btu they get better...I know this because i was a total hellion to my parents when i was a teen, but even I turned out OK or so they tell me.

Momz I am sorry you are having so much trouble with your daughter. Being the mother of a teenager is very difficult. I am lucky but my husbands two nieces have been in trouble since they were 12-13. Trouble with drugs, heroin and ectasy the main choice. Stealing from relatives, 1 has 2 children by different men. 1 she met in rehab. both have been in jail for drugs and burglary. Very disappointing. We did not go to Christmas dinner at my mother-in-laws this year because they were there. My children are disgusted by them. The only good thing about this is the affect on my kids is so disgusted that they won't be with them. Sorry Momz, I don't know what to tell you. Professional help is probably the way to go but it sounds like you have tried that. At 15 they think they are invincible. I hope you can find someone to help her before she gets hurt.

Linda

Momz,
Have you looked at Online schooling?
You would have to be around to oversee that she does the work and hrs required.
It would get her away from the bad influences until she has matured a bit more and able to make better decisions.

My daughter was getting behind in credits in the public school - she got distracted easily, didn't really connect with any of the teachers, didn't apply herself & was shy about asking for help.
The online school we decided to try seems to be working great for her. She can get instant feedback on how she did on her assignments.
If you want to look into it here's the site to the one we use http://www.connectionsacademy.com/

Momz- I'm so sorry to read about the troubles you're having. I hope that someone reaches her, and helps her see what is going on.

So... today is my 3mo 25 day of unemployment. and my best lead for a job.... :rumroll:: insurance agent. Leap of faith to go full commish without benefits. Thats what i'm struggling with right now. Dropping resumes with everyone who might know someone.

take care all.....

Today I am trying to recover from one heck of a day yesterday.

Everything went from bad to worse! My daughter is a mess and she doesn't see it. Everyone else does. She has Mild Cerebral Palsy, learnign disabilities, serious heart condition, only one functioning kidney, several other birth defects and ASperger's syndrome. She has never been able to accept any of it. She hates herself and she keeps trying to be someone else. I can't even begin to describe what we have been going through.

We have been seeing problems for years...seeing them escalate. We have been seeking out help from school, mental health...you name it...we can't get it. She puts on this pretty face and tells everyone that everything is fine. She has been lying to everyone and we saw the problems. She has cut herself, pierced herself, used drugs, now other self mutilation has occurred. She has been trying to stretch her earlobes along with other things. She's 15! It's horrible!

She has now made friends with 2 boys who have an extensive arrest record and has done jail time. The crazy thing is...the one boy beat up her brother and was arrested and banned from the block! But now she's decided to "hang out" with him. I can't honestly understand any of this. She has made accusations now that have gotten other people in trouble. She thinks by lying about things..she will look like the good guy and she will get her way and her freedom.

I've totally lost my mind at this point. My ex husband took her last night and now we are dealing with the...what's next. The mental health system sucks and is not quick on anything. I don't know what will happen now. She cannot return to the same school..EVER!

This is not what I needed....I have been fighting for this girl since day one and she has no respect for me or for anyone. I can't keep fighting anymore. I have nothing left in me. I'm an emotional wreck and can't take anymore. It just never ends!

Momz

Momz, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having to go through all this on top of having TOS, that's definitely a lot to deal with! I wish I had some good advice to offer you but unfortunately I don't. I went through a lot of trouble with my son when he was a teenager....drugs, suspension from school, legal trouble....he ended up in jail soon after he turned 18 and spent several years there. He's been out for several years now and will be graduating from college in May...with a 4.0 GPA & is doing great!!! There's still hope for your daughter, maybe with time things will get better! Just keep on being a tough parent, that's the best thing you can do for her. I never thought I'd see the day but my son actually said that "tough love" was the best thing for him.

Has she been seen/evaluated by a psychiatrist?
vs therapists or counselors?
Hypnosis?

poor kid - poor mommy & daddy

want to explain why I didn`t express my new year`s wishes earlier: we had a total internet-line problem. first it was the net and then the telephone.
but now I am online again and of course I want to wish you all a good 2008 with lot of joy and health.

during the holidays I had a laryngo-trachneo-bronchitis what a fine thing! it burned like fire and now I still have to take some meds.

thank you for the birthday wishes, I didn`t celebrate it so much - after new year no one is interessted in a birthday party and so I transfered it to april. a friend of mine who has her birthday just before christmas and I will give a party together. some will find this bizzare to transfer the birthday but it`s more relaxed.

my next shoulder surgery will be on februray 26th - and I am so afraid of it. I hope it will be fixed this time.

I read all your communications in this thread and I am sorry for the troubles some of you had recently.

I wish all the best to all readers and writers!!!
Barbara

Barbara That is a great idea to move your birthday celebration. Christmas is always a hectic time in my family. My sister's birthday is Christmas Eve and my father's is the day after. Mine is 1/3 and no one wants to do anything by then. I got a happy birthday from my family but that was it. I don't really care it just is kind of nice to not have to cook or even a card. Whatever. This has been a bad year for our company. The weather is not cooperating so business is slow which means low on cash. when things pick up I'm sure we'll go out to dinner or do something. Linda

My son is borfn on the 29th of Dec., so we celebrate his "un"birthday on June 29 instead.